Gun-totin', Chronic-smokin' Hearse Initiator (ludickid) wrote,
Gun-totin', Chronic-smokin' Hearse Initiator
ludickid

And life is grand

I don’t necessarily have anything against cars. Global-warming-loathing hippie mudhead that I am, I think we’re overreliant on them as a culture, and I really wish we were willing to do something about our catastrophic oil addiction. But, that said, I love to drive, and as a rule, our car culture is something I have enjoyed as much as deplored.

But we need to put an end to this habit of marketing people slapping the “touring” designation on whatever model of car they feel like charging an extra five grand for. The “touring”, “Turismo”, or “GT” label conjures up images of European gentry, roaring around the dusty back roads of a newly reborn West, free of fascism for the first time all century, stopping occasionally to over-tip some lucky café owner or petrol attendant, with nothing ahead of him but possibility. It should not conjure up images of Mom driving her kids to the Sonic for cheese tots after the tee-ball game.

“I say, Rotney! Grease up my PT Cruiser Touring Edition, and fetch me that wonderful Scottish tweed scarf I picked up in Orkney last summer. Oh, and my spectacles, and a Guide du Michelin. I’m going touring to the Valero station for a Tabasco Slim Jim! After that, dependent on my social calendar, I may tour the retail establishments of San Marcos and pick up a new shoe buffer. And after that, strike me if I don’t tour on over to the office and FAX some contracts! Shall I tour by KFC and acquire a picnic lunch, darling? It’s only a short tour away from the store where I get personalized golf tees! THE TOURING LIFE FOR ME!”
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  • The Party of What People?

    This will be my last entry of 2016.  Next year will begin, barring some unexpected act of fate, with the ascension to the presidency of Donald…

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