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And now, what made America great: Monday polls.

Poll #1219232 Patriotic Hangover Poll

America!

Fuck yeah
7(11.1%)
I want to live in
4(6.3%)
Everywhere around the world, they're coming to
11(17.5%)
loves the minstrel show
4(6.3%)
God shed His grace on thee
0(0.0%)
I spell it with three Ks
3(4.8%)
I'm proud to be from there, where at least I know I'm free
0(0.0%)
I wish its women would stay away from me
1(1.6%)
I really hate that "Horse with No Name" song
7(11.1%)
I can't believe it picked that jackass David Cook
3(4.8%)
home of the Whopper
9(14.3%)
I could be one of your kids
2(3.2%)
she's so cute on that "Ugly Betty" show
10(15.9%)
love it or leave it
0(0.0%)
as a non-American, your cultural references baffle me
2(3.2%)

Which of my five favorite things about America is your favorite?

unrestricted travel
4(6.2%)
the presumption of innocence
5(7.8%)
the Constitution, generally
6(9.4%)
the Bill of Rights, specifically
23(35.9%)
the fact that ours is a nation built not on an ethnos, or a geographical location, or a common language, or even a culture, but an idea
26(40.6%)

Nothing is more essential to the American character than:

the automobile
8(12.5%)
the firearm
4(6.2%)
the entertainment industry
10(15.6%)
the military/industrial complex
7(10.9%)
the systematic abuse of the Negro
2(3.1%)
the apple pie
1(1.6%)
the insistence that everyone else speak English
4(6.2%)
the unrestricted growth of capitalism
11(17.2%)
the word "dude"
13(20.3%)
other (see Comments)
4(6.2%)

Why am I so bad at chess?

You lack experience.
4(6.6%)
You are impatient and impulsive.
7(11.5%)
You do not think strategically.
4(6.6%)
You are stupid.
0(0.0%)
Wait, what does this have to do with the 4th of July?
18(29.5%)

Suggest an alternate national anthem for the United States of America.

Comments

( 8 SHOTS LICKED — LICK A SHOT )
handful_ofdust
Jul. 7th, 2008 04:00 pm (UTC)
So, in case you're wondering: Ridiculous as it may momentarily seem, my "other" would have to be the sheer chutzpah it took for a bunch of tea-dumping heretic/convict-spawn to decide that they would institute a form of government no country had attempted for the last two thousand years in a country which (at the time) barely was one. Yeah, they went with the Greek version (no chicks, no slaves, no non-land-owners allowed), and it devolved pretty quickly from one-man-one-vote to the same representative morass which got you in the trouble you're in today, but seriously: That took guts, you weirdos. Try not to forget you were once the most frightening nation on earth for GOOD reasons.
mckennl
Jul. 7th, 2008 10:16 pm (UTC)
>Try not to forget you were once the most frightening nation on earth for GOOD reasons.

Man, sometimes I wish I *could* forget, it might make our current status easier to take.
schtune
Jul. 7th, 2008 05:43 pm (UTC)
Re: Q#3: I always tell my students that it's the buffet. Indulgence in general is American, but this is a glut of unhealthy food, and not even the good-tasting kind, a focus on quantity over quality. I tell them that nothing is more American than feeling like you're getting your dollar's worth in food and walking away from a table feeling sick as a result.
lucifrix
Jul. 7th, 2008 06:13 pm (UTC)
For question 3, I keep veering between "infomercials" and "the fact that a majority of people still think Iraq was responsible for 9/11" as my 'other.' But now I think schtune has a very good point with "buffets."
bassman42
Jul. 7th, 2008 10:31 pm (UTC)
Nothing is more essential to the American conciousness in the 2000s, evidently, than the willingness to give up rights and freedoms for the illusion of safety offered by such fine programs as the Patriot Act. Wrap it in the flag and you can sell anything to the American public, from my view here in Canada. As an expat do I have any right to enter this fray? What the hell, my passport still says I'm a US citizen!
yuriverse
Jul. 7th, 2008 11:27 pm (UTC)
I forgot completely that 4 July was THE 4TH OF JULY and didn't even think about it until a stray reference on the internyet reminded me the next day.

This was probably my favourite 4 July ever.
flying_blind
Jul. 8th, 2008 12:25 am (UTC)
Our Anthem, Dude!
masterninja66
Jul. 8th, 2008 03:04 am (UTC)
Meaning no disrespect the schtune or bassman42, but it's the automobile. Nowhere else in the world is defined so completely by its cars. Europe wants to be, but there's a rail system there. Here, a midlife crisis involves finally getting that toupee and a mistress, because vehicle taxes are just too high to afford a convertible. In the US? Mandated by law.
( 8 SHOTS LICKED — LICK A SHOT )

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Leonard Pierce is a freelance writer wandering around Texas with no sleep or sense of direction. If you give him money he will write something for you. If you are nice to him he may come to your house and get drunk.

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