Gun-totin', Chronic-smokin' Hearse Initiator (ludickid) wrote,
Gun-totin', Chronic-smokin' Hearse Initiator
ludickid

Behold, racist scum: I have made an INTERNET POST!

I had no idea until fengi hipped me to it that this was International Blog Against Racism Week, but I sure am glad to hear it! As you know, there is no more effective weapon against the poison of bigotry than making posts on your LiveJournal, I wanted to get in on this action as soon as possible. So here we go with my IBARW post:

TEN THINGS I HATE ABOUT YOU CAN DO ABOUT RACISM

1. Naturally, the easiest -- and most effective! -- way of combating racism is to make sure that everyone knows that you, yourself, are not a racist. Loudly proclaim your anti-racism at every opportunity, and make sure that at least once a week, you preface an opinion with "Now, I'm not racist, but..." or "I'm the last person in the world you could accuse of racism, but..." or "No one is more against racism than I am, but..."

2. Similarly, the only thing in the world worse than racism is being accused of racism. If someone ever accuses you of racism, you should noisily protest this, mentioning all the times you have spoken out in defense of the lesser races on the internet, and pointing out the racism of others. Only in this way can they be shown that they are the real racists, not you.

3. Racism, like beauty and age and other terrible things, is in the eye of the beholder. It's not up to ethnic minorities to determine whether or not something you said was offensive; after all, you said it, so who better to ascertain exactly what you meant than you? We well never get past the scourge of racism as long as we let minorities be the ultimate arbiters of what is offensive to minorities.

4. Who are the most racist people in the world? Black people! Chris Rock said it, so it must be true -- after all, he's black. Very few people are aware of the terrible harm done to our country by 'reverse racism', so if you are a white person, help fight racism by spreading the world about widespread discrimination against whites! Stop the madness! Also, no matter what your racial or ethnic background, you should always remind people that discrimination against your kind is "the only acceptable form of racism".

5. Never forget: your pain is special! If you are a racial minority, vociferously deny that gays, women, religious groups, or other minorities can possibly know what your experience has been like, or indeed to have experienced oppression at all, at least in comparison to you. (The reverse, of course, is also true. Whatever your minority status, make sure other allegedly oppressed persons know that you will receive no help or even theoretical support from you until they make a public admission that you have suffered most of all.)

6. Freedom from racism is not automatically granted; it is earned, and some people are simply not ready for freedom. If the majority of people in an oppressed group are behaving in a way that you consider unacceptable, or even a small but noticeable minority, you must insist that they clean up their act before you help them. (Examples: "Blacks/Palestinians/homosexuals are hurting themselves more than anyone with their baggy trousers/suicide bombings/flamboyant behavior. Until they police themselves and eliminate the threat of rap music/rock-throwing/oily thongs, there's nothing we can do to help them.") Likewise, if a religion advocates things that you consider immoral, it is acceptable to allow members of that religion to suffer discrimination, because they 'just don't get it'.

7. Insist on being pedantic when someone claims racism on behalf of something that is "not a race". Also, never let people get away with confusing "race" and "culture" -- point out, for example, that you merely dislike rap music, graffiti, Whitney Houston, fried chicken, and public transportation, which is about black culture, not black people. (A good way to diffuse this criticism is to point out that you like a wide range of rap music by white people.) On the other hand, any criticism of your culture is clearly veiled racism, unless it is specifically directed at you, at which point it becomes flagrant racism.

8. The best way to confront racism is with violence, or at the very least, hostility. Let other people blather on about volunteering, donating to worthy causes, voting, getting involved in local programs, or examining their own behavior to identify and eliminate internalized racism: tell stories about how you once totally beat up a neo-Nazi skinhead, or how you angrily confronted some Klansmen who were so shamed by your logical arguments that they slinked away sheepishly without even bothering to respond. And remember, acting like a tough guy is even more effective when you do it on the internet!

9. Negative stereotypes have had a poisonous effect on our racial discourse. Help leach out that poison with a healing flood of positive stereotypes. Take a minute in your busy day to praise a black person for being "naturally talented", or mention to some women how they're so much smarter and more organized than men, or ask an Asian to help you with a math problem. Who could possibly take offense to that? After all, you're praising them!

10. Finally, remember this: you are not part of the problem! You're part of the solution! You've already done the single most important thing you can do in the battle against racism by publicly declaring that you are not a racist. Don't waste time getting bogged down in go-nowhere arguments about your "sublimated" or "covert" racism -- you've already said you're not a racist! What more do they want? Feel free to focus your efforts on real problems, like slave traders, Nazi supercriminals, and politicians who 'play the race card'.

Happy IBARW, everyone!
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  • 24 comments

  • HONK

    If I was to wish someone a happy birthday today, would it be crepedelbebe? You're goddamn right it would.

  • I'm too stoned to give a full accounting

    I went to Austin this weekend. As you may know, my beloved first-generation iPod, Misty II, fatally deceased herself recently, and I got a new 80G…

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