- drinking lattes
- eating sushi
- familiarity with unusual produce
- getting expensive haircuts
- unfamiliarity with bowling
- wearing expensive clothes
- obtaining a law degree, unless you are conservative
- attending an Ivy League university, unless you are conservative
- looking foolish in a helmet
- knowing about things, generally
Now, I don’t want to get all David Brooksy on anyone, but I am not entirely unfamiliar with the desires of the common man. Despite my own status as an effeminate, overeducated comsymp liberal traitor, I was raised in the heartland by a working-class white Christian couple with roots in the deep South. No one in my immediate family has a college degree, but almost all of the men are veterans. I am, in fact, the scion of the very common people of America who are supposedly predisposed to loathe effete snobs like Barry “Aragula” Obama.
As such, I would like to point out some other things that common people like, which I expect FOX News to bring up with John McCain at the soonest possible opportunity:
- The common people like unions.
- The common people would enjoy having cheap or free health care, and cheap or free educations for their kids. In fact, the common people love it when the government pays for things.
- The common people are gung ho for Social Security, unemployment insurance, and other federal aid programs.
- The common people don’t understand the stock market, and distrust banks and financial institutions in general.
- The common people are crazy for violent video games, pornography, rap music, and the filthy gutter entertainment coming out of Hollywood.
- The common people sure do like taking illegal drugs!
- The common people would like six weeks off a year. Maternity leave, too. And a pension.
- The common people kinda resent the fact that they have to send their kids off to die in a stupid war.
- The common people like fucking.
- The common people, probably more than anything else in the whole world, would like their bosses to pay them more money.
In light of this, it sure seems like one party is incredibly out of touch with what the common people want. So how come it’s the other party that always ends up on the wrong end of the “elitist” label?