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NOTE: This post contains absolutely nothing about politics. On the other hand, I'm really drunk.

I would like to register a complaint in re: my hair. At this point in my life, I should be bald, like other useless fat guys. Baldness would allow me to stop getting my hair cut, wear a smaller hat size, and have another excuse for being a loveless schlump. But instead, I am two weeks from my last haircut, and I look like The Wild Man Of An Island That People From Borneo Refer To As A Bad Neighborhood. It implies an animalistic vigor* that I do not even remotely possess, and makes me afraid that I will be beaten by very old John Birchers. In closing, I demand that God strike me bald, or destroy the world, or something. Whatever. I'll be taking a nap.

*: Some of you, I know, are already preparing to note that, in fact, baldness -- not hirsuteness -- is a sign of increased testosterone. To this, I can only respond that you have a good point, and shut up.

Comments

( 14 SHOTS LICKED — LICK A SHOT )
carbonunit
Oct. 8th, 2008 01:53 am (UTC)
As a useless fat guy who is going bald, I would like to register a complaint about your post. You are an ungrateful slob who doesn't deserve hair. Let me tell you that, except in the wildly unusual cases of medical baldness due to illness or treatment vis. chemotherapy, "bald" men are actually partially bald men who dilgently shave their heads on a regular basis. A far more taxing duty than haircuts. Also, if baldness is a sign of testosterone, whence these tits?
ludickid
Oct. 8th, 2008 02:06 am (UTC)
Whence, in fucking deed.
thebitterguy
Oct. 8th, 2008 01:54 am (UTC)
As a fat bald guy, I must say, ha ha, Hairy McHairypants.
ludickid
Oct. 8th, 2008 02:06 am (UTC)
You smug bald bastards.
semibold
Oct. 8th, 2008 02:00 am (UTC)
Got a razor? You don't have to wait for God to do it.
ludickid
Oct. 8th, 2008 02:07 am (UTC)
Well, you see, though, I am very very lazy.
so_crates
Oct. 8th, 2008 02:02 am (UTC)
That testosterone thing is absolutely true, and it's a consolation to those of us who are bald.

Incidentally, I still need haircuts to keep myself from looking like Bozo the Clown, and my hat size hasn't changed. The only big difference is needing to wear a hat all year round so I don't get sunburned on my scalp.

I also can't get laid, but I'm pretty sure that has nothing to do with my hairline.
ludickid
Oct. 8th, 2008 02:08 am (UTC)
Your sad, sad story makes me feel even drunker than ever before.
so_crates
Oct. 8th, 2008 04:42 am (UTC)
So let me get this straight: you have a full head of hair, you don't get scalp sunburn, and you're drunk? While I'm bald and itchy and sober? And I'm supposed to feel sorry for you?
kudaspeaks
Oct. 8th, 2008 02:21 am (UTC)
You need to save that haircut money for some more skin ink:

http://www.hunterian.gla.ac.uk/collections/museum/cook/cdimages/07.jpg
ludickid
Oct. 8th, 2008 02:24 am (UTC)
That guy looks surprisingly like me!
thedogowner
Oct. 8th, 2008 03:19 am (UTC)
Please tell me that you got really drunk from drinking every time McCain said "my friend" during the debate.

On the other hand, if you just got drunk, you are a commendable citizen who, being so disgusted with the political BS, decided to just skip to the finish and get shitfaced without watching something that would give you more ulcer material.

RE: your hair -- have you tried a comb-over?
bassman42
Oct. 8th, 2008 03:43 am (UTC)
Trade ya!
vito_excalibur
Oct. 8th, 2008 04:49 am (UTC)
The only solution: ponytail!
( 14 SHOTS LICKED — LICK A SHOT )

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flavored with age
ludickid
Gun-totin', Chronic-smokin' Hearse Initiator
Ludic Log

PROPRIETOR

Leonard Pierce is a freelance writer wandering around Texas with no sleep or sense of direction. If you give him money he will write something for you. If you are nice to him he may come to your house and get drunk.

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