Gun-totin', Chronic-smokin' Hearse Initiator (ludickid) wrote,
Gun-totin', Chronic-smokin' Hearse Initiator
ludickid

The People's Republic of Journalistan

Well, it’s official: in the history of overblown hysteria over decisions made by LiveJournal management, the sale of the company to a Russian internet concern is the overblowniest. While we’re all waiting for the Reds to come shut down our free speech, imprison us for thinking about Harry Potter slash, and end democracy as we know it, allow me to suggest what the glorious future may have in store.

- Five-year plan in which content is taken out of the hands of blogging kulaks and handed over to revolutionary committee headed by formerly blogless serfs.

- Only acceptable LJ icons moving forward will be of Vladimir Putin, Roman Abramovich, and t.A.t.U.

- Frank, the LiveJournal cartoon goat mascot, to be replaced by image of a tractor with smiley-face pin attached to gear shift knob.

- Users in Nevada, Utah and Arizona systematically starved of RSS feeds, are forced to recycle months-old links to survive. Decades later, this period in history becomes known as the Holoblog.

- Surprisingly, level of alcoholism and depression on LiveJournal remains exactly the same.

- LJ Terms of Service are replaced by badly misspelled copy of “The Protocols of the Elders of Zion”.

- After widespread user protests, polling feature is reinstated after an initial suspension; however, polls will only be able to contain one option.

- 627% rise in Yakov Smirnoff references.

- Name of company is changed to “Glorious People’s Revolutionary Journal”; still less idiotic than “Insane Journal” and other copycat sites.

- After massive exodus from incipient pogrom of longtime users, MySpace takes advantage of new influx of customers to make site even more annoying, unnavigable and alienating than ever.
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