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Curt Clangbury, Conservative

Skullbucket Media Ventures, Inc. is pleased to announce the arrival of a major new talent to our publishing arm. Curt Clangbury is a cattle futures speculator, cryptozoology enthusiast, and part-time decorative electric fountain salesman in Elmendorf, TX. We first met Curt on Farm Road 327, when he made fun of us for getting a flat tire; since then, his friendship, forceful personality, unique blend of fundamentalist Christianity and hardcore Objectivism, and weekly column, "You Have Failed, Probably" in the Elmendorf Trader-Gazette have made him an important part of our daily lives.

At age 13, Curt Clangbury noticed that some people had opinions, interests and ideas at variance with his own. Ever since then, he has devoted his life to making sure that such people know that he finds them unacceptable and will spend his remaining years on this Earth ensuring that they are ridden out of town on a rail, or out of the country on a boat, whichever is applicable. His angry letters and phone calls to the Government Publications Library and various automated help lines have entertained millions, and his simple and direct political philosophy, in which all problems can be solved by either a standing army, tax cuts, or both, appeals to an increasing cross-section of semi-employable Americans.

Up until summer of 2008, Curt Clangbury was content to let his message get through in his weekly newspaper column and his semi-annual recorded phone tirades to the gas company. But this June, faced with the inescapable prospect of having to not vote for either a woman or a Negro in the upcoming presidential elections, he decided that he needed a wider platform for his timely and well-informed views. We here at the Skullbucket are happy to provide him with that platform, and in the next several months, we will be proud to present some of Mr. Clangbury's essays, opinions and observations, as well as selected excerpts from his forthcoming book, No, I'm Afraid Not: My America.


Jun. 11th, 2008 12:52 pm (UTC)
mr. clangbury! mr. clangbury!
Mr. Clangbury! Gerald Marion, of the Herald-Clarion. You were quoted in the Sumter Tradesman Penny-Saver as advocating that all homeless people, quote, be put in a large wooden box and thrown into the sea, close quote. Could you elaborate on this initiative?
Jun. 11th, 2008 01:06 pm (UTC)
Re: mr. clangbury! mr. clangbury!
Curt Clangbury counters:

"Thank you for your inquiry. First, that is a misquote, and one that I'd love to believe is a simple mistake but which in fact is typical of the liberal media bias that marks the Tradesman Penny-Saver and which is, I'm afraid, endemic to Sumter, Oswego, Privateer, Daizell, and the entire Sumter County voting area. What I actually said was that all homeless people, so called, be granted a large wooden box -- to be paid for by a lottery in which the reward is a year without inheritance tax -- and escorted to the sea, where they can live peaceably without having to bear the scorn and disapprobation of people who actually work for a living. I would also like to clarify that a large wooden box is more of a home than many of these people have now, and that in fact, we'd be doing them a favor.

Indeed, the Box Initiative is not meant as a punishment, but a reward. Once at sea, the homeless, so called, will be free, as all men should, to form their own sovereign nation, where they will be free to avoid the pitfalls of confiscatory taxation and the grasping hand of the safety inspector. Why, I only wish that I were given such an opportunity!"
Jun. 11th, 2008 11:15 pm (UTC)
Re: mr. clangbury! mr. clangbury!
Why, I only wish that I were given such an opportunity!

I think I know some people who might be willing to help you with arranging that sort of opportunity, Mr. Clangbury. We'll be in touch. No need to thank us.
Jun. 12th, 2008 06:50 pm (UTC)
Re: mr. clangbury! mr. clangbury!
I have heard that life there is better, down where it is wetter under the sea. Under the sea.
Jun. 11th, 2008 02:01 pm (UTC)
Why does the Negro cling to entitlement programs and affirmative action? And why do they act like the Borg Collective? Especially when it comes to giving me mean looks when I dance to Yung Joc?
Jun. 11th, 2008 02:31 pm (UTC)
Curt Clangbury counters:

"Thank you for your inquiry. My very first post here on the 'Skill Bucket' will consist of the History of the Negro Race in America, and will hopefully answer many of your questions, but in brief, ever since being relieved of the responsibility of slavery, the Negro has forgotten how to work hard, and as a result has become dependent on liberal workfare programs and armed robbery to keep body and soul together. I'm not sure who this Yung Joc fellow is, but his name reminds me of Carl Jung, who is one of the many people who illustrate why whites are intellectually superior to blacks, even though I do not hold truck with that psycho-therapeutic nonsense."


flavored with age
Gun-totin', Chronic-smokin' Hearse Initiator
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Leonard Pierce is a freelance writer wandering around Texas with no sleep or sense of direction. If you give him money he will write something for you. If you are nice to him he may come to your house and get drunk.

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