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Return of the Monday Poll!

Well, for this week, anyway. And in abbreviated form. Still, beggars/choosers. That means you, Chumpenstein.

Poll #1148205 Questions (three)

What would be the stupidest, most wasteful frivolous purchase of the following?

a Coke machine
25(33.8%)
a cocktail-table video game cabinet
3(4.1%)
a fourth handgun
12(16.2%)
a piece of original comic book art
4(5.4%)
a custom-made pair of cowboy boots
5(6.8%)
paying my taxes
3(4.1%)
wait, you already have THREE handguns? Ha ha, you are a moron
11(14.9%)
I have a much more wasteful and frivolous suggestion I will list in Comments
1(1.4%)
it doesn't matter because you aren't going to buy any of those things anyway
5(6.8%)
hookers
5(6.8%)

An American woman named "Anastasia" who pronounces it "uh-NOS-tuh-SEE-ya" is:

pretentious
3(3.9%)
perfectly acceptable
1(1.3%)
hot
0(0.0%)
crazy
2(2.6%)
how else would you pronounce it?
1(1.3%)
not actually American at all
1(1.3%)
the victim of precious parenting
10(13.2%)
unremarkable
1(1.3%)
AMERICAN WOMAN! Stay away from me-eee! NUH NUH NUH NUH NUH-NUH NUH!
7(9.2%)
oh, my God, I hate that song so much
1(1.3%)

List, if you please, the worst book you have ever read. Give one reason why it is bad.

Comments

( 18 SHOTS LICKED — LICK A SHOT )
oilyrags
Mar. 3rd, 2008 07:49 pm (UTC)
If you have more handguns than hands, you are just wasting your money. And I've seen you, dude! You're not Siva!
calamityjon
Mar. 3rd, 2008 07:55 pm (UTC)
My rule has always been that if there are more handguns in a house than there are people to conceivably hold and use those handguns (two per person, we shall say), then you are officially stockpiling.
oilyrags
Mar. 3rd, 2008 07:56 pm (UTC)
Exactly! And stockpiling is for Mormons and Branch Davidians.
rjwhite
Mar. 3rd, 2008 08:08 pm (UTC)
Same with cats!
marciamarcia
Mar. 3rd, 2008 08:13 pm (UTC)
Unless the cats also have handguns. Then you're just being held hostage.
roninspoon
Mar. 3rd, 2008 07:53 pm (UTC)
If you already have three handguns, it's time to think about a shotgun or rifle. You gotta balance those things out.

Edited at 2008-03-03 07:54 pm (UTC)
perich
Mar. 3rd, 2008 08:01 pm (UTC)
I can't hear that pronunciation in my head without imagining someone with a thick Missourah accent saying, "Uh, nice to see yuh!"

Also: I can go one at length about how bad L. Neil Smith's The Probability Broach is.
pr1ss
Mar. 3rd, 2008 08:19 pm (UTC)
"Uh-NOS-tuh-SEE-ya" just wants occasion to respond with: "uh-NOS-tuh-SEE-you too."
roseyv
Mar. 3rd, 2008 08:20 pm (UTC)
Okay, so I said that I had never finished a book that was that bad; then I read the poll answers and remembered “Coma.” So, my mistake.

Oh, and uh. Yeah. Pretty much the entire V.C. Andrews oevre, but I was like, in tenth grade so it doesn’t count.
subversivegrrl
Mar. 3rd, 2008 08:27 pm (UTC)
Can I revise my worst book answer? Crichton's Timeline, and I have to second roninspoon's vote for Gerald's Game. It was nauseating (but then again, I didn't finish it. Neither did I finish Wing Commander.)
blue_straggler
Mar. 3rd, 2008 08:31 pm (UTC)
Nonononono. A a cocktail-table video game cabinet would not be frivolous, it would be awesome.
elston
Mar. 3rd, 2008 08:34 pm (UTC)
I'd love to have one of those old school 70s vending machines where you pull a bottle from the fridge after depositing your coinage. And I almost bought a Galaga cocktail table once. I was going to use it as my dining room table (NEEEEERRRRRRD).

I forgot to vote in the worst book ever category - it's a tossup between American Psycho (for its beat-you-over-the-head-obvious "satire") and Sister Carrie (tedious as fuck, irritatingly self-righteous). I also read about 50 pages of that Tom Wolfe shitpile about college kids that came out a few years ago, that would've been the runaway winner if I had actually finished it.
ludickid
Mar. 3rd, 2008 09:32 pm (UTC)
You and I are of two minds, my friend. Not only do you list three of the worst books in existence, but you also list the very use to which I would put the cocktail table if I were to buy it. It's actually a bargain, because it costs pretty much the same as a nice dining room table, PLUS it plays games and gives you a place to keep your spare change!
mckennl
Mar. 3rd, 2008 08:54 pm (UTC)
Everything except the Coke Machine is awesome. Cause Coke'll kill ya.

With four loaded guns, it just means less time between reloads. But I agree about the rifle. Time to balance the stockpile!



Edited at 2008-03-03 08:55 pm (UTC)
ndgmtlcd
Mar. 3rd, 2008 11:17 pm (UTC)
I voted for Lord of the Rings as worst book and I meant the trilogy, but any three of those books qualifies as the worst book I've ever read on through. I actually started to read some books that were even worse, but I never made it past page 50 while I read every single page of that blasted Tolkien trilogy.
happinesstogo
Mar. 4th, 2008 12:58 am (UTC)
As someone who has several pieces of original comic strip and book art in her house as well as a stand-up version video game console, there's no way I could vote for either the game or the art options here. Before you get the table version of the game, though, make sure it's high enough for your knees to comfortably fit under it - you're a pretty tall guy so that's something to consider.
hipsterdetritus
Mar. 4th, 2008 05:34 am (UTC)
Seriously. A Coke machine? You have actually given thought to the idea of paying actual real dollar-money simply so you can have your beverages delivered to you in a slightly different conveyance than usual, using a contraption that is the same size as if not larger than an actual refrigerator?
merzbunny
Mar. 4th, 2008 07:47 am (UTC)
Okay, here's what was so bad about the Daffyd ab Hugh Doom novels (aside from the fact that they were fucking Doom novels, by Daffyd ab Hugh for god's sake). He erected a towering edifice of hilarious bullshit to build an EPIC PLOT out of a game that really has none besides "there are monsters, you should shoot maybe?". Here's just one of them: One of the things that always struck my tiny young brain as SO FUCKING RAD about the game was the fact that monsters could accidentally damage each other, and would fight amongst themselves. Hugh spun this out into an intense, millienia-long rivalry that has raged for aeons beyond mortal ken between the Barons of Hell (these guys) and the Cacodemons (these g- stop laughing, dammit!).

This culminated in a scene where our hero, Biff Steakfist or whatever the fuck, finds a room of crucified Barons of Hell and oh the horror, truly these floating pumpkin thingies are mighty foes indeed, and-

wait. They don't have hands. WHAT IS THIS SHIT, DAFYYD, THEY HAVE NO HANDS! And young me sighs, puts the book down, walks away, and comes back and finishes it anyway because he doesn't have anything better to do.
( 18 SHOTS LICKED — LICK A SHOT )