?

Log in

No account? Create an account

JUMP BACK | BE FORWARD

Months are for pussies

ATTENTION NATIONAL NOVEL-WRITING MONTH PARTICIPANTS:

You are weak. You are wack. You are sissy soft suckas. You are counterrevolutionary hoarders, chumps, and whining mongrel filth of the first order.

I, on the other hand, am the Duke of New York; I am A-Number-One. There is only one way to redeem yourself: TAKE MY CHALLENGE!

Spending an entire month on writing a novel is for cowards, Fabians and degenerates. It is for those without the courage of their half-formed convictions. I hereby declare this to be NATIONAL NOVEL-WRITING DAY!

Anyone who cannot write a 50,000-word novel of superior quality within 24 hours does not deserve to be called a writer, or, indeed, a human being. I expect each of you to post, in your journal, a completed novel of no less than the abovementioned length by midnight tonight. Perhaps you will seek a shortcut, by posting your “novel-in-progress”, or some variety of five-word micro-novel or the like; to this I say, there is no shame in failure, unless you consider humiliation, degradation and the knowledge that your literary impotence has been fully exposed to all your peers to be shameful.

You have your task. Waste no further time.

Comments

( 52 SHOTS LICKED — LICK A SHOT )
Page 1 of 2
<<[1] [2] >>
tx_cronopio
Nov. 5th, 2007 04:14 pm (UTC)
Ah, Len, you make me laugh. Even on Mondays. I send you a big wet kiss.
ludickid
Nov. 5th, 2007 04:33 pm (UTC)
Please have it overnighted rather than couriered, as I will be deeply immersed in writing a novel today.
archaica
Nov. 5th, 2007 04:29 pm (UTC)
NaNoWriMo - the intellectual's sausage-making festival.
ludickid
Nov. 5th, 2007 04:34 pm (UTC)
All this time you are spending making catty comments is time you should be spending on writing your novel.
BLANK - archaica - Nov. 5th, 2007 04:36 pm (UTC) - Expand
BLANK - ludickid - Nov. 5th, 2007 04:45 pm (UTC) - Expand
BLANK - archaica - Nov. 5th, 2007 04:46 pm (UTC) - Expand
BLANK - ludickid - Nov. 5th, 2007 04:47 pm (UTC) - Expand
BLANK - cleotyne - Nov. 5th, 2007 09:00 pm (UTC) - Expand
BLANK - ludickid - Nov. 6th, 2007 01:32 am (UTC) - Expand
BLANK - cleotyne - Nov. 6th, 2007 03:33 am (UTC) - Expand
BLANK - slammerkinbabe - Nov. 6th, 2007 06:46 am (UTC) - Expand
marciamarcia
Nov. 5th, 2007 04:56 pm (UTC)
That's why I do WriSoMiFu (Write Something You Miserable Fuck). The only challenge: Actually do some fiction writing every day for a month.

I'm already failing. But that's in keeping with the spirit of WriSoMiFu. It's like the Festivus of writing challenges.
ludickid
Nov. 5th, 2007 04:58 pm (UTC)
50,000 words. By midnight. Or you will be banished to the dark land of unending frost.
BLANK - marciamarcia - Nov. 5th, 2007 05:04 pm (UTC) - Expand
BLANK - ludickid - Nov. 5th, 2007 05:06 pm (UTC) - Expand
ortho_bob
Nov. 5th, 2007 04:56 pm (UTC)
There, finished. It's a heartwarming tale of a man with a terrible stutter reading the telephone directory to a woman with hearing problems written in the style of a bad William Gaddis plagiarist.
ludickid
Nov. 5th, 2007 04:59 pm (UTC)
I'm glad SOMEONE around here has some guts.
roseyv
Nov. 5th, 2007 04:57 pm (UTC)
This entire post is meaningless in that you did not give us prior notice.

If I had known I was supposed to write a novel today, I would have needed to know at least by last Friday, so I could take the day off from work.

It is absurd to imagine that anyone could write 50,000 words in a single day while simultaneously doing their 8-hour a day job.

Plus I have a class tonight.
ludickid
Nov. 5th, 2007 05:00 pm (UTC)
Prior notice is for quislings and eaters of corpses. Those who cannot write a 50,000-word novel a day, every day, while working a regular job and maintaining a healthy schedule of housework, social activities and freelance labor is not fit to be in decent society.
BLANK - roseyv - Nov. 5th, 2007 05:47 pm (UTC) - Expand
In Russia, day boycotts you! - ludickid - Nov. 5th, 2007 06:00 pm (UTC) - Expand
Re: In Russia, day boycotts you! - yuriverse - Nov. 5th, 2007 10:17 pm (UTC) - Expand
Re: In Russia, day boycotts you! - ludickid - Nov. 6th, 2007 01:33 am (UTC) - Expand
BLANK - eatsoylentgreen - Nov. 5th, 2007 07:29 pm (UTC) - Expand
drownedinink
Nov. 5th, 2007 04:59 pm (UTC)
Gawd, I think you're, like, being sarcastic or something and you're, like, making fiction writing sound like something that deserves time and effort or something.

While National Novel Writing Day is nice, I also really liked your previous idea for National Sculpting A Statue Month.
ludickid
Nov. 5th, 2007 05:01 pm (UTC)
I will accept, in lieu of writing a novel by the end of the day, the construction of an entire pyramid of no less than thirty feet in height, by the end of the week.
BLANK - drownedinink - Nov. 5th, 2007 05:07 pm (UTC) - Expand
BLANK - ludickid - Nov. 5th, 2007 05:09 pm (UTC) - Expand
hipsterdetritus
Nov. 5th, 2007 05:30 pm (UTC)
What about those of us who specialize in a non-fiction form of writing, such as criticism?
ludickid
Nov. 5th, 2007 05:35 pm (UTC)
25,000 pages. With footnotes.
mrdankelly
Nov. 5th, 2007 06:01 pm (UTC)
DONE. TWICE. IN THE LAST HOUR.

FEAR ME.
ludickid
Nov. 5th, 2007 06:02 pm (UTC)
Now THAT'S the spirit!
kleenexwoman
Nov. 5th, 2007 06:26 pm (UTC)
That's 34 words a minute. I think I can do that in a 24-hour period with, perhaps, an IV of coffee.

It won't make any sense, but that doesn't seem to matter to the people I'm supposed to be learning how to write from.
ludickid
Nov. 5th, 2007 06:46 pm (UTC)
Making sense is overrated. FINISHING, that's the important thing.
thehighhat
Nov. 5th, 2007 06:31 pm (UTC)
The afternoon sun hung low and lazy in the sky, like the remaining testicle of an airline pilot at the wheel for the first time upon recovering from an orchiectomy. "Perhaps an hour of daylight left," she murmured to her husband. He grunted and rolled over on the bed, disturbing the ungraded papers from his graduate-level English Lit class strewn about their feet. "Have you ever memorized anything?," she asked, remembering an earlier conversation far too boring to recap. "Mmm-hmm," he said, "one thing."

"Please, please, please. Recite it for me."

He lifted his head and looked at her. She was lolling about dreamily. -You're in for it now, he thought.

"OK, but you have to hear me out," he said. "Sure, whatever," she whispered.

He cleared his throat and began. "River Run, uh, hold on." He sipped from the enormous mesh-covered water bottle next to the bed. "Lemme start over."

"...riverrun, past Eve and Adam's, from swerve of shore to bend of bay, brings us by a commodius vicus of recirculation back to Howth Castle and Environs..."

[Note to self: copy and paste here.]

"...Bussoftlhee, mememormee! Till thousendsthee. Lps. The keys to. Given! A way a lone a last a loved a long the, okay that's it. What did you think?"

Her snores rebuked the quiet in the darkened room. The afternoon sun was long gone, as if the airline pilot had instead undergone a bi-lateral orchiectomy and decided to stay home for a little longer to recoup. The man was parched, like, for reals. -No one ever stays awake through that, he thought, and slipped out for his scheduled rendezvous with his TA, his mind and scrotum tingling with hundred-letter thunder words.

THE END.

OR IS IT?
ludickid
Nov. 5th, 2007 06:45 pm (UTC)
BRILLIANT!
BLANK - thehighhat - Nov. 5th, 2007 06:52 pm (UTC) - Expand
elston
Nov. 5th, 2007 06:51 pm (UTC)
Done. It's a novel about one man's all-consuming quest for the ultimate tuna sandwich. Critics may argue that my novel is just Moby Dick with the word "whale" replaced by "tuna sandwich" using find+replace, but they are merely jealous of my accomplishments.
thehighhat
Nov. 5th, 2007 06:53 pm (UTC)
You're going to have to replace "sperm" with "mayonnaise," you know.
BLANK - roseyv - Nov. 5th, 2007 07:45 pm (UTC) - Expand
BLANK - thehighhat - Nov. 5th, 2007 09:29 pm (UTC) - Expand
BLANK - ludickid - Nov. 5th, 2007 07:00 pm (UTC) - Expand
(Deleted comment)
ludickid
Nov. 6th, 2007 01:34 am (UTC)
Re: You're not fooling anyone!
I object to the assumption. I only spend 75-80% of my day smoking weed and playing video games.
yuriverse
Nov. 5th, 2007 10:21 pm (UTC)
My whole NaNo&c theory is, my laziness approaches Dorothy Parker levels, so any prod that humiliates/forces me to actually sit down and roughdraft-out this story idea I've had in my head for months is a good thing.

The other option being what friends did to Parker, and getting locked in a room with no booze and not let out until some work got done, and I'd rather not pee on my laptop.
calamityjon
Nov. 5th, 2007 11:53 pm (UTC)
Crankenstein
"And they went and they went and they went and they went and they went and they went and they went and they went and they went and they went and they went and they went and they went and they went and they went and they went and they went and they went and they went and they went and they went and they went and they went and they went and they went and they went and they went and they went and they went and they went and they went and they went and they went and they went and they went and they went and they went and they went and they went and they went and they went and they went and they went and they went and they went and they went and they went and they went and they went and they went and they went and they went and they went and they went and they went and they went and they went and they went and they went and they went and they went and they went and they went and they went and they went and they went and they went and they went and they went and they went and they went and they went and they went and they went and they went and they went and they went and they went and they went and they went and they went and they went and they went and they went and they went and they went and they went and they went and they went and they went and they went and they went and they went and they went and they went and they went and they went and they went and they went and they went and they went and they went and they went and they went and they went and they went and they went and they went and they went and they went and they went and they went and they went and they went and they went and they went and they went and they went and they went and they went and they went and they went and they went and they went and they went and they went and they went and they went and they went and they went and they went and they went and they went and they went and they went and they went and they went and they went and they went and they went and they went and they went and they went and they went and they went and they went and they went and they went and they went and they went and they went and they went and they went and they went and they went and they went"

End Chapter One
ludickid
Nov. 6th, 2007 01:36 am (UTC)
Re: Crankenstein
I can't wait to find out what happens next!
kudaspeaks
Nov. 5th, 2007 11:53 pm (UTC)
To be difficult, I intend to spend this month writing a haiku.
ludickid
Nov. 6th, 2007 01:36 am (UTC)
A whole haiku in a month?!? Jesus, slow it down, there, Albert Einstein!
Page 1 of 2
<<[1] [2] >>
( 52 SHOTS LICKED — LICK A SHOT )