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JUMP BACK | BE FORWARD

Lyrical themes of golden age old-school hip-hop of which prematurely geezerish rap writer Paul Kix is apparently unaware:

- Going to a friend's house, where you are served unpalatable food
- Having shoes that hurt your corns
- Farting, boogers, doll collections
- Wacky new dance crazes
- Picking up on girls who wear French perfume and florescent socks
- Party and bullshit and party and bullshit and party and bullshit
- Comically nasal "white guy" voices
- Being a father to your children
- Misunderstanding the ordering process at Burger King
- Singing a duet with a ventriloquist's dummy of a rival rapper

See, Paul, for every "put my pistol up against his head/I said, 'sucka-ass nigga, I should shoot you dead'", there were a million songs like that, and one of the ways that the authors of even these lame, banal lyrics managed to be cooler than you was by not spending a lot of time thinking about whether or not they were impressing some self-satisfied white kid from Iowa. Now, go back to your same old 20-year-old Public Enemy mixtape, and try not to think too hard about how you're exactly like those old hippies you used to hate back in the day who said that there hadn't been any good music made since the Beatles broke up.

Comments

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steve_hicken
May. 12th, 2008 04:57 pm (UTC)
Well played, LP.
oilyrags
May. 12th, 2008 05:26 pm (UTC)
- Forgetting one's billfold in a suburb of LA.
calamityjon
May. 12th, 2008 05:30 pm (UTC)
There's no need to argue, Paul Kix just don't understand
The entire article falls apart if just because he thinks Iowa is only two years behind the coolness curve...
hipsterdetritus
May. 12th, 2008 05:49 pm (UTC)
Iowhat, Iowho?
I am actually wondering if "Paul Kix" is his real name or if it is actually his idea of a super-superb-and-supreme mic-controller alias that all the ladies will want to have in their little black books. I imagine him scribbling PAUL KIX IS #1 DOPEST in halfassed graf style all over the overpasses and switchboxes of Council Bluffs. While wearing an 8-ball jacket. In 1998.
rjwhite
May. 12th, 2008 05:50 pm (UTC)
Eh, the Beatles are so overrated.
tritium
May. 12th, 2008 06:22 pm (UTC)
Thirty Helens agree: hip-hop was better before.
mrwomack
May. 12th, 2008 07:49 pm (UTC)
Also - Freddy, and the inability to be ready for him
Yeah, any article about where the writer argues that he's "cooler" than popular music probably shouldn't include the line about "the lyrics were all that much harder to decipher, hiding behind drawls and weighed down by bling."

'You can't even understand the words!' is exactly what my mom would say to 1980s me, before telling me that THAT'S why Vaughn Monroe was "cooler" than whatever band I was listening to.
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