Gun-totin', Chronic-smokin' Hearse Initiator (ludickid) wrote,
Gun-totin', Chronic-smokin' Hearse Initiator

Even dead, Nixon is a living punchline.

Blame calamityjon for this one; 'twas he who said my demented theory must be shared with the world, or at least that small percentage of the world who reads my LiveJournal.

Here is something I discovered: If you read transcripts of Richard Nixon's secret tapes, only you imagine that Nixon's lines are being spoken by employees from the Helping Hand Acceptance Corporation in Repo Man, the result is nothing short of revelatory.

For example, can you not see the beauty of this:

"Do you know what happened to the Romans? The last six Roman emperors were fags. . . . You know what happened to the popes? It’s all right that popes were laying the nuns."

or this:

"But, I, I, I believe having said all I have, I have a tremendous [unintelligible], I see these kids, and we've all, we've all, uh, grown up, and, there was smoking, there was alcohol, there's a lot of other things people do, er, in the old days, etc. etc. I mean, there's a, the uh, maybe, uh, uh, going to see Greta Garbo in the day, etc. etc. Don't Call Me Yellow, is that --"

as read by Tracey Walter as burned-out acid casualty Miller? (Also, the fact that Nixon thought that I Am Curious Yellow was called Don't Call Me Yellow has to be one of the most awesome things ever.)

Harry Dean Stanton's grizzled repo man Bud, as Nixon, discussing the drug problem:

"Do you think the Russians allow dope? Hell no. Not if they can catch it, they send them up. You see, homosexuality, dope, uh, immorality in general: These are the enemies of strong societies. That’s why the Communists and the left-wingers are pushing it. They’re trying to destroy us."

Helping Hand's owner/operator, the immortal Oly, as Nixon, asking an eternal question:

"What the Christ is the matter with the Jews, Bob? What is the matter with them? I suppose it's because most of them are psychiatrists, you know, there's so many, all the greatest psychiatrists are Jewish. By God we are going to hit the marijuana thing, and I want to hit it right square in the puss, I want to find a way of putting more on that."

Otto, of course, plays by H.R. Haldeman, who occasionally raises a half-hearted objection but mostly just tries to stay out of the way. Here's Sy Richardson's bad motherfucker Lite as Nixon:

"Well what did you think [unintelligible]. But it's ridiculous, these damn little things that keep farting around, fighting with each other and competing with each other, and, huh."

You can even have creepy, prosthetics-sporting federal Agent Rogersz get in on the fun: just place her in the role of Art Linkletter when he consults with President Repo about the nation's increasing problem with "druggers". If there are any theatrical agents in the house, I think we could get a fine off-Broadway show out of this...

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