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Sometimes at work I think up imaginary bands I would like to be in. Here are some of them.

- THE RAIL DOGS. Alt-country/rockabilly band. Reputation for rowdy live shows, trashy groupies.

- MORDER. Straight-up Scandinavian blackened death metal. Finally, a chance to wear wrist spikes and sing about Satan.

- HEROIN BARBERSHOP. Post-hardcore punk band with mild psychobilly influences. Lead singer has goofy haircut.

- SUMER. Middle Eastern folk-metal band combining roaring prog-thrash with Arabic rhythm patterns. The first anti-Viking metal outfit*.

- DADS & LADS. Mixed-race psychedelic heavy funk band. Does not have any songs less than eight minutes long.

- STOCHASTIC. Buzzing, droning, pulsing industrial metal jam band. Heavier than Ministry, but more accessible than Hovercraft.

- MODERN ADVERTISING. Post-punk band with math-rock influences. Very into Wire, lots of weird polyrhythms.

- THE SHAVE. Three girls, one guy, lots of sunny, bright, power-chord pop. Very mild riot-grrrl vibe.

- THE NEW WINE. Unbearably fey, Euro-trashy industrial goth band. Keyboard player is androgynous, trilingual Eurasian.

*: I actually designed a couple of logos for this band. DO NOT YOU JUDGE ME.

Comments

( 21 SHOTS LICKED — LICK A SHOT )
solipsiae
Jan. 14th, 2008 04:39 pm (UTC)
I'd like to see
MORDURR. Straight-up Scandinavian blackened downs metal. Finally, a chance to wear protective head gear and sing about Satan.

DADS & LABS. Mixed-species psychedelic heavy junk band. Does not have any songs with lyrics outside the scope of repeating monosyllabic commands in an increasingly-frustrated tone.
ludickid
Jan. 14th, 2008 04:47 pm (UTC)
Chant with me
"SIT, motherfucker! STAY, motherfucker! HEEL, motherfucker! Get off your ass and chase that ball!"
marciamarcia
Jan. 14th, 2008 04:59 pm (UTC)
- SUMER. Middle Eastern folk-metal band combining roaring prog-thrash with Arabic rhythm patterns. The first anti-Viking metal outfit*.


I know a couple Middle Eastern death metal bands that beat you to this.
(Deleted comment)
ludickid
Jan. 14th, 2008 05:11 pm (UTC)
Start with Melechesh.
ludickid
Jan. 14th, 2008 05:11 pm (UTC)
Oh, I know there are Middle Eastern death metal bands, but we would be the first to explicitly identify as "anti-Viking metal".
memento_mori
Jan. 14th, 2008 10:28 pm (UTC)
Check out NILE.

Also, there is an industrial band called Stochastic Theory.
secondperiod
Jan. 15th, 2008 02:06 am (UTC)
Nope. Ireland's Cruachan have a song called "Viking Killer" and have recorded several anti-Viking songs. Seems that, historically, the Celts and Vikings were not the best of friends.
allyscully
Jan. 14th, 2008 05:00 pm (UTC)
I adore you.
ludickid
Jan. 14th, 2008 05:12 pm (UTC)
You wanna be a Rail Dogs groupie?
autobotsrollout
Jan. 14th, 2008 05:02 pm (UTC)
What, you don't have an imaginary hip-hop posse?
ludickid
Jan. 14th, 2008 05:12 pm (UTC)
I have a REAL hip-hop posse.
hipsterdetritus
Jan. 14th, 2008 08:18 pm (UTC)
Who's your weed carrier?
ludickid
Jan. 14th, 2008 09:58 pm (UTC)
Masta Killa.
(Deleted comment)
superdaintykate
Jan. 14th, 2008 05:21 pm (UTC)
I'd have a henna booth on the tour.
vito_excalibur
Jan. 14th, 2008 06:47 pm (UTC)
I'll put up flyers!
(Deleted comment)
subversivegrrl
Jan. 16th, 2008 03:29 am (UTC)
death-barbershop quartet

I'd buy that.
oilyrags
Jan. 14th, 2008 07:40 pm (UTC)
"*: I actually designed a couple of logos for this band. DO NOT YOU JUDGE ME."

Why would I do something like that?

harmfulguy
Jan. 14th, 2008 08:19 pm (UTC)
STAPLEKLAW

Do they wear Business Casual attire and sing about Satan?
oilyrags
Jan. 14th, 2008 08:58 pm (UTC)
Aw shit, you could read it? I have failed.
kudaspeaks
Jan. 14th, 2008 09:27 pm (UTC)
Buttoned-down for Beelzebub, dude. Your red Swingline burns in HELL.

One of the great things about Seattle is the endless new bands and their names. This weekend we saw a poster for Goat Whore and opening for them was a band who had so overstyled their name that it was not at all legible. There appeared to be several S's or Shakespearean F's bracketing what might have been an I, a couple T's, and some kind of demi-circle. It did make us stop and stare at it for several minutes while cocking our heads from side to side. I think that counts as a kind of success.
ludickid
Jan. 14th, 2008 10:00 pm (UTC)
Stapleklaw could absolutely tour with Morder. They might even trade personnel on occasion.
( 21 SHOTS LICKED — LICK A SHOT )

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ludickid
Gun-totin', Chronic-smokin' Hearse Initiator
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Leonard Pierce is a freelance writer wandering around Texas with no sleep or sense of direction. If you give him money he will write something for you. If you are nice to him he may come to your house and get drunk.

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