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Well, congratulations, America! You managed to find a guy even more boring than Taylor Hicks!

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ninafarina
May. 22nd, 2008 05:07 am (UTC)
That's just crazy talk.

A. Taylor Hicks is not boring. He's just silly.

B. I'm pleased. It was (a) the best finale I've seen, even though it was the worst season; and (b) David Cook reminds me unrelentingly of my friend Bryan McDonald, which of course nobody else should care about, but it was a beautiful moment for me when he sang a few bars of "Father Figure," which my friend used to cover with hammy gusto.

But seriously. BEST SEASON FINALE EVER. Donna Summer! Bryan Adams! Graham Nash! George Michael! I think they figured out how to be artful about paying homage to the greats of pop music. Even the Gladys Knight & the Pips skit was 100 times better than creepy hologram Elvis from last year.

(I say that with the big caveat that I missed the year Prince performed.)
ludickid
May. 22nd, 2008 11:48 am (UTC)
CONTRA
A. I believe that, in fact, Taylor Hicks is both boring and silly.

B. Of all the performers on the finale, the only one I like is Donna Summer, and I am ashamed of liking her.

Anyway, I'm pleased too, if only because I bet someone at work that David Cook would win, and now I get a free Chicago dog for lunch.
(Deleted comment)
ludickid
May. 22nd, 2008 11:49 am (UTC)
Yeah, neither of these putzes winning is an ideal outcome, but honestly, America...DAVID COOK?
doraphilia
May. 22nd, 2008 11:43 am (UTC)
Would you have rather the pre-teen muppet-voiced guy win? really, david cook will at least sell records...
ludickid
May. 22nd, 2008 11:51 am (UTC)
Yes! Archuleta at least is a better singer, and he's fun to watch because he's retarded. David Cook is dull and phony. And I don't think he'll sell records! I think he'll be one of those Idol winners who kinda fades away. And I certainly think that Archuleta will be more successful.

I guess we'll see...thought I honestly don't much care what happens to people after the show.
freetaco
May. 23rd, 2008 03:44 am (UTC)
"Archie" will make bank when he release the Christian rock album he was born to make. He will be the Garth Brooks of Christian rock.
ortho_bob
May. 22nd, 2008 12:41 pm (UTC)
Avoided the show all season but caught the last two minutes last night and thought it was nice they let the man who came to clean the drains perform the final song.
fiberpunk
May. 22nd, 2008 03:01 pm (UTC)
I was entertaining myself at work yesterday by singing anything that came into my head as David Cook would. It's easy. You start whispery and hoarse:

there's a bright golden haze on the meadow

Just fall off there on "meadow." Shark-boy would have held that note, but that's not your style. You're like a poet. Except you didn't write this poem.

there's a bright golden haze [long pause] on the meadow.

You notice that your makeup woman's niece is sitting next to that half-black guy from Prison Break. They're both in tears. You've only got a minute and a half for each song, so it's time to start climbing up. But as soon as you start shouting, switch to the harmony line:

the corn [pause] is as high AS AN ELEPHANT'S EYE-YI-YI

Randy's going to love the brief excursion into your "false." Paula's going to mention how great it is that you're "wallowing in a pool of your own self." You don't want to disappoint them, so you'll need to get back to Slint-style mumbling:

AND IT LOOKS [pause] like it's climbing [big pause] clear up to the sky

You are a fucking star. Daughtry is going to be tasting you when he goes down on groupies. Time to kill this bitch and head back to your apartment; you're making $350--fuck your dad for saying that doesn't sound like much--for an appearance at the America's Favorites Award tomorrow night, and you still haven't picked out a brown t-shirt.

oh what a BE-YOO-TI-FUL morning

morning

morning

morning

The audience is yours. The glitter on the "Now You're Cookin'!" sign that the producer gave your mom keeps shining in your eyes. You look left, offstage. Ruben Studdard is taking oxygen. He waves. You don't wave back.
ludickid
May. 22nd, 2008 03:10 pm (UTC)
Every time a boring, marginally talented white guy wins American Idol, Clay Aiken gets his wings.
lucifrix
May. 22nd, 2008 04:40 pm (UTC)
I'm still bitter about Ruben vs Clay.

I'm taking medication for it.
shekb
May. 22nd, 2008 03:57 pm (UTC)
The Taylor Hicks season was the best season. He was the only thing worth watching on the show for weeks. This season, though, was so boring I stopped watching it.
drownedinink
May. 22nd, 2008 04:09 pm (UTC)
Well, we are in the Neo-1950s...
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Leonard Pierce is a freelance writer wandering around Texas with no sleep or sense of direction. If you give him money he will write something for you. If you are nice to him he may come to your house and get drunk.

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