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JUMP BACK | BE FORWARD

A TIMELINE, CAREFULLY RESEARCHED AND PREPARED BY CURT CLANGBURY, CONSERVATIVE


c. 1619: Blacks first arrive in America. Historical research has turned up no definitive answers as to why they were brought here, but most people believe that it was a misguided attempt by early settlers to promote "diversity".

c. 1770: The institution of "slavery" is in full bloom, and has the blessing of Founding Father Thomas Jefferson, thus making it exempt from criticism. The specifics of life under "slavery" are vague, but it is known that it taught blacks the value of hard work, prevented shiftlessness, and helped boost the agricultural economy.

1787: Scientists James Wilson and Roger Sherman determine that, genetically, blacks are no more than three-fifths of a human being. It is also around this time that explorers learn that some Arabs and blacks are slave traders, thus allowing future generations to exempt whites from the guilt of buying all the slaves to begin with. (See also: The War on Drugs.)

1808: Madisonian liberals in Congress tamper with the smooth functioning of the free market by outlawing the international slave trade, forcing southern farmers to encourage blacks to breed in a more profitable way. Some believe that mistreatment of slaves began to markedly increase around this time, but it has been proven, vide Paul Craig Roberts, that the antebellum slave's lot was far better than that of a modern white millionaire, as the slave was not subject to taxation.

1852: The publication of a novel entitled Uncle Tom's Cabin, which portrayed the ill-treatment of black slaves, inflames passions in the North against the institution of slavery. It is often overlooked, however, that Uncle Tom's Cabin was a work of fiction, and that in fact there was no such persons as Uncle Tom or Simon LeGree, and slaves were never mistreated.

1861: President Abraham Lincoln, having been temporarily driven insane by a gunshot wound to the head, defies the national sovereignty of the South in a misguided attempt to force them to end the slave trade. This single misstep is a black mark on the otherwise spotless record of Lincoln, one of America's greatest Republican presidents.

1865: Through a combination of treachery by freed black slaves, treason by the liberal press, and spineless-America-hating communists, the South fails to win the Civil War. For the unforgivable crime of attempting to defend capitalism, the noble south is sentenced to punitive reparations and made to endure incompetent black legislators, who, unlike white politicians, are corrupt, self-serving, and care only about their own constituencies.

1877: With the withdrawal of the last Union troops from the South, blacks are well and truly freed everywhere in America, leaving them with no real problems and nothing to complain about. However, with the repeal of slavery, they have become accustomed to the whining and ingratitude so common in the idle, and begin to agitate against largely imaginary oppression.

c. 1890s: Social scientist James Crow determines that blacks have been very, very bad at voting, and should not be allowed to do so again until they learn to get it right. In order to prevent arrogant, defensive blacks, who have not yet learned the valuable lesson that voting is not a right but a privilege, from forcing their way into polling stations, a volunteer policing organization known as the Ku Klux Klan is formed to encourage patriotism, enforce poll taxes, and check Negro Registration Cards.

c. 1910s: As millions of blacks flee the South for the North, where racism is much worse, they develop the art forms known as "jazz" and "the blues" – the first steps in a decades-long program to debase and corrupt Western culture that continues to this day.

1917-1918: White Americans fight a major war to help bring democracy, peace and freedom to all the people of the world. Blacks are not involved, choosing instead to stay behind and invent heroin and cocaine and bootlegging. Over the next decade, they will make millions off of the temporarily illegal alcohol trade, which they blame on Italians.

c. 1930s: While millions of whites must suffer through poverty and deprivation, the blacks of America enjoy unprecedented joy and celebration as part of the so-called "Harlem Renaissance".

1941-1945: Blacks are rendered temporarily useful to America, taking time from their pimping and inner-city drug dens to help fight the Second World War. White America is too busy to notice, as they have been temporarily distracted by the unparalleled evils of the rat-like Japanese.

1946: The "politically correct" legacy of FDR and Truman bears bitter fruit, as the valuable law enforcement tool of lynching is removed from police and private arsenals. Under the liberal 'New World Order', lynching is no longer a tool to discourage scrounging, uppitiness, and the wandering eye; instead, it is placed in the same category as murder.

1948: Jackie Robinson becomes the first black man good enough to play Major League Baseball.

c. 1950s: Everything is fine for blacks in America.

1964: Having arranged to assassinate President John F. Kennedy using Cuban communist snipers, blacks use the sympathy garnered from his death to ram through the so-called "Civil Rights Act", which grants them a slate of special privileges, including free college educations at the expense of more qualified whites; the ability to commit all sorts of crimes and not be criticized; and the right to wear baggy trousers and oversized t-shirts while butchering the English language.

1963-1968: Despite all of their problems having been solved by passage of the Civil Rights Act, which even lets them vote and everything, a number of 'black activists', such as Martin Luther King, Malcolm X, and Medgar Evers, continue to agitate their fellow Negroes in order to personally enrich themselves. Fortunately, all of them die in unrelated accidents over a period of five years.

1979: "Rapper's Delight" is released on Sugar Hill Records, marking the end of Western civilization.

1992: Frustrated at the ability of the Los Angeles Police Department to catch them committing crimes and deservedly punish them, blacks riot throughout the city, causing millions of dollars in damage, dozens of deaths, and most tragically of all, the release of many rap singles.

2008: The poisonous influence of blacks in America, who have fought for over 400 years to despoil and ruin the country that has been so good to them after freeing them from the oppression and poverty of tribal Africa, comes to a deadly conclusion as a cabal of sinister mulattoes conspires to cause the nomination for president one Barack Hussein Obama, a partial Negro and secret Muslim who combines the worst qualities of the snobbish liberal white and the arrogant criminal black.

2009: THE END . . . ?

Comments

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tx_cronopio
Jun. 11th, 2008 10:04 pm (UTC)
You know I love you but I would love you more with LJ cuts :)
ludickid
Jun. 12th, 2008 12:00 am (UTC)
Curt Clangbury counters: "Greetings, fellow Texan! I can understand how, as a woman, you are fragile and timid. Therefore, I shall be be conscientious in the future to place my words of wisdom regarding the wicked truth about coloreds, sodomites, and secular humanist communists under a cut tag, so as to not give you the floating vapors."
oilyrags
Jun. 11th, 2008 11:43 pm (UTC)
"LARGELY imaginary oppression"? I call you APPEASER, sir! Appeaser and darkie-lover besides!
ludickid
Jun. 11th, 2008 11:57 pm (UTC)
Curt Clangbury counters: "Greetings, fellow Texan! As much as I'd like to say that all of the grievances of the black race are as fanciful as their ability to score well in standardized testing, I must admit that yes, there has been some oppression of blacks in America. For instance, they have for many decades been under the cruel thumb of Democratic politicians, who, in exchange for votes, promise them non-existent 'help' rather than encouraging them to get second jobs. And they are also easy prey for so-called 'black leaders', who claim to be looking after their interests but just use their donations of pennies and lottery tickets to purchase white prostitutes. So yes, there has been non-imaginary oppression of blacks -- by other blacks and by white liberals."
anne_jumps
Jun. 12th, 2008 01:38 am (UTC)
Oh my God. I love you.
hipsterdetritus
Jun. 12th, 2008 03:51 am (UTC)
I am severely disappointed at your overlooking of that horrific period known as the 1970s, during which people of Negroid extraction were responsible for the following:

-the establishment of something known as a "soul train", which sources have told me is some kind of rail-based deportation plan to send all white people to internment camps
-the song "Love to Love You Baby," which not only set Americans on a path to dancing (dancing!) in venues previously associated with homosexuality, but also explicitly implied that repeatedly having orgasms had some sort of entertainment value
-conspiring with the Communist party and known gamblers to establish a powerful Soviet-American allegiance known as the Big Red Machine (see: Foster, George; Morgan, Joe)
-infiltrating the homes of upper-class whites via adoption
rjwhite
Jun. 12th, 2008 01:33 pm (UTC)
Hey- I wonder if this guy's column is syndicated in any of the city's papers...
( 7 SHOTS LICKED — LICK A SHOT )

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ludickid
Gun-totin', Chronic-smokin' Hearse Initiator
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Leonard Pierce is a freelance writer wandering around Texas with no sleep or sense of direction. If you give him money he will write something for you. If you are nice to him he may come to your house and get drunk.

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