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Me and the IRS: A Chat Log

me: yo yo yo IRS what is up with you tonight my brother

irs.gov: how can i assist you

me: where my rebate at

irs.gov: please hep me in finding that shit out by entering the following information

me: you got it homes, i gots to get that mayonnaise

irs.gov: what are you going to do with it

me: i gots some major discretionary spending purchases to make, i'm all stimulizing the economy

irs.gov: right on to that my brother only here is the problem i cannot find out when you can be especting that moneys

me: what how come why for

irs.gov: ask again later

me: i am asking again now fool

irs.gov: perhaps you did not enter the correct information what i asked you for

me: perhaps you can suck a nut

irs.gov: i am but a humble computer that is beyond my capacities

me: anyhoot get on that shit, i need to spend all that money like the president tole me to

irs.gov: probably you will get it soon

me: when is soon, motha fucksta, i am sposed to have it now on account of my primo social

irs.gov: how about we audit you instead would that make you happier

me: no, no, man its cool

irs.gov: so how come you didnt talk to that girl at the bookstore she was all checking you out

me: i think she was just reacting to my funky aromas

irs.gov: i am a government-operated help line i know a scopeout when i remotely envision it

me: anyway it would not have worked out between us

irs.gov: y

me: she was buying an emily dickingson anthology

irs.gov: thank you for calling

Comments

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thaitea
May. 6th, 2008 04:13 am (UTC)
Maybe that dickingson anthology was a gift for her emo sister. ONE NEVER KNOWS.

uvula_fr_b4
May. 6th, 2008 01:04 pm (UTC)
So when did the youth of today stop saying "cabbage" or "clams" or "cheddar" and start saying "mayonnaise" in reference to the coin of the realm? Talk about reinforcing negative ethnic/racial self-perceptions by referring to legal tender by a slang term for this country's dominant racial group....
rum_holiday
May. 6th, 2008 02:12 pm (UTC)
You could have amused her by singing all of the poems to the tune of "The Yellow Rose Of Texas". Chicks dig that.
quba
May. 6th, 2008 02:25 pm (UTC)
Nice. I too enjoy mayonnaise.
roseyv
May. 6th, 2008 04:24 pm (UTC)
Oh man that was hilarious.

You should totally make the irs.gov robot a recurring character, like on SNL.
blue_straggler
May. 6th, 2008 09:00 pm (UTC)
Nice.
slammerkinbabe
May. 7th, 2008 12:11 am (UTC)
Is the penultimate line meant to indicate that you are one of those people who thinks Emily Dickinson is overrated, or just that the only people who buy Dickinson anthologies are lesbians?

I can support the latter, but not the former. Being a lesbian and all.

Edited at 2008-05-07 12:14 am (UTC)
ludickid
May. 7th, 2008 12:27 am (UTC)
I can't imagine Emily Dickinson being overrated because she's so bad that you could say she was horrible and I'd say that was overrating her.

I did not know that lesbians were particularly fond of her.
slammerkinbabe
May. 7th, 2008 02:11 am (UTC)
Well, she was queer. Check the girl for whom she wrote "Wild Nights".
eatsoylentgreen
May. 7th, 2008 01:28 am (UTC)
that was cute!
( 10 SHOTS LICKED — LICK A SHOT )

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ludickid
Gun-totin', Chronic-smokin' Hearse Initiator
Ludic Log

PROPRIETOR

Leonard Pierce is a freelance writer wandering around Texas with no sleep or sense of direction. If you give him money he will write something for you. If you are nice to him he may come to your house and get drunk.

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