1. I had to break into my house this weekend. It was dismayingly easy. Don't get any ideas, though, you people who know where I live; I'm at home a lot and I'm crazy and gun-toting.
2. I have now read two separate testimonials by authentic musical Negroes that James Taylor is one of the funkiest white men they've ever heard. Are these people insane, or is there just some huge gap in my knowledge of the wine-cultivating honky who sang "Fire and Rain" and "You've Got a Friend" where he was Superfly for five minutes? It's not like I've gone through his whole catalog or nothin', but if this guy was even able to fake the funk for half a second, I certainly never heard it. And yet he has the recommendation of Don Cornelius AND James Brown. That's Soul Brothers #s 1 and 2, right there. Were they possibly talking about a different James Taylor?
3. I like to do newspaper mash-ups. This is where I take like eight Vicodins and look at the headlines on Google News until they start to blend together: for example, I now believe that the same people responsible for the death of Tupac Shakur also killed Princess Diana, that 400 Mormon kids are being taken from their home and shipped to Iraq to crack down on renegade militias, and that tired fat babies make Dick Vitale cry. It's way better than the actual news.
2. I have now read two separate testimonials by authentic musical Negroes that James Taylor is one of the funkiest white men they've ever heard. Are these people insane, or is there just some huge gap in my knowledge of the wine-cultivating honky who sang "Fire and Rain" and "You've Got a Friend" where he was Superfly for five minutes? It's not like I've gone through his whole catalog or nothin', but if this guy was even able to fake the funk for half a second, I certainly never heard it. And yet he has the recommendation of Don Cornelius AND James Brown. That's Soul Brothers #s 1 and 2, right there. Were they possibly talking about a different James Taylor?
3. I like to do newspaper mash-ups. This is where I take like eight Vicodins and look at the headlines on Google News until they start to blend together: for example, I now believe that the same people responsible for the death of Tupac Shakur also killed Princess Diana, that 400 Mormon kids are being taken from their home and shipped to Iraq to crack down on renegade militias, and that tired fat babies make Dick Vitale cry. It's way better than the actual news.
Comments
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/James_Taylor_Quartet
http://www.myspace.com/jamestaylorquartet
Edited at 2008-04-08 06:38 am (UTC)
I should sign up.
Well, the slam is every Tuesday at Atomix, around 10 pm. If you ever come by, let me know.
Anyone can see that this just another way in which the darker people like to mess with our minds. You know, like, making up crazy-ass words for things and wearing their pants down below their crotch-lines and making us think it’s “cool” and “hip?” That way when we do it, they get to snicker at us over their Lillet whilst listening to Mahler of an evening. “Hey, you know what? Let’s a few of us get together and tell the white folks James Taylor is one funky-ass superfreak! Guffaw!” It’s all part of the plant to render our hipness-obsessed youth weak and vulnerable, making them useless to defend themselves in the inevitable, coming Race Wars.