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And now, what made America great: Monday polls.

Poll #1219232 Patriotic Hangover Poll

America!

Fuck yeah
7(11.1%)
I want to live in
4(6.3%)
Everywhere around the world, they're coming to
11(17.5%)
loves the minstrel show
4(6.3%)
God shed His grace on thee
0(0.0%)
I spell it with three Ks
3(4.8%)
I'm proud to be from there, where at least I know I'm free
0(0.0%)
I wish its women would stay away from me
1(1.6%)
I really hate that "Horse with No Name" song
7(11.1%)
I can't believe it picked that jackass David Cook
3(4.8%)
home of the Whopper
9(14.3%)
I could be one of your kids
2(3.2%)
she's so cute on that "Ugly Betty" show
10(15.9%)
love it or leave it
0(0.0%)
as a non-American, your cultural references baffle me
2(3.2%)

Which of my five favorite things about America is your favorite?

unrestricted travel
4(6.2%)
the presumption of innocence
5(7.8%)
the Constitution, generally
6(9.4%)
the Bill of Rights, specifically
23(35.9%)
the fact that ours is a nation built not on an ethnos, or a geographical location, or a common language, or even a culture, but an idea
26(40.6%)

Nothing is more essential to the American character than:

the automobile
8(12.5%)
the firearm
4(6.2%)
the entertainment industry
10(15.6%)
the military/industrial complex
7(10.9%)
the systematic abuse of the Negro
2(3.1%)
the apple pie
1(1.6%)
the insistence that everyone else speak English
4(6.2%)
the unrestricted growth of capitalism
11(17.2%)
the word "dude"
13(20.3%)
other (see Comments)
4(6.2%)

Why am I so bad at chess?

You lack experience.
4(6.6%)
You are impatient and impulsive.
7(11.5%)
You do not think strategically.
4(6.6%)
You are stupid.
0(0.0%)
Wait, what does this have to do with the 4th of July?
18(29.5%)

Suggest an alternate national anthem for the United States of America.

Comments

bassman42
Jul. 7th, 2008 10:31 pm (UTC)
Nothing is more essential to the American conciousness in the 2000s, evidently, than the willingness to give up rights and freedoms for the illusion of safety offered by such fine programs as the Patriot Act. Wrap it in the flag and you can sell anything to the American public, from my view here in Canada. As an expat do I have any right to enter this fray? What the hell, my passport still says I'm a US citizen!

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Leonard Pierce is a freelance writer wandering around Texas with no sleep or sense of direction. If you give him money he will write something for you. If you are nice to him he may come to your house and get drunk.

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