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So I've been thinking about starting a new website called #FFFFFF. It would be all about how Americans are super-crazy about race (their #2 imaginary thing to get upset about, right after religion). Kind of like Stuff White People Like, but instead of "ha ha here is a funny list of things that a theoretical East Coast NPR listener/knowledge professional/white person probably enjoys", it would be "ha ha here are some news items about how much white people like racism". There would probably be other ism, like sex-, national-, tribal-, class-, and so forth sprinkled in to keep things interesting, and then there would be a special message board for people to complain about how this would be totally unfair if we lived in a fantasy world where all races were equal, or mention that other races are even more worser, or to point out to my great shock that I myself am white. And then everybody would have a party.

I even wrote this theme song:

It's the hot new race that's going 'round
They're coming to and subsequently buying your town
Ooh, white people

They like to document everything they do
Package it up and sell it to you
Oooh, white people

White people! (x3)

They don't believe in racial hate
It's just that white people are really great
Ooh, white people

So all you coloreds, watch and learn
Everything they've got, they totally earned
Ooh, white people

White people! (x3)


If someone could write that up and set it to a burbling electro-rocker tune somewhere between Total Coelo and Freezepop, that would be great. Also if you could sing the lyrics in a comically exaggerated Japanese accent, that would make it more racist, and therefore better, thanks a lot.

There is absolutely no way this is not a terrible idea, so I'm sure you'll all be behind me. Way, way behind me.

Comments

( 18 SHOTS LICKED — LICK A SHOT )
fengi
May. 9th, 2008 12:56 pm (UTC)
My first reaction is "if you sell t-shirts, the brief period of notoriety could probably net you car, if not a house".

My second reaction is "Vice Magazine!"
ludickid
May. 9th, 2008 12:58 pm (UTC)
Vice is really more about how the editors of Vice Magazine like racism.
fengi
May. 9th, 2008 01:06 pm (UTC)
True! Also lulz as ouroboros as cover for racsim, "When I said I wasn't serious about it, I was kidding - if you think you get that, you don't."
audacian
May. 9th, 2008 01:14 pm (UTC)
"ha ha here is a funny list of things that a theoretical East Coast NPR listener/knowledge professional/white person probably enjoys"

I have to say it's pretty accurate sometimes.
hipsterdetritus
May. 9th, 2008 02:30 pm (UTC)
Yeah, he really nailed a lot of those things I've heard secondhand that upper-middle-class white coastal liberals like a lot.
tawdryjones
May. 9th, 2008 01:24 pm (UTC)
All My Peeves.com
This is good and I heartily encourage it. Please be sure to include people's rabid fascination with calling themselves Irish or Italian (or whatever race you like) when they've never seen that country and only one of their grandparents even speaks a foreign language.
ludickid
May. 9th, 2008 09:59 pm (UTC)
RateMyPeeves.com
"I know what racism is like! I'm German-American, and we were really discriminated against in WWI."
oilyrags
May. 9th, 2008 02:07 pm (UTC)
I'd like to take this opportunity to mention that I once dated a black girl and another time I dated an indian chick and taken together this proves that I'm not a racist and a good person and therefore affirmative action should be abolished.
ludickid
May. 9th, 2008 09:59 pm (UTC)
I think that gives you a free pass to say anything you want about any race ever!
johnnylemonhead
May. 9th, 2008 02:51 pm (UTC)
i'm hummin' it already!
ludickid
May. 9th, 2008 09:59 pm (UTC)
In my head, it's a catchy little number.
johnnylemonhead
May. 9th, 2008 10:58 pm (UTC)
*hums* mmm mmm, white people!
calamityjon
May. 9th, 2008 04:04 pm (UTC)
Hm, can we create a rider website, "theonlysociallyacceptableformofracismleft.com," where we can post anti-arab screeds from Jews crying anti-semitism, anti-black screeds from whites crying reverse racism, and anti-Mel Brooks screeds from Irish-American guys who didn't get that one joke in Blazing Saddles about the niggers and the chinks?
ludickid
May. 9th, 2008 10:00 pm (UTC)
This can all be incorporated into the "My Pain Is Special" portion of the site.
tritium
May. 9th, 2008 04:43 pm (UTC)
You know what? I think this is an excellent idea. No joke. But only because you'd be behind it. I mean, I'm all for watching others stir the shit and gleefully observing what results, but it's no fun if it just devolves into the same old pointless name-calling. With you at the helm, I know that at least one side, the name-calling will be fresh and erudite.

It seems like a shitload of work and a shitload of patience, but if anyone can weather that long, thankless slog, it would be you. And you clearly have a good idea of what you'd be getting yourself into.
ludickid
May. 9th, 2008 10:01 pm (UTC)
I'd totally do it if I could figure out a way to make it turn a buck.
kudaspeaks
May. 9th, 2008 09:28 pm (UTC)
For the last time, I am upset about teenagers being allowed on the bus and it takes up all of my outrage time and energy. Please don't lump me in with those crazy white people you know, you racist.

P.S. THERE ARE TEENAGERS ON MY BUS.
ludickid
May. 9th, 2008 10:01 pm (UTC)
But what of your lawn?
( 18 SHOTS LICKED — LICK A SHOT )

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Leonard Pierce is a freelance writer wandering around Texas with no sleep or sense of direction. If you give him money he will write something for you. If you are nice to him he may come to your house and get drunk.

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