Gun-totin', Chronic-smokin' Hearse Initiator (ludickid) wrote,
Gun-totin', Chronic-smokin' Hearse Initiator

The Year in Porn

I hate to do this to you people but you're not doing much to amuse me today. I therefore present the Top Five Porn Movies of 2007.

#5: THE WIVES OF OTHERS. Audience were stunned by this grimly realistic portrait of the sex lives of East Germans, where key parties would often be interrupted by the secret police and the only chance at happiness might come from a quickie while waiting in line for glue.

#4: BEFORE THE DEVIL GIVES YOU HEAD. This year's standout actor, Fill-up See-more Muff-man, gives an astonishing performance as a man in financial trouble who plans a sex shop robbery that goes horribly awry. Muff-Man also shines in Charlie Wilson's Whore.

#3: THE KING OF DONG: A FISTFUL OF PENIS. A winning documentary about two men with gargantuan generative organs who compete in a legendary showdown involving coin-operated handjob machines. Evokes the golden age of peepshows.

#2: THE ASSFUCKING OF JESSE JANE BY THE PORN STAR ROBERT BLACK. Rarely has a movie so explicitly delivered on the promise of its title than this revisionist western starring two of the hottest names in the business. Watch for Jane's trademarked "Comanche punch".

#1: THERE WILL BE BUTT. The most triumphant and moving pornographic film of the year was the latest from John Thomas Anderson. Daniel Gay-Screwus stars as a man who stands to gain everything, but lose his soul, when he makes a fortune in the wild and wooly days of scented oils.

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