Gun-totin', Chronic-smokin' Hearse Initiator (ludickid) wrote,
Gun-totin', Chronic-smokin' Hearse Initiator

Please Forward This Questionnaire

Q: What is to be done with Woody Allen?

A: This person should be run over with a car.

Q: There is an internet meme going around which suggests that people do not read enough good books. The receiver of this meme is then requested to make typographical alterations to a list of books thought by someone or other to be desirable. One of those books is Mitch Albom's The Five People You Meet In Heaven. What the fuck?

A: What, indeed, the fuck. Mitch Albom should be shot in the forehead with a sniper rifle.

Q: Did you know that only two of the four major U.S. television networks keeps a full-time reporter in Iraq, and only one keeps a full-time reporter in Afghanistan?

A: Yes, I did know that. I can only assume that the war is over, and that we won.

Q: Although it seems you have already been doing so for some two decades, can you offer up another aspect of Ayn Rand's character that you find laughable?

A: She sometimes cited Friedrich Nietzche as the philosopher who had had the most profound impact upon her, but it seems as if she barely understands his writings, if at all.

Q: "Pregnancy pact".

A: Seriously, the media, eat a giant stone dick.

Q: Pandering megapreacher James Dobson has lately taken presidential candidate Barack Obama to task for having correctly identified several passages from the Bible. What is to be done?

A: The world would be a better place if James Dobson were crushed to death by a fallen hunk of the international space station. This should happen in front of his children.

Q: Are you aware that many of your solutions to social problems involve brutal killings?

A: Yes, I am.

Q: But surely you don't think violence can solve everything?

A: Certainly not. Violence cannot solve the Adobe Illustrator problem I'm currently working on*, nor can it solve Fermat's Last Theorem, or the problem of how to make a diet soda without an unpleasant aftertaste. But it can solve any problem that stems from someone being an asshole.

Q: What is one of the crowning ironies in the history of unionism?

A: That peaceful methods succeeded where violence failed. After shooting, beating, burning and bombing innocent men, women and children to death to try and turn them away from solidarity, the bosses eventually realized that all they had to do was find people even more desperate and take the job to them -- or, failing that, bring them to the job. Steelworkers in India will work for a month what Americans fought to make in an hour; Mexican immigrants now flood our mines, extracting coal for minimum wage and then paying the bosses a "job tax" for the privilege of not being fired. When Florence Reese says "If they shoot me, they can't shoot the union out of me", she fails to anticipate that thirty years on, someone else will beg for those bullets.

Q: What about Don Imus?

A: That guy should be fed into a turbine engine. One that's going really slow.

*: Except in an extremely abstract and complex way -- for example, if I were to kidnap someone at gunpoint who was better at Illustrator than I am, and threaten him or his family with violence unless he completed this design project for me.

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