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Things are gonna change, I can feel it

Reaction to the latest debate has been pretty uniform and pretty boring: Obama won by just showing up and looking presidential, while McCain can’t seem to turn off the cranky-old-man anti-charm. There’s no polls that I’m aware of that have McCain winning either of the debates.

The kooks over at NRO and other right-wing crazy sites, though, they’re all offering their own unique interpretations to the event:

- John McCain totally won the debate.
- John McCain partially won the debate.
- John McCain won the debate, but the liberal media is covering it up.
- John McCain may or may not have won the debate, but Sarah Palin is the REAL candidate, and she totally won her debate, no matter what the polls said.
- John McCain lost the debate, but it’s not as bad as it seems, because polls show that among white males, he only lost by 2%! That’s practically a win.
- John McCain lost the debate because the debate format is rigged in favor of liberals.
- John McCain lost the debate because the audience was filled with Obama plants.
- John McCain would have won the debate if he’d only brought up how corrupt Democrats are and how Obama is friends with anti-American terrorists*.
- John McCain lost the debate because he is not conservative enough.

See? Politics is easy. All you have to do is dream.

*: Frankly, I’d LOVE to see them bring this one up; there’s no way that John “Keating Five” McCain, Sarah “Bridge to Nowhere” Palin and the party of Tom DeLay and Jack Abramoff are going to win an argument about corruption, and of the four people currently running for executive office, only one is married to a guy who belongs to a radical separatist movement.

Comments

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tx_cronopio
Oct. 8th, 2008 04:54 pm (UTC)
I dunno, it's pretty hilarious to read the comments over at freerepublic.com, they are all livid that McCain is not conservative enough. I don't think even La Palin is going to get a lot of them to go vote.
ludickid
Oct. 8th, 2008 06:40 pm (UTC)
They're going to register just as soon as they're done with the latest issue of Tentacle Rape Review.
drownedinink
Oct. 8th, 2008 06:08 pm (UTC)
How would you rig a debate to that extent anyway? Secretly switch McCain's caffeinated coffee with decaf?
ludickid
Oct. 8th, 2008 06:41 pm (UTC)
Backstage, Gwen Ifill is burning an incense that smells like gook babies, and it gets McCain all distracted so he can't remember how taxation works.
(Deleted comment)
drownedinink
Oct. 8th, 2008 06:22 pm (UTC)
In the comments of a liberal politico-blog I was reading, a conservative was making that argument. At one point he actually made a statement along the lines of "But there's nothing inherently anti-American to a secessionist movement!"

picodulce
Oct. 8th, 2008 06:27 pm (UTC)
in a sense, protest and dissent is American. but the conservatives would have one think otherwise (hence the narrative of "difference" that the PitBull is talking up). that's talking outta both sides of the turdhole.
ludickid
Oct. 8th, 2008 06:42 pm (UTC)
Yeah, I have no problem with violent overthrow of the government. But then again, I'm not a member of the law and order party that thinks Obama wants to blow up buildings because he once sat next to a guy who did so.
drownedinink
Oct. 8th, 2008 07:53 pm (UTC)
Very true.
kudaspeaks
Oct. 8th, 2008 06:33 pm (UTC)
My favorite was the part where McCain said it was easy to fix Medicare, all you had to do was get all the smartest people in America together and make them do it. P.S. Spiderman will help! I got a plan to get a plan, my friends!
picodulce
Oct. 8th, 2008 06:36 pm (UTC)
it'll be him, Lieberman, Tip O'Neill, and Cindy.
ludickid
Oct. 8th, 2008 06:43 pm (UTC)
As I said in my drunken stupor last night, I think he found it in the same drawer where Nixon kept his secret plan to end the war.
brandawg
Oct. 8th, 2008 06:52 pm (UTC)
That must be the drawer where he keeps the intelligence on the whereabouts of Osama Bin Laden.
lunchcat
Oct. 8th, 2008 07:12 pm (UTC)
His continual utterance of the words, "I know how to fix this. I can do it, my friends," was hilarious. So you've known how to do all these things but were saving them for...what?
bassman42
Oct. 8th, 2008 10:23 pm (UTC)
I watched part of the debate. It was laughable. McCain won like the US is winning the Iraqi war, in a way that would make most sane people believe he's losing it. The Conservatives and neocons will continue to pull for him, though, because they just can't believe that a black man....er, Liberal...can beat one of THEM.
feisty_robot
Oct. 9th, 2008 05:27 pm (UTC)
John McCain totally won the debate because his photon torpedoes could easy get through Obama's force fields. And even if Obama warped away at the last minute, McCain could still follow him through hyperspace or even launch some hunter-killer robodrones.

I'm still voting for Boba Fett, though.
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Leonard Pierce is a freelance writer wandering around Texas with no sleep or sense of direction. If you give him money he will write something for you. If you are nice to him he may come to your house and get drunk.

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