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Goddamn Three

1. I was too busy with a freelance project to watch American Idol last night. What did I miss?

2. Dave Foley was "The Great Throwgali". (Also, "The Great Ventriloquini".) Kevin McDonald was "Throwdini". His lovely assistant? "Throwdetta." Awesome.

3. I'm sure you're all as excited as I am about the album of Tom Waits covers being released by manly-voiced breast-haver Scarlett Johansson. Bur frankly, I've had to wade through a lot of these celebrity vanity projects lately, and the results have been pretty dismal:

- Peyton Manning's album of Minutemen covers, What Makes a Man Get Jock Itch?

- Cliff Burton's One (Singular Sensation), a one-man show in which he performs the entire musical that was being cast in A Chorus Line

- Who Wants To Loan Tommy Paris Five Bucks?, a new VH1 reality show starring the lead singer of Britny Fox

- Schoolly D's experimental novel, Mr. Badass Pimp in the Town of Ghettoes

- Stephen Baldwin's art exhibit, "Portraits of Dudes Who Have Asked Me to Sign Their Skateboards"

- Paris Hilton's directorial debut, What Does This Thing Do You Guys I'm Bored

- Pauly Shore's campaign to become mayor of La Jolla, CA, and rename it "Weaselvania"

Comments

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doraphilia
Jan. 30th, 2008 05:01 pm (UTC)
not a whole lot.

there was one really "cool" "rock n roll" guy in an argyle sweater who sang a ballad-esque, minor-key version of "livin' on a prayer" and I kinda liked him.
doraphilia
Jan. 30th, 2008 05:06 pm (UTC)
oh and there was one really annoying faggy kid with a terrible voice, but he asked if he could be an ancorperson on the red carpet during the finale, and simon said yes.
calamityjon
Jan. 30th, 2008 05:11 pm (UTC)
Man, when they say "next spring," do they mean this thing isn't coming out until 2009? Johannsen's been working on this fucking thing for two years already. How much time does it take to realize that you're hideously ill-suited to an endeavor?

Then again, she's been acting forever ...
roseyv
Jan. 30th, 2008 05:59 pm (UTC)
"Johannsen's been working on this fucking thing for two years already. How much time does it take to realize that you're hideously ill-suited to an endeavor?"

This is the first time I have ever wished I spent more (meaning "any") time hanging out on right-wing blogs, because I know just enough to realize there's a veritable goldberg of jokes in that question, but I'm not savvy enough to make them.
slammerkinbabe
Jan. 30th, 2008 08:04 pm (UTC)
Paula was more trashed than I have ever seen her. She showed up hours late and then they could just as easily have put in her place the stuffed dog that one of the contestants gave Randy in an attempt at a bribe. She mostly didn't speak, and when she had to speak she slurredly repeated the last four words that either Simon or Randy had said. At one point she passed out on the desk and at another point she hiccuped really, *really* loudly while an auditionee was singing. They subbed Ryan in for her for a bit to give her a break.

The stuffed dog kid had a terrible voice, but he was very enthusiastic and he gave them lots of bribes, so they made him the official final-episode red-carpet reporter for the local FOX affiliate.

I don't remember too much about the singers. I was much more upset about last week, when they put through that perky little virgin with the voice of an asthmatic mouse and kicked to the curb the Air Force girl with the best voice of any auditionee yet this season. I remember there was a Bon Jovi guy who was pretty good.
roseyv
Jan. 30th, 2008 08:22 pm (UTC)
Wai -- what? No! You are MAKING THAT UP!!
slammerkinbabe
Jan. 30th, 2008 09:03 pm (UTC)
What am I making up?
roseyv
Jan. 30th, 2008 09:51 pm (UTC)
That whole thing about Paula being crunk and having to be subbed on the show? I mean, I'm assuming. I've never watched AI. Did that really happen?!?!?
ludickid
Jan. 30th, 2008 10:01 pm (UTC)
Dude, Paula is drunk all the time on that show. I've never seen it so bad that she had to be replaced, but I wouldn't be surprised at all. On at least half the shows last year, she was loaded to the gills.
slammerkinbabe
Jan. 31st, 2008 02:06 am (UTC)
No, it definitely happened. They played the Ryan-subbing-in thing for laughs - banter between Simon and Ryan about whose job was harder and blah blah blah - but they didn't give us any footage of Paula doing Ryan's job, which I suspect was probably because she was out in the bathroom puking or whatever.
ludickid
Jan. 30th, 2008 10:03 pm (UTC)
I disagree about the Air Force broad. She was okay, but she wasn't even close to having the best voice of the season. She was just blandly competent and would have gotten washed out about halfway through the early rounds.
kudaspeaks
Jan. 31st, 2008 01:01 am (UTC)
What I learned from AI last night:

At some point when San Francisco wasn't paying attention, Omaha became the gayest city in America.

Nobody had that great a voice. The mediocre went through just as a reprieve from the ghastly.

There is just a certain kind of moonface Goth girl that all look alike. It's like an army of Beth Dittos has been spawned.

There was a medley of "Stuck in the Middle With You" which struck me as odd because it's not really a singer's song. Then again, nobody who was performing it could sing.

I had an epiphany: I realized I have heard at nearly every AI audition in every season the following lyrics: "you can reach me by railway, you can reach me by trailway, you can reach me by airrrr-plane" (usually the singer is cut off there by Simon) but I have never heard that actual song. It is apparently wildly popular in a universe other than the one I inhabit.



eatsoylentgreen
Jan. 31st, 2008 01:46 pm (UTC)
Pauly Shore being the mayor of Weaselvania is a great idea. And him failing at the attempt could also be amusing. If he's still funny.
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Leonard Pierce is a freelance writer wandering around Texas with no sleep or sense of direction. If you give him money he will write something for you. If you are nice to him he may come to your house and get drunk.

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