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Whyte Rappaz R. N. Dainja

THE CASE FOR: The Beastie Boys.
THE CASE AGAINST: 2 Live Jews.

THE CASE FOR: 3rd Bass.
THE CASE AGAINST: Marky Mark & the Funky Bunch.

THE CASE FOR: MC Paul Barman.
THE CASE AGAINST: Mickey Avalon.

THE CASE FOR: Aesop Rock.
THE CASE AGAINST: Vanilla Ice.

THE CASE FOR: Eminem.
THE CASE AGAINST: Brother Ali.

THE CASE FOR: El-P.
THE CASE AGAINST: Bubba Sparxxx.

THE CASE FOR: MC Chris.
THE CASE AGAINST: David "Li'l' D" Faustino.

THE CASE FOR: MC 900 Foot Jesus.
THE CASE AGAINST: John Cena.

THE CASE FOR: DJ Shadow.
THE CASE AGAINST: Brian Austin Green.

THE CASE FOR: Cut Chemist.
THE CASE AGAINST: Everlast.

THE CASE FOR: Rob Sonic.
THE CASE AGAINST: Abdominal.

THE CASE FOR: R.A. the Rugged Man.
THE CASE FOR: Kid Rock.

THE CASE FOR: Cage.
THE CASE AGAINST: Sage Francis.

THE CASE FOR: Brassy.
THE CASE AGAINST: Peaches.

PUSH: Necro, Scott Storch, Paul Wall.

FURTHER SUBMITTED INTO EVIDENCE: Insane Clown Posse, Jaime Kennedy, Blood of Abraham, Princess Superstar, Vinnie Paz.

VERDICT: Guilty, guilty, guilty.

Comments

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perich
Jun. 17th, 2008 04:44 pm (UTC)
THE CASE AGAINST: Brother Ali.

Really? Damn. Rhymesayers been repping him for a minute and I was hoping to check him out. He's no good?
ludickid
Jun. 17th, 2008 04:48 pm (UTC)
Well, I'll admit I'm in the minority, not liking him -- most critics went gaga for him. But I wasn't feelin' it.
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apostatic_cling
Jun. 17th, 2008 04:45 pm (UTC)
MC 900 Foot Jesus and MC Chris are cases for?

I mean I've met MC Chris and he's a pretty funny guy, but...
ludickid
Jun. 17th, 2008 04:48 pm (UTC)
Well, I mean, it's not like they'd shine on a list of black rappers. Hence, of course, the problem.
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picodulce
Jun. 17th, 2008 04:51 pm (UTC)
RA the Rugged Man is WHITE? And who the hell is Mickey Avalon?
ludickid
Jun. 17th, 2008 04:55 pm (UTC)
You didn't know the Rugged Man was white? Not only is he white, he's straight-up busted:



(The one with the cigar? That ain't him.)

Mickey Avalon is some hipster rapper from LA, sort of a wack hip-hop version of Andrew W.K. I saw him open for Rakim and Ghostface at SxSW last year, and he was awful.
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lester22
Jun. 17th, 2008 04:58 pm (UTC)
I had no idea Cut Chemist was white. He redeems pretty much every other shitty white rapper on this list.

Also, for The Case Against, I submit Lordz (of Brooklyn, or L.O.B., or whatever they go by). I saw those dudes on Letterman or Leno last night - with Everlast, actually - and they straight-up sucked ass.

Also also, there's a rapper who goes by "Vinnie Paz"? Is he from Rhode Island? That is frickin' awesome.
ludickid
Jun. 17th, 2008 05:01 pm (UTC)
Vinnie Paz is from Philadelphia, but he did name himself after the Rhode Island boxer Vinny Paz. He's also one of the ugliest men alive. He's in Jedi Mind Tricks and has worked with Ill Bill, who I think should probably go on the "push" list with his brother Necro.
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hipsterdetritus
Jun. 17th, 2008 05:10 pm (UTC)
Dude, Bubba Sparxxx is pretty good, or at least was at some point earlier this decade (though I kinda jumped off the train circa "Ms. New Booty"). "Claremont Lounge" and the parts of Deliverance that downplay the bluegrass/hick stuff are quality, and even that yee-haw business has its own weird charm, what with it attempting to portray a fully integrated version of redneckism.

Also bonus points for leaving Slug off the list, since he's like the Folks from Trick Baby of indie rap.
ludickid
Jun. 17th, 2008 06:37 pm (UTC)
Slug white like Obama white, anyways.
handful_ofdust
Jun. 17th, 2008 05:11 pm (UTC)
So the original House of Pain doesn't even make the "white boy can and/or can't rap" cut anymore, hmmm? (Though grantedly, they did feature Everlast, and all.;))

Plus: Tairrie B. may indeed be a chick first and foremost (and have not recorded anything remotely like rap for years), but she is still white, and she did rhyme hard.
ludickid
Jun. 17th, 2008 06:41 pm (UTC)
If I give you Tairrie B., that immediately gets canceled out by Lucy Diamonds.
easyalchemy
Jun. 17th, 2008 05:22 pm (UTC)
Aww, don't go picking on Everlast. I know he's not someone I can properly defend, but I have affection for him for some reason.
theweaselking
Jun. 17th, 2008 05:31 pm (UTC)
You know, the only time I've ever even *heard* of "Abdominal" before now was in the greatest rap video ever made, Format's "3 feet deep"

This is not because it was an especially good video, although it was fun. It is because rap videos almost universally suck.
(Anonymous)
Jun. 17th, 2008 05:38 pm (UTC)
Haha, I was about to be all, "What?? Aesop Rock is white?" and then I remembered that I saw him in concert and had that revelation THEN. And then forgot all about it, I guess.
littlewashu
Jun. 17th, 2008 05:39 pm (UTC)
Haha, I was about to be all, "What?? Aesop Rock is white?" and then I remembered that I saw him in concert and had that revelation THEN. And then forgot all about it, I guess.
littlewashu
Jun. 17th, 2008 05:39 pm (UTC)
Um, you can erase the anonymous version of this comment. And this one too.
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oilyrags
Jun. 17th, 2008 05:57 pm (UTC)
I prefer Everlast to Eminem (who I think REALLY sucks) but I know I'm way in the minority on that.
hipsterdetritus
Jun. 17th, 2008 06:09 pm (UTC)
I had this brief window of Eminem appreciation (2002-2004ish) until my brother's big gripe against his albums made something clear to me: the dude is a total goofball one track and then all super-serious and angsty the next, and neither of those sides of his persona seem all that compatible. It's a total cognitive dissonance thing; at least Ludacris had the good sense to stick all his bummer-ass downer tracks on the same album.
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destro_simpson
Jun. 17th, 2008 06:01 pm (UTC)
Wow! I didn't expect to see Brassy Vs. Peaches on the list, but I wholeheartedly agree. Good work, sir!
secondperiod
Jun. 17th, 2008 06:26 pm (UTC)
AGAINST AGAINST AGAINST:

The Macho Man Randy Savage.

Ooooooooooh, yeah.
ludickid
Jun. 17th, 2008 06:48 pm (UTC)
Yeah, but he wins a lifetime achievement award for awesomeness in rassling, so it balances out.
sashash
Jun. 17th, 2008 06:30 pm (UTC)
you leave Sage out of this. that's my boy. i mean it; i slammed against him in 2000 in Providence. his lyrics might be trite sometimes, but that man's got balls like tractors.
fiberpunk
Jun. 17th, 2008 06:41 pm (UTC)
Case for: Mr. Eon.

Bring all your dogs; I'll give em rabies
They never had a chance, like my two aborted babies
Got Pope John Paul the second praying to Satan
Have your vegan girlfriend cooking up bacon
On barbituates, with that shit that you hit
Smoke my spliffs with ya, cause spinal bifida

Case closed.

(Also, the case for Princess Superstar is that Prince Paul thought the case for Princess Superstar was strong enough to agree to produce her album. Stare decisis.)
fiberpunk
Jun. 17th, 2008 06:43 pm (UTC)
Also: Edan.
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