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This will be the best vacation ever

For them that cares, my tentative schedule for CPAC next weekend:


11:30 AM: Book signing -- Whitewash: What the Media Won't Tell You About Hillary Clinton But Conservatives Will by Walter Peck impersonator Brent Bozell

12:00 PM: Book signing -- Caucus of Corruption: The Truth About the New Democratic Majority by Matt Margolis & Mark Noonan, the dumbest bloggers alive

1:00 PM: Speaker – Mark "The Human" Steyn, introduced by alcoholic Long Island JAP Pamela Geller Oshry

1:30 PM: Panel – "Is the G.O.P. Still Lost?", featuring Gregg Jackson, Sen. Tom Coburn, Sen. Jim DeMint, Rep. Jeff Flake & Rep. Thad McCotter, moderated by income tax genocidist Richard Viguerie

2:00 PM: Book signing -- America Alone: The End of the World as We Know It by ethnic cleansing advocate Mark Steyn

2:30 PM: Book signing -- The Prince of Darkness: 50 Years of Reporting in Washington by unindicted co-conspirator Bob Novak

3:00 PM: Panel – "Can the Next Generation of Leaders Get Things Right?", featuring Jessica Echard, Charlie Smith, Jonathan Williams, & professional virgin Ben Shapiro, moderated by young American for freedom Jason Mattera

4:00 PM: Book signing -- Project President: Bad Hair and Botox on the Way to the White House by compulsive masturbator Ben Shapiro

4:30 PM: Speaker – Presidential crazy person Ron Paul, introduced by right-wing has-been Bob Barr

5:00 PM: Presentation – Reed Irvine "Accuracy in Media" Award

5:30 PM: Book signing -- Upstream: The Ascendance of American Conservativism by wingnut welfare dispenser Al Regnery

7:30 PM: Event – Presidential banquet hosted by Ken Blackwell of the Coalition for a Conservative Majority and featuring MSNBC demagogue Joe Scarborough and a keynote speaker yet to be announced

8:00 PM: Screening -- Hillary: The Movie

9:30 PM: Screening -- Rediscovering God in America featuring Newt Gingrich


9:30 AM: Panel – "What Do Liberals Have Planned for Your Money?", featuring Rep. Paul Ryan, Rep. Patrick McHenry, Rep. Adam Putnam, & baby-drowner Grover Norquist, moderated by Wall Street Journal hack John Fund

10:00 AM: Presentation – "Television Training for Conservatives"

11:30 AM: Book signing -- The Late Great U.S.A. by apocalyptic goonball Jerome Corsi

12:00 PM: Panel – "Hugo Chavez Democrats: Silencing the Right", featuring Kirby Wilbur, world nut Joseph Farah, web-based dissimulator Andrew Breitbart & human bowel movement David Horowitz, moderated by Regnery shill Marji Ross

1:00 PM: Presentation – "Blogger of the Year" Award & "Conservative Journalism" Award

2:00 PM: Speaker -- former Ann Coulter boy-toy Dinesh D'Souza

2:30 PM: Speaker -- former Pam Atlas masturbation fantasy John Bolton

3:00 PM: Book signing -- Surrender is Not an Option: Defending America at the United Nations and Abroad by walrus mustache John Bolton

4:00 PM: Panel -- "Why Blacks Think Conservative But Vote Liberal", featuring Rev. Leroy Thomas, the only black conservative they could dig up

4:30 PM: Book signing -- No Retreat, No Surrender: One American's Fight, by baksheesh poster boy Tom DeLay

6:00 PM: Event – CLP reception and book signing with life-hating mutant Ann Coulter

7:30 PM: Event – Ronald Reagan banquet with MC Cleta Mitchell and featured bow-tie George Will dispensing the Jeane Kirkpatrick Academic Freedom Award and the Ronald Reagan Award


9:30 AM: Panel – "What is Religion's Role in Politics?", featuring Mary Beth Brown, Nick Gillespie, Angela McGowan and moron-provocateur Mike S. Adams & moderated by Martha Zoller

10:30 AM: Book signing -- Feminists Say the Darndest Things: A Politically Incorrect Professor Confronts 'Womyn' on Campus by Mike S. Adams

11:00 AM: Panel – "Liberal Bias on Campus: The Challenge to Restore Balance to Our Universities", featuring Joe Lindsley, Samatha Harris, John Leo and David Horowitz (a.k.a. Fuddy and Duddy), moderated by Mark Tapscott

11:30 AM: Book signing -- A Time to Clash: Papers from a Provocative Pastor by meaty fanatic Doug S. Giles

12:00 PM: Book signing -- Real Change: From the World That Fails to the World That Works by futuristic blowjob enthusiast Newt Gingrich

1:00 PM: Panel -- "Threats to Our Nation's Sovereignty", featuring Cliff Kincaid, Tom Fitton, xenophobic dingbat Tom Kilgallon & withered authoritarian Phyllis Schlafly, moderated by Jeff Gayner

2:00 PM: Speaker – chunky peanut butter Newt Gingrich


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Jan. 31st, 2008 07:07 pm (UTC)
Got your Valium packed?
Jan. 31st, 2008 07:15 pm (UTC)
You will have my respect if you can sit through these events without laughing.

I feel silly asking, but are you in fact attending all of these events?
Feb. 1st, 2008 01:44 am (UTC)
I'm certainly going to try.
Jan. 31st, 2008 07:16 pm (UTC)
Oh dear god. I don't think I could attend any one of these without slitting my wrist.

Wait, Ron Paul is going to be there? Ha.
Feb. 1st, 2008 01:44 am (UTC)
Jan. 31st, 2008 07:37 pm (UTC)
I feel mildly nauseated just reading that list.

Bless you, sir.
Jan. 31st, 2008 07:41 pm (UTC)
God speed you, brave sir.
Jan. 31st, 2008 07:41 pm (UTC)
I know I'm not the only guy thinking this, but I was pretty sure you made up all those titles ....
Feb. 1st, 2008 01:45 am (UTC)
Ha ha, man, you should see the names of some of the stuff I'm NOT going to...
Jan. 31st, 2008 07:59 pm (UTC)
Mike Adams and Doug Giles on the same day? Your head is going to be swimming from Hai Karate fumes and pure, raw testosterone.

Feb. 1st, 2008 01:45 am (UTC)
I am clearly not man enough to resist their wiles. Luckily they are both really, really, really heterosexual.
BLANK - slammerkinbabe - Feb. 2nd, 2008 07:30 am (UTC) - Expand
BLANK - slammerkinbabe - Feb. 2nd, 2008 07:31 am (UTC) - Expand
BLANK - drownedinink - Feb. 1st, 2008 02:12 am (UTC) - Expand
BLANK - kudaspeaks - Feb. 1st, 2008 02:37 am (UTC) - Expand
Jan. 31st, 2008 07:59 pm (UTC)
I'll give you a hundred bucks if you can get Ben Shapiro to sleep with you.
Jan. 31st, 2008 08:25 pm (UTC)
So will Ben Shapiro.
BLANK - slammerkinbabe - Feb. 2nd, 2008 07:32 am (UTC) - Expand
Jan. 31st, 2008 08:05 pm (UTC)
I don't see a single event with Michelle Malkin. Come on, man! Going to CPAC and not doing the Malkin event is like going to New York and not fucking a tranny hooker going to the Empire State Building!
Feb. 1st, 2008 01:47 am (UTC)
Unless she's one of the to-be-announced guests, it appears that the only CPAC event Stalkin' Malkin will be attending is some seminar that's for students only. As much as it disappoints me, my only chance to make her do some crazy bug-eyed shrieking may be to ambush her in the hotel hallways.
Jan. 31st, 2008 08:19 pm (UTC)
3:30 Forward for Freedom: Looking Ahead to Conservative Victories in 2008

You're going to a science fiction convention?
Jan. 31st, 2008 08:25 pm (UTC)
1:30 PM: Panel – "Is the G.O.P. Still Lost?", featuring Gregg Jackson, Sen. Tom Coburn, Sen. Jim DeMint, Rep. Jeff Flake & Rep. Thad McCotter, moderated by income tax genocidist Richard Viguerie

I bet I know what that panel's answer will be!!

Anyway, have fun at the Happiest Place on Earth. What will you do if you're outed there?
Feb. 1st, 2008 01:47 am (UTC)
Oh, I'm sure people will know I'm a spy in the house of hate. I've been blabbing about it for months. Hopefully I won't get beaten by a jizz-buildup-enraged Ben Shapiro.
Jan. 31st, 2008 08:32 pm (UTC)
Mike Adams *and* Doug Giles on one day? This really is the closest you can get to having a bucket filled with testosterone dumped on you without getting wet.

I'm disappointed there isn't a panel on the queer menace. At least they're shilling a book that probably has at least one chapter that's all about using misquotes of Andrea Dworkin to prove that feminists are out to turn all women into lesbians.

Feb. 1st, 2008 01:48 am (UTC)
There will be plenty of people selling anti-homo literature, if nothing else.
Jan. 31st, 2008 08:41 pm (UTC)
If you get in a fist fight with Bill O'Reilly while there, I'll give you a $100, and my undying praise. If you mortally wound him, I'll delete this entry and pretend I never said anything, but you'd have my undying devotion. Also, $100.
Jan. 31st, 2008 08:45 pm (UTC)
$10 for one of Bolton's mustache hairs
Hey, not to impose myself or anything, but if you're bending an elbow somewhere in DC I'd be down for hanging out. (I really wish I could attend this just to tell Bozell to change his fucking name, already.)
Jan. 31st, 2008 09:23 pm (UTC)
Re: $10 for one of Bolton's mustache hairs
By the way, I'm mesmerized by your cat-washing chimp.
Re: $10 for one of Bolton's mustache hairs - ludickid - Feb. 1st, 2008 01:49 am (UTC) - Expand
Jan. 31st, 2008 09:23 pm (UTC)
Did you decide to go to that White House briefing?

I hope the Hillary movie turns out to be about Edmund Hillary. They'll be so disappointed.
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