Gun-totin', Chronic-smokin' Hearse Initiator (ludickid) wrote,
Gun-totin', Chronic-smokin' Hearse Initiator

Hey, look, there's something on TV!

Many of you, by which I mean none of you, are probably wondering: with all the work you put in to that staggeringly pointless World War Livingroom project, you didn't forget to watch the premiere of American Idol, did you?

Point (A): Obviously I watched American Idol.
Point (B): I hardly put any work into World War Livingroom at all.

There's really not much to say in the early rounds; they're a freakshow meant to keep the punters interested until it narrows down to an identifiable group. That's when you get a feel for their personalities and voices and the competition really starts. But that doesn't mean I won't ramble on and on about it.

- Man, it seemed like every douchebag in South Philly showed up for that audition. And as many of you know, there are a very large number of douchebags in South Philly.

- American Idol loves fat people: that castrato-voiced mook Joey who lost 200 pounds was praised for his ability to to get girls now that he's not a tub, while the oceanic linebacker and her mom were made the objects of barely concealed pity.

- The producers really tore the shit out of that Star Wars girl. I mean, severe overkill. Their attempt to promote the idea that they are actually a cornucopia of diversity was pretty flat, and they spent an awful lot of time picking on a girl who's already pretty obviously socially marginalized. On the other hand, she was really obnoxious.

- But not nearly as obnoxious as that Allentown white trash girl! Holy God, she was amazing. Just pure urban hillbilly stock, with all that crazy showy rage. She was awesome. When she said "I'm going for actressing", I purt near came undid.

- Way too early for anyone to emerge as a favorite -- they all only sang for about 15 seconds -- but I've decided I like that one guy with the Enyce t-shirt and the mad Jesus piece. (Juneau?) And it's not just because I like his clothes; it's also because he's from Balmer, and I've decided that he's a corner boy looking to make good.

- I don't resent it or anything -- I mean, I know they have a lot of time to fill -- but I honestly couldn't care less about people's sob stories. They take care of kids. They got a sick kid. They have cats. Their mom is in an iron lung. They got their eyeballs blown off in the Double U Double U Iraq. You know what? I don't give a fuck. All I wanna know is, are you boring or obnoxious? And can you sing? I give a shit about what you're gonna do with the money if you win.

- Someone needs to give that James guy -- the black colonial tour guide who acted like he was either mildly retarded or severely psychotic -- his own show STAT. Not only was he a way worse singer than William Hung, but he seemed like he was missing some key functionality in his brain. Team that kid up with a young Ratso Rizzo type and have 'em hit the streets of Phila with a video camera, I'd watch every episode. He completely blew the Princess Leia guy and the "No Sex" dude and the Paula stalker out of the water, proving once again that in a format like this, the funniest people are always the ones who aren't trying to be funny.

TONIGHT: legions of Texas dipshits!

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