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So I got one of those "OMG FORWARD THIS TO EVERYONE SO THEY CAN BE AS MISGUIDEDLY OUTRAGED AS I AM" e-mails at work today. The first photo is of what appears to be a Texas Department of Transportation truck. The caption:

This is NOT a Texas DOT vehicle stopped by an alert DPS Trooper on I-10 between San Antonio and Seguin, TX

Gasp! Forging a fake TxDOT truck! Who could be behind such a dastardly crime? Next, a photo of the driver in cuffs, who appears to be some sort of darkie:

The Mexicans? Cloned a Texas DOT truck and got busted smuggling drugs…I wonder how long they got away with it before they got busted?

Actually, according to news stories, the truck was discovered more or less by accident, not by a state trooper, but by other TxDOT employees. And nowhere does it say the marijuana smuggler was Mexican; he could have been American. But that doesn't change the central message, which is that Mexicans are bad. Next, a photo of the back of the truck, in which bundles of weed have been concealed:

Let's give them more welfare money, more of our Social Security money, and raise your taxes to fund their free-ride…?!

1. Mexicans are not eligible for Social Security benefits, since they are not citizens of the U.S.

2. Illegal aliens from Mexico living in the U.S. pay into the Social Security system, but do not get anything out of it.

3. It is unlikely such an ambitious drug smuggling scheme could be funded solely by welfare benefits, especially in Texas, which has a notoriously poor welfare system.

4. It is difficult to understand how raising my taxes would benefit drug smugglers.

5. It is equally difficult to understand how pouring lots of money into an elaborate drug-smuggling scheme constitutes a free ride. These guys may be doing something illegal, but they're clearly not just watching "The Price is Right" all day.

Next up, a photo of huge stacks of currency:

Pictures taken after a raid on a drug dealer's house in Mexico. Are you ready for this????? Aren't we glad that we have an open border policy between us? Just look at how well it's paying off,,,,,,,

First, we don't have an open border policy between us. Open borders, such as those within the U.S. and the E.U., allow unrestricted migration and trade. Migration and trade between the U.S. and Mexico is heavily regulated. Second, it's paying off even better for big corporations than it is for drug dealers. Just ask anyone who owns a maquila. If you were to stack up Toyota's corporate profits for a year in the form of $100 bills, it would look pretty impressive too.

Another shot of money stacked up in a closet:

I think allowing Mexican truckers in the U.S. is a great idea!!! Just take a look at the millions of reasons why…….

Mexican truckers? Mexican truckers are in the U.S. for the same reason that Mexican farm workers are: because the unions have been systematically killed off since the early 1980s, and most American citizens can no longer make a living with the low wages now paid to non-union truckers. Businesses hire Mexican truckers by the, well, truckload, because they work cheap, they skirt regulations, and they don't get any benefits. They're also less likely to complain about bad working conditions. Even with all that, only a tiny fraction of them have anything to do with drug smuggling.

Another shot of money:

SEE HOW WELL THESE TRUCKERS ARE DOING? WHAT THE @#@%*@ ARE WE THINKING???

Yeah, if there's a group of people who are just rolling in dough, it's illegal Mexican truck drivers.

Notice that nearly 100% of this money is U.S. currency!!!

Gosh, why would that be? Maybe because all the people buying and using the drugs are Americans?

Do you now wonder why the cost of living has catapulted in our country??? I don't.

I do, because it has absolutely nothing to do with the money made by Mexican drug dealers.

Some of the illegal aliens we're letting in can afford anything at any cost!!! And for the ones who cannot,,,,,,, we'll give it to them anyway!!!

So, the percentage of illegal aliens from Mexico who can have anything they want regardless of the cost is 100%. They hide it well, that's all I can say.

AND WE HAVE TWO BORDER PATROL AGENTS IN PRISON FOR SHOOTING AND WOUNDING A WELL DOCUMENTED MEXICAN DRUG DEALER WHO, BY THE WAY, WAS ARMED AND ALSO HAPPENS TO BE A ?CONVICTED?(BY MEXICO)?MURDERER.

Boy, that's a great story. Except for one or two minor details. For example, the Border Patrol agents shot him in the back while he was running away. They then covered up the details of what they did, and then filed a false report about it, and lied about it under oath. Oh, and they planted drugs in his vehicle that weren't his. Plus the thing about how he was armed? Not so much true as untrue, or, put another way, a lie. I can't find any evidence that anyone anywhere ever convicted the guy of murder, but maybe that’s what the question marks are for.

Then, a photo of a pile of money with a bunch of guns on top of it:

MAKES A LOT OF SENSE, DOESN'T IT??? AUTOMATICS, SILENCERS,,,,,,, THEY'RE ALL HAVING A NICE LAUGH ABOUT THIS STUFF AT OUR EXPENSE!!!

"Ha ha ha!", they say. "Foolish Americans. They have no idea how much we enjoy the fact that, since our profession involves the manufacture, smuggling, distribution, and sale of an unregulated, highly illegal product, we are at constant risk of violent death!"

And our Government wants to give ILLEGAL ALIENS amnesty and not build the border fence because of funding!?!?!?!?!? SEND THIS TO EVERYONE, INCLUDING YOUR LOCAL CONGRESS REPRESENTATIVE.. Our country is bleeding from the outside in!!!

How does one bleed from the outside in, exactly?

Don't you think it's time we take back what WE (NOT the Government) have sacrificed for over 140 years for??? I do.

The 140 years figure is a curious one. Why not 200 years? Was there suddenly a massive ban on immigration in 1869? If the reference is to the Civil War, I don't see what the relevance is to Mexicans, drug dealers or immigration; if the reference is to the Alamo, that was over 170 years ago, and we lost. And either way, both situations were the responsibility of the government, which controls the military.

Build the fence higher and deeper!!!

Wait, is there a fence or isn't there? I thought the problem was that our Government didn't want to build the fence because of funding. Now you're telling me the fence is just not tall enough. And why do we need it to be deeper? To keep out the Mole People?

Tighten border control, and send?EVERy illegal alien home!!!

But don't raise my taxes!

Comments

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deanarae
Jun. 19th, 2008 03:44 pm (UTC)
Did you send your response back to the person who sent you that crap? I hope so!

I wish I were clever enough to craft such a response to the idiotic Robin Williams thing about how to fix the country that people keep sending me.
ludickid
Jun. 19th, 2008 03:48 pm (UTC)
The whaaaa?
deanarae
Jun. 19th, 2008 04:13 pm (UTC)
http://www.snopes.com/politics/soapbox/williams.asp

Thanks to perich I have been set straight on the Robin Williams attribution. However, I still encourage you to create a comeback I can send to the morons family members and coworkers who send it to me.
ludickid
Jun. 19th, 2008 05:07 pm (UTC)
Here you go...
Leave it to Robin Williams to come up with the perfect plan . . .

Yeah, because he's so good at comedy.

Robin Williams' plan...(Hard to argue with this logic!)

I'll be the judge of that, you pricks.

I see a lot of people yelling for peace but I have not heard of one plan for peace.

Really? Because, I mean, there are dozens of them. Hundreds.

"Books, not Bombs" won't work. The head mullahs won't let anyone read them. If they do, they poke their eyes out.

The head mullahs? In Iraq? Have I missed out on some eye-poking epidemic in Baghdad?

1) The US will apologize to the world for our "interference" in their affairs, past &present. You know, Hitler, Mussolini and the rest of them 'good old boys'. We will never "interfere" again.

See, the difference between what we did in WWII and what we did in Iraq is the difference between what we did in WWII and what Hitler did in WWII. Most people consider "helping fight off an invader" and "actually being the invader" two easily distinguishable notions.

2) We will withdraw our troops from all over the world, starting with Germany, South Korea and the Philippines. They don't want us there. We would station troops at our borders. No more sneaking through holes in the fence.

Uh…okay!

3) All illegal aliens have 90 days to get their affairs together and leave. We'll give them a free trip home. After 90 days the remainder will be gathered up and deported immediately, regardless of who or where they are. France would welcome them.

Ha ha! France are pussies. In other news, I see a lot of people yelling for deporting all illegal aliens, but I have not heard of one plan for covering the costs of doing this or replacing the labor they contribute.

4) All future visitors will be thoroughly checked and limited to 90 days unless given a special permit. No one from a terrorist nation would be allowed in. If you don't like it there, change it yourself, don't hide here. Asylum would not ever be available to anyone. We don't need any more cab drivers.

If only the Indians had made such a rule.

5) No "students" over age 21. The older ones are the bombers. If they don't attend classes, they get a "D" and it's back home baby.

That's more generous than most teachers, who would give people an F or an Incomplete for not attending classes. I venture a guess, though, that banning students over the age of 21 might be a bit of a problem, seeing as it would eliminate the entire educational system for, say, doctors, lawyers, and anyone who wants to get something more than a Bachelor's degree.

6) The US will make a strong effort to become self sufficient energy wise. This will include developing non-polluting sources of energy but will require a temporary drilling of oil in the Alaskan wilderness. The caribou will have to cope for a while.

And if they can't, fuck 'em! They can't even vote.

7) Offer Saudi Arabia and other oil producing countries $10 a barrel for their oil. If they don't like it, we go someplace else.

HA HA HA HA you are a moron. This is so ignorant of the entire concept of economics I don't even know why anyone bothers to read any further.

8) If there is a famine or other natural catastrophe in the world, we will not "interfere". They can pray to Allah or whomever, for seeds, rain, cement or whatever they need. Besides most of what we give them is stolen or given to the army. The people who need it most get very little, if any anyway.

Awesomely humanitarian. Also, the U.S. is already a pretty parsimonious giver, in terms of percentages.

9) Ship the UN Headquarters to an island some place. We don't need the spies and fair weather friends here. Besides, it would make a good homeless shelter or lockup for illegal aliens.

UN Headquarters is already on an island some place. It's called "Manhattan".

10) All Americans must go to charm and beauty school. That way, no one can call us "Ugly Americans" any longer.

I…wh…um, okay!
perich
Jun. 19th, 2008 03:51 pm (UTC)
It's not actually written by Robin Williams.
calamityjon
Jun. 19th, 2008 03:53 pm (UTC)
But he personally mailed it to me, right?
deanarae
Jun. 19th, 2008 04:09 pm (UTC)
That's good. I always kind of thought he was smarter than that.
rjwhite
Jun. 19th, 2008 04:19 pm (UTC)
How can you tell? Is it funny?
calamityjon
Jun. 19th, 2008 04:41 pm (UTC)
AW COME ON MAN, THAT WAS AN EASY SHOT.
rjwhite
Jun. 19th, 2008 04:44 pm (UTC)
I know, I know- it was that, or something about him being credited with something he stole.
perich
Jun. 19th, 2008 04:51 pm (UTC)
COLLLLLLLD-blooodedd!
anne_jumps
Jun. 19th, 2008 04:28 pm (UTC)
Did you send your response back to the person who sent you that crap? I hope so!

I hope so too.
artemisgoddess
Jun. 19th, 2008 03:56 pm (UTC)
You're a genius. And great. I sent this to my family (crediting you, naturally) to piss them off and amuse the others. :D
tx_cronopio
Jun. 19th, 2008 04:11 pm (UTC)
I love you.
drownedinink
Jun. 19th, 2008 04:36 pm (UTC)
I have a bet with myself over whether or not I'll get that forward from my uncle within the next two days.

90 percent of his political forwards are either things about how all Mexican migrants are serial killers and drug dealers who somehow have unlimited access to YOUR TAX MONEY, or about the anti-Christian conspiracy, which so far has manifested itself through various nefarious deeds from getting "Touched By An Angel" canceled to removing a reference to God in a plaque bearing a speech FDR made during World War II.
tritium
Jun. 19th, 2008 04:37 pm (UTC)
Do you now wonder why the cost of living has catapulted in our country??? I don't.

Well, this email explains it -- the cost of living has catapulted because drugs are so expensive.
kudaspeaks
Jun. 19th, 2008 07:52 pm (UTC)
Wouldn't catapulting create an arc? So cost of living will come right back down again shortly?

Wait, I need several more question marks to compete with our narrator.

???????
ortho_bob
Jun. 19th, 2008 04:39 pm (UTC)
But if they keep the drug smugglers out (or in), rural south Texas wouldn't be able to afford to hire sheriff departments which in some counties are pretty much funded by drug money forfeiture (and the forfeiture of any money found in random Hispanic's cars on U.S. 281).
slammerkinbabe
Jun. 19th, 2008 05:26 pm (UTC)
I'm with everyone else who is really really hoping you sent that back to the person who forwarded it to you. Probably wouldn't hurt to reply-all either. Unless it would get you physically hurt.
aberranteyes
Jun. 19th, 2008 07:18 pm (UTC)
Add mine to the voices insisting that you send your fisking back to the yipyop who shat the original post into your inbox.
flying_blind
Jun. 19th, 2008 11:05 pm (UTC)
You have to admit that our government does waste a lot of money, though.

For example, any money the government spent to provide an education for the guy who wrote that letter was obviously wasted.
culturalvacuum
Jun. 20th, 2008 12:25 am (UTC)
My Theory
The reference to 140 years is because this trash anti-Mexican email was retro-fitted from a previously existing (and roughly three-year-old) racist email that was primarily targeted at blacks. That would also make the welfare references make a bit more "sense" (for some odd value of "sense" anyway).

Well Fisked, but the mere existence of the message depresses me slightly. Every time I stumble onto another example of this kind of know-nothing vitriolic hearsay online I wonder whether this whole "letting everybody speak their mind all the time" aspect of the Internet is really a good thing.
theweaselking
Jun. 20th, 2008 07:21 pm (UTC)
The 140 years figure is a curious one.

Not really. It's a reference to the end of the civil war - specifically, the "we" in this case are "white people", who, since the end of the civil war, have been forced to give up their hard-earned stuff in favour of those lazy negroes. If slavery were still legal, they'd never have had any of these problems, and the lazy mexicans wouldn't be causing more.

Is it so hard to believe that a racist screed wouldn't be pro-Confederate and racist is less-explicit ways?
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Leonard Pierce is a freelance writer wandering around Texas with no sleep or sense of direction. If you give him money he will write something for you. If you are nice to him he may come to your house and get drunk.

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