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JUMP BACK | BE FORWARD

Goodbye, American Woman

No, I mean it. Stay away. I'm honesty fearful for my safety when you're around. Of course I'm serious.

I always say "mama". It's slang. Like "baby". Well, that's your opinion. It's not Freudian.

How is it your door too? I pay for this place. Well, half plus half the utilities. My name is on the lease first.

I don't want to see any part of you, to be perfectly honest. I only mentioned the face first because I'm a gentleman.

Lots of things. I have bass practice, and my antique can collection, and -- well, it's important to me.

Oh, I knew you were going to bring up my being Canadian. This is why we can't communicate


Your shadow. Like, any aspect of you. You say "poetic" like it's an insult. Well, just because you got a B- in English, I...

Of course they can. I've seen it on television. Like, swirly coloured lights. Pinwheels. It was on Carson.


Yes, I said "sparkle"! What's funny about that? You know how old I am. I...what has that got to do with anything? Oh, I don't know...do you think there's something girly about being, uh, a pain in the ass?


I know they're not literally your war machines. But you paid for them. No, we don't have any. We have National Marine Conservation Areas. I don't have to prove it. It's a matter of public record.

Oh, all the sudden I'm the racist. I'm not saying I don't like the ghetto scene because of the people who live in it. They're just dirty, that's all. Yes, go ahead, make fun. We're quite proud of our cleanliness.

It's not you. It's me. Well, partly me. Also you.

Yes, I do have to say it like that. It's for dramatic effect.

No, you leave already!

Comments

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thebitterguy
Apr. 9th, 2008 02:29 am (UTC)
I'll have to tell Burton about that at the lodge.
ludickid
Apr. 9th, 2008 02:38 am (UTC)
Remind him that I once threw an ashtray at his head.
atlasimpure
Apr. 11th, 2008 07:37 am (UTC)
Brilliant.
elston
Apr. 9th, 2008 02:42 am (UTC)
Things the songs of the Guess Who have taught me about Canada
- Canada suffers from constant sugar shortages, often forcing citizens to consume their coffee or tea without sweeteners. This causes many Canadians to resort to other substances, such as wine or what they call "goodies," to satisfy their chemical cravings.

- Land is shared on a communal basis, given away by the government with nothing more than a handshake deal. However, Canada's youth are resentful over this, believing it to be a "hand me down world."
ludickid
Apr. 9th, 2008 02:51 am (UTC)
Re: Things the songs of the Guess Who have taught me about Canada
- Extreme cold has rendered many Canadians unable to process emotional experiences through any sensory apparatus other then the visual, and they place an immense amount of importance on the health of these eyes.
hipsterdetritus
Apr. 9th, 2008 04:46 am (UTC)
Re: Things the songs of the Guess Who have taught me about Canada
While it can cost only $25,000 to look like a woman, it will cost an additional $12,000 to look like your sister.

I seriously wish I was making this up.
jtataryn
Apr. 9th, 2008 06:29 pm (UTC)
Things the songs of the Guess Who have taught me about Canada
For obvious reasons, you cannot imagine how much I loved this post.
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