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MY DAY AT THE GYM

by Leonard Pierce, age 6

First I went to the gym. The gym is only about four blocks away but we drove there anyway because we live in Texas. I brought some workout clothes because I anticipated actually working out. However, this was not to be.

The first half hour was spent filling out paperwork at a very slow pace due to the easily distracted teenage employees. Every time I thought I was done filling out paperwork, they would produce a new piece of paperwork for me to fill out. There was even a paper I had to fill out to get free Spurs tickets, and I don't want free Spurs tickets.

The next fifteen minutes were spent waiting for the locker room attendant to show up and assign me a locker. If you know me, you know there is nothing I enjoy more than standing around in a sweat-stenching room with a bunch of naked businessmen waiting for a 95-year-old man to give me a locker. Eventually he shuddered into view and assigned me a locker.

The last fifteen minutes were spent waiting for the locker room attendant to show up again and assign me a different locker, because the first one he assigned me was broken and would not close and lock, which is the only function of a locker. Hence the name. So, more awkwardly standing around naked guys, this time exacerbated by the fact that one of them decided to make smart remarks about my tattoos and I had to talk myself out of giving him a beating.

With all that out of the way, you might think that Wednesday, I will actually get to work out. However, this is also not to be, because I am obliged to attend an hour-long 'training session' so that I might learn how to use fitness equipment that I have already been using since roughly 1990. However, optimistic young fellow that I am, I anticipate finally being able to work out before the week is up.

Who did you want to beat up today?

Comments

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rum_holiday
Jan. 14th, 2008 08:03 pm (UTC)
I wanted to beat up this guy Larry Rigby. He seems like a total jerk.

Your gym sounds annoying. I bet it doesn't even have a juice bar.
ludickid
Jan. 14th, 2008 08:06 pm (UTC)
Better yet: there is a PIZZA PLACE in the same building as the gym. That's what we get instead of a juice bar.
rum_holiday
Jan. 14th, 2008 08:09 pm (UTC)
That's almost as good as the BBQ place downstairs from ours that makes the cardio room smell like bacon.
theweaselking
Jan. 14th, 2008 09:58 pm (UTC)
...oh, that's TORTURE.

I need a gym that smells of bacon.
harmfulguy
Jan. 14th, 2008 08:13 pm (UTC)
I wanted to beat up an arbitrarily large number of Microsoft programmers, as well as the hick in the next cube. So, pretty typical day.
perich
Jan. 14th, 2008 08:37 pm (UTC)
I had to talk myself out of giving him a beating

I think you've discovered a new way to get out of those pesky fitness center contracts, though. For future reference.
drownedinink
Jan. 14th, 2008 08:42 pm (UTC)
I want to beat up the guy who wrote me an e-mail saying he was going to give me an employment interview over the phone for one of my top job choices, but has neither called me or deigned to respond to an e-mail I sent afterwards.

Actually, I think instead of beating him up - which probably wouldn't be too effective give that I've never been in a bona fide physical altercation in my entire life - I'd prefer something along the lines of a "Batman"-esque death trap, especially one that works sloooooowly.

vito_excalibur
Jan. 14th, 2008 08:51 pm (UTC)
What happens if you just show up and start working out and don't tell them that you haven't been to the training session, you rebel you?
ludickid
Jan. 14th, 2008 09:55 pm (UTC)
There is no telling what havoc will ensue. I might get expelled for failing to uphold Judeo-Christian values.
oilyrags
Jan. 14th, 2008 08:55 pm (UTC)
administering beatings is a highly efficient workout routine, you know. Seems to me you're taking the long way around.
zulkey
Jan. 14th, 2008 09:51 pm (UTC)
I had to do it too, this training session, and it felt a lot like how the training for the presidential physical fitness award went.
ludickid
Jan. 14th, 2008 09:54 pm (UTC)
Man, I hope I do better at the gym than I did on that test.
flying_blind
Jan. 15th, 2008 03:41 am (UTC)
Don't get me started.
adam_0oo
Jan. 15th, 2008 06:36 pm (UTC)
Man, this kind of stuff is why I love my pokey ass basement dwelling gym. The owner is there every other day, and the sign up process was basically me signing my address and handing over my credit card.
( 14 SHOTS LICKED — LICK A SHOT )

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PROPRIETOR

Leonard Pierce is a freelance writer wandering around Texas with no sleep or sense of direction. If you give him money he will write something for you. If you are nice to him he may come to your house and get drunk.

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