Gun-totin', Chronic-smokin' Hearse Initiator (ludickid) wrote,
Gun-totin', Chronic-smokin' Hearse Initiator

The TV can shut up now

It's time once again for my pointless, pompous, pestilential American Idol update! Tonight: the ladies try to "curry" my "favors"!

Paula has officially apologized for the pom-pom hairdo, which is big of her, but America will never achieve the healing it so desperately seeks until she apologizes for launching the career of MC Skat Kat. Moving on:

ASIA'H EPPERSON, “I Wanna Dance with Somebody”. She has sort of the same problem as Chikezie: a stupid name A really strong voice but no personality. Strength, but no style. She has to develop some sort of identity, because she's not good enough to coast. As usual, Simon totally has her number, and Paula likes her way, way too much. I think she's good enough to get to the next round, but not much better than that.

KADY MALLOY, "Forever". If the music thing doesn't work out for her, which it clearly isn't going to, Kady might have a bright future ahead of her as a Scarlett Johansson impersonator. Although now that I think about it, Scarlett Johansson has never turned down a movie role, so how much work could there be in standing in for her? This is one of the worst Queen songs ever, and she makes a mess out of it, flattening the shit out of the big note (Randy claims she nails it, because Randy is a fool). Kady is not very good.

AMANDA OVERMYER, "I Hate Myself for Loving You". Nice Axl bandana, Amanda, you drab. Amanda thinks she's a rocker, and there's no better way to prove you're a rocker than doing a Joan Jett song. There's also no better way to prove you're not a rocker than doing a Joan Jett song badly, which she does. I am completely stunned that the judges go so bonkers over this boring, snarl-less performance. Leave my presence at once, Amanda.

CARLY SMITHSON, "I Drove All Night", I know it's really predictable for me to mark out for Carly as much as I do, but what can I tell you? She's cute, she's got a ton of personality, and her voice is really solid, if not stunning. This is an extremely goofy song choice, but she sells it by throwing a ton of salesmanship into it and hitting all the key notes when she needs to. I'm not sure if she's good enough to win, but I see no reason she won't go very far. You can tell Simon loves her because he gives her constructive criticism.

KRISTY LEE COOK, "Faithfully". In her intro segment, she tells an hilarious story about having a massive psychotic episode when she was seven and thinking she was a dog for a year. Unfortunately, this is the last moment of entertainment Kristy Lee Cook will ever provide us. Fie on Kristy Lee Cook and her second-rate cowboy steez; it's sheer dull and does nothing for the song, which is by Journey. God I hate Journey so fucking much. Randy should be thrown down a flight of stairs for being in that band.

RAMIELE MALUBAY, "Against All Odds". You know why I have an irrational dislike of Ramiele? Because she reminds me ever so slightly of Michelle Malkin. Every time she sings I think that she's about to go off on an unscripted tirade about how we should put Arab-Americans in labor camps. Oh, also she's not very good. Good enough to last a few more rounds, but certainly not good enough to win. Additionally, she appears to be Danny Noriega's fag-hag, which can't be good for anyone.

BROOKE WHITE, "Love is a Battlefield". I...what is happening here? Perhaps the kooky arrangement has thrown me, because I'm pretty sure I should hate Brooke White, and instead, I totally loved this performance. I didn't see her last week, but she really impresses me here and I can't quite pinpoint why. The whole thing has left me flustered in a strange and not entirely unpleasant way. Could it be just because Pat Benetar was playing when I lost my virginity? Surely not. Surely not.

SYESHA MERCADO, "Saving All My Love For You". What is going on with Syesha's hat? If Nazis were knitters, they would knit things like that. Anyway, as I've mentioned many times, I usually go for the big churchy R&B/soul-type belters, but none of them are really doing it for me this year, probably because none of them are that good. Syesha should have gone really big and aggressive on this one and she just finessed it to death, leaving me not feeling it at all. She's got a fine voice but she isn't doing anything with it. Meh.

MY PREDICTION: Say goodbye to Kady and Syesha.

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