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I'll send for your head in a box, Raldo

In the spirit of holiday giving, I have decided to make an attempt to say something positive about people for whom I have heretofore only had contempt.

AYN RAND. She was very determined, and the story about how she summarized the entire philosophy of Objectivism while standing on one foot shows a certain level of ballsiness that is not without its charm.

CHARLES MANSON. If we have to have serial killers, they should be people like Charles Manson. He's entertaining, and unlike a Bundy or a Dahmer, he doesn't fool you with an outward appearance of normality. He's quite clearly a bugfuck-crazy maniac, and sends out huge signal flares to stay away just by existing.

PAULY SHORE. His appearance on Futurama was, like everything else he's ever done, worthless and unfunny, but it at least connotes a slight willingness to engage in self-mockery.

COURTNEY LOVE. She had one really great single, even though she didn't write it, and her movies are no worse than those of, say, Cher.

BRET EASTON ELLIS. For all my talk about how he's the worst novelist I've ever read, he's at least ambitiously bad -- that is, his badness is that of a pretentious, self-impressed douchebag who thinks he's a great writer, rather than that of a formulaic hack who can barely string a sentence together like Clive Cussler.

PARIS HILTON. If you can momentarily erase from your conscious mind thoughts of what a soul-deadening experience it would be to actually have sex with her, she does have a pretty nice body.

HENRY KISSINGER. Like Richard Nixon before him and Hitler before him, Henry Kissinger is so cartoonishly evil and awful that he embodies a certain comical archetype that our culture needs.

CELINE DION. She seems to be a good mother.

GEORGE W. BUSH. Like William Murderface, Bush acts like he's turned being a dick into both an art and a science and perfected both aspects. This ability to drive people nuts with what a horrible person he is could come in handy to use against other people if he was your friend.

ROB LIEFELD. He...okay, let me get back to you on this one.

Comments

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brandawg
Dec. 21st, 2007 06:48 pm (UTC)
Man, you can manage to say nice things about Bush and Kissinger, yet Liefeld gets the shaft: at least he...met...Spike Lee? Never mind.
ludickid
Dec. 21st, 2007 06:55 pm (UTC)
That's more a bad thing about Spike Lee than a good thing about Rob Liefeld.
kudaspeaks
Dec. 21st, 2007 06:50 pm (UTC)
Ayn Rand also rocked a really interesting haircut.

Charlie Manson gets an additional crazy point for being surrounded by nubile hippie chicks who would do whatever he wanted and deciding serial murder was the best use of their time. That's dedication to your vision.

There was a comedian who had a father who could only say nice things about everybody. When challenged on the subject of John Wayne Gacy, he said "Well, he isn't lazy. And he's a homeowner!" Does Liefeld own or rent?
ludickid
Dec. 21st, 2007 06:56 pm (UTC)
INSIDE JOKE FOR COMICS INDUSTRY NERDS AHOY
Well, we know that he rents a storage space.
brandawg
Dec. 21st, 2007 06:59 pm (UTC)
Re: INSIDE JOKE FOR COMICS INDUSTRY NERDS AHOY
OH PLEASE EXPLAIN THIS!
ludickid
Dec. 21st, 2007 07:28 pm (UTC)
Re: INSIDE JOKE FOR COMICS INDUSTRY NERDS AHOY
Man, you've been a member of SeeBelow for HOW long, and you never heard this story?
rjwhite
Dec. 21st, 2007 07:50 pm (UTC)
Re: INSIDE JOKE FOR COMICS INDUSTRY NERDS AHOY
Maybe he just couldn't find it in there. A guy could throw his back out searching through that archive.

Edited at 2007-12-21 07:52 pm (UTC)
brandawg
Dec. 21st, 2007 08:00 pm (UTC)
Re: INSIDE JOKE FOR COMICS INDUSTRY NERDS AHOY
I guess not.
ludickid
Dec. 21st, 2007 08:07 pm (UTC)
Re: INSIDE JOKE FOR COMICS INDUSTRY NERDS AHOY
Well, basically (and calamityjon can probably correct me on the details here), some artist that worked with Rob when he was running Awesome Comics had been bugging him to return his original art, and Rob had been putting him off forever, possibly because he's lost it or sold it for magic beans or maybe just because he's a dick. So the guy threatened litigation, and Rob then said something along the lines of "Dude, peep this, I TOTALLY WANTED to return your art, I even went to my storage space to get it, because, like, I want to do the right thing and shit, but dude! When I got there? This box like TOTALLY FELL ON MY HEAD AND KNOCKED ME UNCONSCIOUS! And I, like lost my memory and had to be driving to the hospital and shit, it was totally extreme, and, uh, that's why you still don't have your original art."

Actually, I recall the full story as being even stupider than that, but there's the gist of it.
brandawg
Dec. 21st, 2007 08:20 pm (UTC)
I swear, that must have been a story from before I began watching the community.
If someone told me that story without any names involved and told me to guess the participants, no one would come before Rob Liefeld.
calamityjon
Dec. 21st, 2007 09:34 pm (UTC)
Re: I swear, that must have been a story from before I began watching the community.
And and and, caught in the mania of fabricating utter fibs and neglecting to recall that the point of the initial fib was to illuminate his reasons for not returning said art as opposed to underlining what a t-u-f-f dude he is, Liefeld paired this fib (I can't recall if it was told in CBJ or CBG) with an additional fib about how later that same day he was crashed into by a lady driving a huge truck, and pressed up against the glass front of a Blockbuster Video store so hard that the window cracked.
ludickid
Dec. 21st, 2007 09:37 pm (UTC)
Re: I swear, that must have been a story from before I began watching the community.
Dah-HAW, I totally forgot that, which is maybe the most awesome part of the story, where Rob the Mighty withstands getting run over by a truck. What a fucking duncecap that guy is.
shekb
Dec. 21st, 2007 06:56 pm (UTC)
De gustibus non est, etc., etc...
PARIS HILTON. If you can momentarily erase from your conscious mind thoughts of what a soul-deadening experience it would be to actually have sex with her, she does have a pretty nice body.

Or does she? No.
ludickid
Dec. 21st, 2007 07:29 pm (UTC)
Re: De gustibus non est, etc., etc...
Different stro...er, never mind.
deadflowers
Dec. 21st, 2007 07:01 pm (UTC)
celine dion looks like a bird, therefore i hate her. helen hunt, too.

i would totally do paris hilton, though. there's something interesting about her face.

charles manson also writes pretty good songs.

i like to imagine ayn rand and i would have had some nice times together while secretly hating each other's guts. "i admire your mind, but why do you have to be go goddamn difficult all the time?"

Edited at 2007-12-21 07:02 pm (UTC)
ludickid
Dec. 21st, 2007 07:29 pm (UTC)
Do you hate birds because they look like birds?
drownedinink
Dec. 21st, 2007 07:23 pm (UTC)
Let me help. Rob Liefeld never raped a litter of puppies.

...Or did he?
ludickid
Dec. 21st, 2007 07:33 pm (UTC)
"Heroes Reborn" was way worse than raping a litter of puppies.
janehex
Dec. 21st, 2007 07:38 pm (UTC)
Now do Ann Coulter!

(not literally; I wouldn't wish that on my worst enemy)
ludickid
Dec. 21st, 2007 07:43 pm (UTC)
I wouldn't do Ann Coulter with Dinesh D'Souza's dick
It's nice to see a transsexual doing so well in our society.
janehex
Dec. 21st, 2007 07:47 pm (UTC)
Re: I wouldn't do Ann Coulter with Dinesh D'Souza's dick
Or, "that guy has pretty good fashion sense."
jtron
Dec. 21st, 2007 09:48 pm (UTC)
Re: I wouldn't do Ann Coulter with Dinesh D'Souza's dick
Too easy. You can do better than that.
stavner
Dec. 21st, 2007 09:53 pm (UTC)
Love Your Icon
The story that picture is from--about a vengeful loser robot--would be even better if it was about Bender.
writebrain
Dec. 21st, 2007 08:50 pm (UTC)
> CHARLES MANSON. If we have to have serial killers, they should be people like Charles Manson. He's entertaining, and unlike a Bundy or a Dahmer, he doesn't fool you with an outward appearance of normality. He's quite clearly a bugfuck-crazy maniac, and sends out huge signal flares to stay away just by existing.

And he personally never killed anyone!
calamityjon
Dec. 21st, 2007 09:35 pm (UTC)
Right, he brought Ford-style manufacturing strategies to the field of killing a buncha people!
oilyrags
Dec. 22nd, 2007 12:45 am (UTC)
You're selling Hitler short, pal.

(Paging Mr. Godwin!)
hipsterdetritus
Dec. 22nd, 2007 07:07 pm (UTC)
I prefer to believe he actually perfected the idea of murder outsourcing.
( 27 SHOTS LICKED — LICK A SHOT )

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Leonard Pierce is a freelance writer wandering around Texas with no sleep or sense of direction. If you give him money he will write something for you. If you are nice to him he may come to your house and get drunk.

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