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CRAAAAAAZY religious beliefs!

Mormonism: Jesus and the Devil are brothers

Catholicism: Mary was birthed by a virgin

Judaism: God doesn’t want you to eat pelicans

Jediism: Darth Vader is Luke's father

Episcopalianism: Joseph of Arimathea invented steam-cleaning

Presbyterianism: The Holy Ghost's favorite food is tacos

Buddhism: Avalokiteśvara + Samantabhadra TLA

Hinduism: A monkey in your hair is a real karma booster

Jainism: lookit me, I'm nekkid

Southern Baptists: dancing makes babies

Comments

( 15 SHOTS LICKED — LICK A SHOT )
harmfulguy
Dec. 12th, 2007 08:46 pm (UTC)
Church of the SubGenius: The world will end on July 5, 1998.
picodulce
Dec. 12th, 2007 08:47 pm (UTC)
presbyterians... tacos? explain.
ludickid
Dec. 12th, 2007 08:53 pm (UTC)
Is joke only!
archaica
Dec. 12th, 2007 08:52 pm (UTC)
Lutheranism: Green Jell-O is your God now.
roseyv
Dec. 12th, 2007 08:53 pm (UTC)
Quakerism: Everyone should just be nice to each other.

CRWZY!!!
cheezaddict
Dec. 12th, 2007 10:37 pm (UTC)
And their oats are magically delicious!
krinndnz
Dec. 12th, 2007 09:04 pm (UTC)
pretty sure it's just jedi not jediism
Traditionalist Catholicism: Regular Catholics pay insufficient attention to original sin and too much to these newfangled Copernican wackos.
mckennl
Dec. 12th, 2007 09:46 pm (UTC)
Mary was a virgin who gave birth. I don't think even the craziest Catholics think Mary's mom was a virgin too.
ludickid
Dec. 12th, 2007 09:51 pm (UTC)
That, my lovely lesbian friend, is where you are wrong.

Technically, it doesn't teach that Mary's mother was a virgin, but it does teach that her creation was "without sin". The Immaculate Conception doesn't refer to Jesus; it refers to Mary.
mckennl
Dec. 12th, 2007 09:55 pm (UTC)
I sit corrected!
cleversimon
Dec. 12th, 2007 10:05 pm (UTC)
Obviously Mary was conceived in the missionary position, though a hole in the sheet, and neither St. Joachim nor St. Anne enjoyed it at all.

I'm pretty sure that was a lesson in Sunday school, now that I think about it.
(Deleted comment)
roseyv
Dec. 12th, 2007 11:50 pm (UTC)
I wondered the same thing!

Also: Virgin Birth and Immaculate Conception: Two totally different things. Anne's conception of Mary = Immaculate COnception.
Mary's conception & Birth of Baby Jeebus = Virgin Birth.

Easy to remember, via the handy mnemonic: ACMICMCBBJ.

HOpe that was helpful.
roseyv
Dec. 12th, 2007 11:57 pm (UTC)
And apparently, "carnivorous and scavenging fowl of various types such as eagles, owls, pelicans, ravens, seagulls, storks, vultures, etc, are unlawful. Ostrich and emu, which some have tried to promote as a food source, is unlawful."

You are, however, allowed to eat crickets, grasshoppers and certain types of beetles. But not ants, bees, or cockaroaches, among other things. Honey is okay. Just no bees.

kleenexwoman
Dec. 13th, 2007 07:25 am (UTC)
Most of the laws of kosher are there either because of economic reasons (pigs are not economically viable animals to keep in the desert) or because several generations of Jews, having grown up in Egyptian cities where they got fed from pre-stored Egyptian food stock, were too ignorant to not hunt things that didn't make good eatin' or were dangerous to hunt. Carnivorous and scavenging fowl have nasty, nasty-tasting meat. Ostrich and emu are big fuckers, ostriches will kick the shit out of hunters who don't know how to hunt very well, and things like locusts are sometimes the only food sources during famine or when there is a locust swarm. Ants are sometimes poisonous, cockroaches are disgusting scavengers, and bees are more valuable for their honey than for their flesh.

Luckily, we don't live in the desert anymore and I can eat all the ham and bees and emus that I want. :)
kleenexwoman
Dec. 13th, 2007 05:24 am (UTC)
Jesus and the Devil are brothers
That's awesome. That's probably the basis for a good movie and spin-off animated series right there.

God doesn’t want you to eat pelicans
If he wanted us to eat pelicans he would have put some pelicans in the desert already. Obviously, he wanted us to eat pastrami sandwiches instead, as evidenced by the fact that pastrami sandwiches can be found growing wild in the Negev.

The Holy Ghost's favorite food is tacos
No, this is actually true. Because tacos are delicious.
( 15 SHOTS LICKED — LICK A SHOT )

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