* Congratulations on the reduced sentence!
* Congratulations! I heard the DNA test said it's not your kid!
* Hey, congratulations on your wife dying, man. I know you didn't really love her anymore.
* Congratulations on the successful bankruptcy filing!
* Aw, congratulations, honey! Today, you're a woman!
* Wow, your son got a posthumous Congressional Medal of Honor! Congratulations!
* Congratulations, folks! You've been approved for that second mortgage!
* So it turns out it's just kidney disease, and not cancer? That's great! Congratulations!
* You just killed the last silverback gorilla in existence! Congratulations!
* Congratulations on nailing that 14-year-old.