Gun-totin', Chronic-smokin' Hearse Initiator (ludickid) wrote,
Gun-totin', Chronic-smokin' Hearse Initiator
ludickid

MY DAY AT THE GYM

by Leonard Pierce, age 6

First I went to the gym. The gym is only about four blocks away but we drove there anyway because we live in Texas. I brought some workout clothes because I anticipated actually working out. However, this was not to be.

The first half hour was spent filling out paperwork at a very slow pace due to the easily distracted teenage employees. Every time I thought I was done filling out paperwork, they would produce a new piece of paperwork for me to fill out. There was even a paper I had to fill out to get free Spurs tickets, and I don't want free Spurs tickets.

The next fifteen minutes were spent waiting for the locker room attendant to show up and assign me a locker. If you know me, you know there is nothing I enjoy more than standing around in a sweat-stenching room with a bunch of naked businessmen waiting for a 95-year-old man to give me a locker. Eventually he shuddered into view and assigned me a locker.

The last fifteen minutes were spent waiting for the locker room attendant to show up again and assign me a different locker, because the first one he assigned me was broken and would not close and lock, which is the only function of a locker. Hence the name. So, more awkwardly standing around naked guys, this time exacerbated by the fact that one of them decided to make smart remarks about my tattoos and I had to talk myself out of giving him a beating.

With all that out of the way, you might think that Wednesday, I will actually get to work out. However, this is also not to be, because I am obliged to attend an hour-long 'training session' so that I might learn how to use fitness equipment that I have already been using since roughly 1990. However, optimistic young fellow that I am, I anticipate finally being able to work out before the week is up.

Who did you want to beat up today?
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