2. I have now read two separate testimonials by authentic musical Negroes that James Taylor is one of the funkiest white men they've ever heard. Are these people insane, or is there just some huge gap in my knowledge of the wine-cultivating honky who sang "Fire and Rain" and "You've Got a Friend" where he was Superfly for five minutes? It's not like I've gone through his whole catalog or nothin', but if this guy was even able to fake the funk for half a second, I certainly never heard it. And yet he has the recommendation of Don Cornelius AND James Brown. That's Soul Brothers #s 1 and 2, right there. Were they possibly talking about a different James Taylor?
3. I like to do newspaper mash-ups. This is where I take like eight Vicodins and look at the headlines on Google News until they start to blend together: for example, I now believe that the same people responsible for the death of Tupac Shakur also killed Princess Diana, that 400 Mormon kids are being taken from their home and shipped to Iraq to crack down on renegade militias, and that tired fat babies make Dick Vitale cry. It's way better than the actual news.