Gun-totin', Chronic-smokin' Hearse Initiator (ludickid) wrote,
Gun-totin', Chronic-smokin' Hearse Initiator
ludickid

Romney: Giuliani has cooties

So, interesting debate last night, don't you think? Some highlights follow.

ON IMMIGRATION

Rudolph “Rudy” Giuliani, NY: “Immigration is what made this country, and especially the city of New York, of which I was the heroic mayor on 9/11, great. But it’s perfect now and doesn’t need to get any greater, so there shouldn’t be any more immigrants, especially illegal ones who work for Mitt Romney.”

Rev. Michael D. Huckabee, AR: “I think immigrants should have the right to come to our country and get rich and fat, and then lose a bunch of weight, like I did. Although I am not an immigrant. And although I’m no longer fat, I’m still rich.”

Duncan Lee Hunter, CA: “Hi, everyone! I’m Duncan Hunter and I’m running for President! I come from California, where I am…what? Out of time? Oh, okay.”

John Sidney McCain III, AZ: “Immigrants are human beings just like you and I and they deserve to be treated with dignity and respect. Except for gooks.”

Ronald Ernest Paul, TX: “The only aliens who should be allowed across our borders are my great masters from the planet Zontar.”

Willard Mitt Romney, MA: “Rudy Giuliani is one to talk, because he had like twenty illegal immigrants picking up his used condoms at the publicly-funded Hamptons love nest he maintained while having an affair with his girlfriend. Also, he should go screw himself sideways with a shrimp fork.”

Thomas Gerard Tancredo, CO: “The best approach to illegal immigration is to grind up all Mexicans into a sticky paste and use it to build a gigantic wall for keeping Muslims out.”

Fred Dalton Thompson, SC: “Well, as I said when I played Rear Admiral Joshua Painter in the hit movie The Hunt for Red October, ‘This business will get out of control. It will get out of control and we’ll be lucky to live through it.’ And by ‘we’ I mean white people.”

ON THE DEATH PENALTY

Rudy Giuliani: “I am in favor of the death penalty for terrorists, such as the ones I heroically opposed when I was mayor of New York on 9/11. Also for hot dog vendors and black people who might have wallets.”

Mike Huckabee : “I am for the death penalty because some crimes are so heinous that there is no other way to fix them. And apparently I believe that killing people will ‘fix’ murder.”

Duncan Hunter : “I represent the 52nd district, in Riverside, and among other achievements I authored the Parents’ Empowerment Act, which…hey, I don’t think my mic is working. Hello?”

John McCain : “Whichever is the answer that will get me elected President, that’s the one I’m for. If it’s pro-, I think we should execute people for downloading mp3s. If it’s anti-, I think Charles Manson should be mayor of Hollywood. If it’s ‘John McCain should suck shit through a flat cardboard straw’, then prep that shit in a blender, because I want to be President, goddamnit.”

Ron Paul : “As ‘the official candidate of the internet’, I…what? No, I’m not ashamed to say those words in public, why do you ask?”

Mitt Romney : “I am for or against this proposal, proposition or policy.”

Tom Tancredo: “The death penalty should be executed fairly and without prejudice or favor to Negroes, liberals, terror Arabs, homosexual baby-rapists, and homeless people alike.”

Fred Thompson : “Well, as I said when I played FBI Special Agent Dale Grissom in the hit movie Baby’s Day Out, ‘We’re going back to the tick-tock, to get the boo-boo!’ By which, in this instance, I mean executing people is awesome.”

ON GAYS IN THE MILITARY

Giuliani: “I’m in favor of the ‘don’t ask, don’t tell policy. I would also like to mention that I am 100% man’s man, as should be obvious from my many extramarital affairs.”

Mike Huckabee : “I think our current policy is working just fine. And I am not like those fruity Catholic priests who can’t have sex. I am married with three children.”

Duncan Hunter : “Well, it’s a complex issue that…what? Out of time? I only had like three seconds! Come the fuck on! I…ah, fuck it, I’m gonna go get drunk with Alan Keyes after the debate.”

John McCain : “What happens one balmy summer night between an American soldier and his cruel but handsome gook tormentor is nobody’s business but their own.”

Ron Paul : “Allow me to answer that question by having my deranged supporters shout down any opposition to whatever response I eventually give.”

Mitt Romney : “Whatever Giuliani says, I say double opposites. Some guy told me he was a queer-mo, too, but you didn’t hear it from me.”

Tom Tancredo: “To show my support for the bedrock principles of American conservativism, I will personally beat the shit out of a fag in front of the Capitol building on my first day as president.”

Fred Thompson : “Well, as I said when I played CIA Director John Marshall in the hit movie No Way Out, homosexuals are all damned to suffer eternal torment in the fires of Hell, if you believe the Old Testament. Which I do!”
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  • The Party of What People?

    This will be my last entry of 2016.  Next year will begin, barring some unexpected act of fate, with the ascension to the presidency of Donald…

  • Anno Terribilis

    2016, the little year that absolutely could not, is almost over, and with the exception of people for whom it was a raging success —…

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