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The TV can shut up now

It's time once again for my pointless, pompous, pestilential American Idol update! Tonight: the ladies try to "curry" my "favors"!

Paula has officially apologized for the pom-pom hairdo, which is big of her, but America will never achieve the healing it so desperately seeks until she apologizes for launching the career of MC Skat Kat. Moving on:

ASIA'H EPPERSON, “I Wanna Dance with Somebody”. She has sort of the same problem as Chikezie: a stupid name A really strong voice but no personality. Strength, but no style. She has to develop some sort of identity, because she's not good enough to coast. As usual, Simon totally has her number, and Paula likes her way, way too much. I think she's good enough to get to the next round, but not much better than that.

KADY MALLOY, "Forever". If the music thing doesn't work out for her, which it clearly isn't going to, Kady might have a bright future ahead of her as a Scarlett Johansson impersonator. Although now that I think about it, Scarlett Johansson has never turned down a movie role, so how much work could there be in standing in for her? This is one of the worst Queen songs ever, and she makes a mess out of it, flattening the shit out of the big note (Randy claims she nails it, because Randy is a fool). Kady is not very good.

AMANDA OVERMYER, "I Hate Myself for Loving You". Nice Axl bandana, Amanda, you drab. Amanda thinks she's a rocker, and there's no better way to prove you're a rocker than doing a Joan Jett song. There's also no better way to prove you're not a rocker than doing a Joan Jett song badly, which she does. I am completely stunned that the judges go so bonkers over this boring, snarl-less performance. Leave my presence at once, Amanda.

CARLY SMITHSON, "I Drove All Night", I know it's really predictable for me to mark out for Carly as much as I do, but what can I tell you? She's cute, she's got a ton of personality, and her voice is really solid, if not stunning. This is an extremely goofy song choice, but she sells it by throwing a ton of salesmanship into it and hitting all the key notes when she needs to. I'm not sure if she's good enough to win, but I see no reason she won't go very far. You can tell Simon loves her because he gives her constructive criticism.

KRISTY LEE COOK, "Faithfully". In her intro segment, she tells an hilarious story about having a massive psychotic episode when she was seven and thinking she was a dog for a year. Unfortunately, this is the last moment of entertainment Kristy Lee Cook will ever provide us. Fie on Kristy Lee Cook and her second-rate cowboy steez; it's sheer dull and does nothing for the song, which is by Journey. God I hate Journey so fucking much. Randy should be thrown down a flight of stairs for being in that band.

RAMIELE MALUBAY, "Against All Odds". You know why I have an irrational dislike of Ramiele? Because she reminds me ever so slightly of Michelle Malkin. Every time she sings I think that she's about to go off on an unscripted tirade about how we should put Arab-Americans in labor camps. Oh, also she's not very good. Good enough to last a few more rounds, but certainly not good enough to win. Additionally, she appears to be Danny Noriega's fag-hag, which can't be good for anyone.

BROOKE WHITE, "Love is a Battlefield". I...what is happening here? Perhaps the kooky arrangement has thrown me, because I'm pretty sure I should hate Brooke White, and instead, I totally loved this performance. I didn't see her last week, but she really impresses me here and I can't quite pinpoint why. The whole thing has left me flustered in a strange and not entirely unpleasant way. Could it be just because Pat Benetar was playing when I lost my virginity? Surely not. Surely not.

SYESHA MERCADO, "Saving All My Love For You". What is going on with Syesha's hat? If Nazis were knitters, they would knit things like that. Anyway, as I've mentioned many times, I usually go for the big churchy R&B/soul-type belters, but none of them are really doing it for me this year, probably because none of them are that good. Syesha should have gone really big and aggressive on this one and she just finessed it to death, leaving me not feeling it at all. She's got a fine voice but she isn't doing anything with it. Meh.

MY PREDICTION: Say goodbye to Kady and Syesha.


Mar. 6th, 2008 02:39 am (UTC)
American Idle

I've not seen a minute of AI. I was traumatized being subjected to Sinbad, Sam Harris and Star Search .

I love both Lauper's and Orbison's "I Drove All Night".
Mar. 6th, 2008 05:34 pm (UTC)
Re: American Idle
I was gonna say, both Lauper and Orbison sang the living snot out of "I Drove All Night," sang it with such emotion and vulnerability that it gave one shivers, what does it say about Simon Cowell's musical education that he only knows it as a Celine Dion song? It's like, when I was a kid because of my parent's musical tastes, I knew a few classic Beatles songs only from Brasil '66's covers of them, but I remedied that as an adult. Simon, buy a CD or three. "All By Myself," also not a Celine joint, dawg.
Mar. 6th, 2008 06:21 pm (UTC)
Re: American Idle
It was the same thing when Simon thought "she fills me up" was exclusively a Whitney song. I actually can't remember myself who WROTE it, but I'm sure Luther did it before Whitney. And Chikezie himself went very authoritatively into the history of the song. One thing I like about that guy, even though his voice is kind of boring, he really knows his shit.
Mar. 6th, 2008 02:46 am (UTC)
I don't know what it is about Brooke White because, like you, I always get the feeling that I should hate her and then she does a solid if not awesome job on the songs. Maybe it's because she reminds me of Skeletor.
Mar. 6th, 2008 04:27 am (UTC)
I keep thinking she's about to sing about what if god was one of us.
Mar. 6th, 2008 04:45 am (UTC)
Man, I just know someone's going to bust out that song sooner or later. All I can hope is that I don't have a gun near the TV when it happens.
Mar. 6th, 2008 04:44 am (UTC)
Her appeal is baffling, but I cannot deny it.
Mar. 6th, 2008 03:36 am (UTC)
I looooooove Brooke White. She's fantastic.

Syesha is my favorite girl though.
Mar. 6th, 2008 04:48 am (UTC)
I think I'm actually wrong about Syesha being endangered this week; I just can't think of who else it would be besides Kady. I'd say Amanda, but the judges inexplicably seem to like her.

Syesha is okay -- she's got the kind of voice I usually like, I just don't think she's really pushing it as much as she should be.
Mar. 6th, 2008 06:14 pm (UTC)
You must have missed her doing "Chain of Fools" during auditions. Girl SLAM DUNKED that song!!!!!!

In my dreams the people going home are Kady Malloy and Kristy Lee Cook.
Mar. 6th, 2008 04:27 am (UTC)
I like Syesha. But what happened to that tiny little one? Is she still around? Do I just not know her name?

Also you're totally right about Katy. She missed the big note so bad, I was SURE the judges were going to tear her a new one. How are they not hearing this?
Mar. 6th, 2008 04:46 am (UTC)
I just don't understand how Randy could say she nailed that note. She couldn't have nailed that note with a Craftsman hammer and a step-by-step diagram. Randy is a fucking dimwit.
Mar. 6th, 2008 06:16 am (UTC)
It's Kady and Asia'h. I put a glottal stop where the apostrophe is, because I'm a racist.
Mar. 6th, 2008 12:53 pm (UTC)
If you had any decency you would refer to her as "Asia'h-America'h".
Mar. 6th, 2008 08:56 am (UTC)
AI isn't exported to this heathen land, so forgive my ignorance. I thought they booted one person a week, not two. Am I wrong?
Mar. 6th, 2008 01:16 pm (UTC)
In the early rounds, they cut more. Tonight, for example, they will lose four people, to get it down to an even dozen, after which I believe they go to one a week.
Mar. 7th, 2008 11:58 pm (UTC)
I also cannot understand the judges' collective boner for Amanda. She's such a one-trick pony, and she doesn't even do her one trick especially well. I'm normally partial to smoky/growly voices, but she's got no range, doesn't contrast it with any tenderness (b/c she can't, I suspect), doesn't make it interesting in any way. And I hate her little Tiny Steps! way of dancing. Also -- and this is the ultimate in shallow, I know -- I kind of can't get over her appearance. She has that odd, rare, Skinny Person With A Fat Face thing going on, and even tho it's unfair, it makes me dislike her even more.

Kristy bores me as well. I hate the weird bowlegged stance she assumes while singing, too. I guess I'm all about shallow this year.

Brooke is like the Tori Amos of AI. She does all these weird folksy covers that are oddly compelling, even tho you know you should kind of hate her.


flavored with age
Gun-totin', Chronic-smokin' Hearse Initiator
Ludic Log


Leonard Pierce is a freelance writer wandering around Texas with no sleep or sense of direction. If you give him money he will write something for you. If you are nice to him he may come to your house and get drunk.

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