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All I Want For Christmas

I still have my buck-ass two front teeth, and Grand Theft Auto IV won’t be coming out until next year, so I’m willing to settle for a good night’s sleep. However, if you’re feeling generous:

- Bottles are always accepted. Thanks to an upswing in my alcoholism and a downturn in my liquor-buying habits, my home bar is direly understocked, with a mere dozen or so bottles. This leaves me reliant on old faithfuls like the martini, the Scotch and water, and the TNT, and a diverse liquor cabinet, like a diverse society, is a sign of social health.

- Uma Thurman. Note that I am not one of these fly-by-night youth fetishists who abandons his true celebrity love once a younger, hipper model rounds the corner. Uma was my imaginary girlfriend in 1988, and she will be my imaginary girlfriend in 2008.

- Comic books are always accepted, no matter how crappy.

- I realize that my suggestion that you buy me gifts is fairly ridiculous, especially since, thanks to my new office-sharing arrangement, I hardly ever post here anymore, and when I do, it’s not funny or interesting (although, let’s be honest, that’s hardly a new development). However, should you want to tack on another year or so paid subscription to this rattletrap LiveJournal, I would love you more than I love candied yams.

- I am also still raising funds for my big trip to CPAC (the Conservative Political Action Conference) this coming February in Washington, DC. There, both on my own and as a designee of Sadly, No!, I will mock right-wingers, report in the doings of wingnuts and wingnut-enablers, get my hands on lots of kook literature, have breakfast with several presidential candidates, and do my best to personally enrage Michelle Malkin. And you can help this happen by sending a couple of bucks via PayPal to leonard dot pierce at gmail dot com. It will be like giving your mind a cleansing blowjob.

And what do YOU want for Christmas, little boy/girl/self-selected gender category?

Comments

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drownedinink
Nov. 27th, 2007 05:01 pm (UTC)
I'd love to have some of those CD-ROMs Marvel has released with all the back issues of "Fantastic Four" or "Uncanny X-Men" or whatever on them. It would give me something to do while desperately ignoring my massive student loan debt!
calamityjon
Nov. 27th, 2007 05:06 pm (UTC)
I could use some sort of unusual footwear.
ludickid
Nov. 27th, 2007 05:09 pm (UTC)
Ho ho! Is sometime early next week going to be YOUR lucky day!
roseyv
Nov. 27th, 2007 05:20 pm (UTC)
I want another DC-based F2F in February, quite honestly.
ludickid
Nov. 27th, 2007 05:23 pm (UTC)
Hmmmmmmm. That might could be made to happen, I s'pose...
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doraphilia
Nov. 27th, 2007 05:36 pm (UTC)
-big flatscreen TV
-brand new couch
-nintendo wii
-engagement ring

get on it!
ludickid
Nov. 27th, 2007 05:38 pm (UTC)
Jeez, Dora, I like you a lot and all, but I think it's a little soon for us to get engaged.
autobotsrollout
Nov. 27th, 2007 05:39 pm (UTC)
...so you're a big fan of the candied yams?
ludickid
Nov. 27th, 2007 05:44 pm (UTC)
They combine two of my favorite things: (a) yams and (b) candy.
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adam_0oo
Nov. 27th, 2007 05:56 pm (UTC)
If I had one wish this holiday season it would be that all the children to join hands and sing together in the spirit of harmony and peace.
ludickid
Nov. 27th, 2007 05:58 pm (UTC)
So is it safe to say that you believe the children are the future?
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kudaspeaks
Nov. 27th, 2007 06:51 pm (UTC)
I went and looked up lists of 1988 sexy stars to make with the mock, but you know, the stars of that year have held up remarkably well. Granted, you can practically see the scaffolding surrounding Demi Moore and Michelle Pfeiffer looks like all the years of not eating have made her slightly feral, but otherwise the girls look good. Alyssa Milano looks even better than she did. As for the fellows,Tom Cruise, although the Mapother is starting to poke through, is still a boyishly handsome dude. Patrick Swayze, well, we all decided in retrospect that he looked like a monkey with a mullet but hey, he still does, he's kept his appearance up. Kevin Costner wears his new neck flaps with aplomb.

And, of course, 1988's breakout sexy lady, Ms. Thurman if you're nasty, is a stonier fox than ever.

Okay, you might have picked Kathleen Turner. That would have been unfortunate, down the roadwise.
ludickid
Nov. 27th, 2007 07:03 pm (UTC)
First of all, I appreciate the thoroughness and dedication with which you examined my celebrity crush claim. It's this sort of legwork that puts you head and shoulders above the herd.

Second, man, I feel almost guilty about Kathleen Turner. In 1983 or so, when I was first discovering what a foxy lady could do to my developing genitalia? She was my forever girl. Body Heat was mos def the very first movie to give me raging hormonal typhoons, and for about five years there she was as smokin' hot as anyone had a right to be. And it's hard to blame her degeneration entirely on her -- sure, she's a big drunk, but she also had degenerative arthritis at a very young age, and she got her start in movies much older than most sex bomb types did (she was 28 when Body Heat debuted). But still, man, she's a goddamn mess now, and while I'm sure she's a wonderful woman, I'm glad I didn't cast my imaginary girlfriend net back that far.

In re: Ms. Thurman ('cause yeah, I'm nasty), I have high hopes for our future as a stable long-term imaginary couple. Because her mom is in her 60s and is still pretty fly.
(Deleted comment)
ludickid
Nov. 27th, 2007 07:05 pm (UTC)
I own a full run of Secret Wars II, man. If I willingly let that plague rat into my house, I can't imagine anything that I wouldn't.
(Deleted comment)
ludickid
Nov. 27th, 2007 07:06 pm (UTC)
You want a spine? I can get you a spine, believe me. There are ways, Dude. You don't wanna know about it, believe me.
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johnnylemonhead
Nov. 27th, 2007 09:15 pm (UTC)
cash, at the moment, i cannot do, but a lovely home-cooked meal and several glasses of homebrewed imperial stout await you in february. and, as i've mentioned before, the chance to shake the hand of the guy who fixes david brock's iphone.

meh, not much on my list this year. very utilitarian. a set of cable knitting needles, some wooden cooking spoons, a subscription to the sunday washington post, maybe some hiking socks...really, anything that would be handy for building a dam or starting a fire.
happinesstogo
Nov. 28th, 2007 12:54 am (UTC)
I was some of the Fun Stuff at vintagetrailersupply.com, and some more Avett Brothers CDs, and another bottle of Oscar de la Renta. I'm sure I could think of more junk, but those have been at the top of my list for a while now.
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ludickid
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Leonard Pierce is a freelance writer wandering around Texas with no sleep or sense of direction. If you give him money he will write something for you. If you are nice to him he may come to your house and get drunk.

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