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Yes, it's that time where everybody -- or, really, just me and calamityjon -- look back at the previous year's Livejournal posts and take note of which ones, based on total comments, were the most popular with you, the inexplicable Skullbucket reader! I'm gonna pony up for a permanent account this week, so this could not be more stupid timely.


#3: “The People's Republic of Journalistan”. Comical speculation occurs over the subject of likely results of the Russian takeover of Livejournal.

#2: “This is What I've Been Reduced To”. Mid-Holiday hangover movie dialogue quiz.

#1: “Well, My Calendar Says It's 2007 A.D., But That's Clearly a Typo”. Many confused and/or confusing reactions are registered to the news that Mitt Romney has been accused of heresy.


#3: “Double, Double, Toil and Trouble”. The real estate bubble bursts, and I vent my impotent rage about the ‘great moderation’ scam. People who know more about economics than I do show up to scold me.

#2: “This Will Be the Best Vacation Ever”. I lay out my plans to visit the Conservative Political Action Committee. People express their desires for me to ratfuck various right-wing talking heads.

#1: “Leonard Pierce Presents Things That Leonard Pierce Thinks”. I set forth my opinions on a wide variety of topics, and Calamity Jon gets yelled at for not liking the Muppet Show.


#3: “Ask Not What You Can Do For Your Country, Or, The Audacity of Dope”. I wax rhapsodic about political speeches of days gone by, and experience curious feelings of tenderness towards Bill Buckley.

#2: “Careful With That Ax, Hill”. I criticize Hillary Clinton for borrowing from the G.O.P. playbook, and make what may be the only correct political prognostications I have ever made.

#1: “All Apologies”. Inspired by ‘The Ole Perfesser’ Glenn Reynolds’ criticism of Barack Obama, I urge people to apologize for crimes committed by members of their ethnic group.


#3: “More Great Strides in Middle Eastern Democracy”. I discuss Palestinian apartheid, cruelly mock the Free Tibet movement, and translate Godwin’s law into hardboiled.

#2: “La Réponse”. A foreign-language edition of the Question Game goes as expected.

#1: “Now Watch Him Blame It All on the Actors”. In the least surprising development of the year, I criticize Joss Whedon and people go apeshit.


#3: “If It’s Tuesday, This Must Be Another Completely Asinine LiveJournal Controversy”. I disapprove of the word ‘boobs’ and wish for everyone involved in the Open Source Boob Project to be run over by a garbage truck.

#2: “Take That Kangol Off”. People get all fluttery about a sex poll.

#1: “If You Know, You’ll Know. If You Don’t, You’ll Learn.”. I engage in my favorite LiveJournal guilty pleasure, the ‘iconversation’. Most commented-upon post of the year!

#3: “Presenting: What Will Be The Least Successful Monday Poll Ever!”. I completely underestimate your tolerance for Scriptural translation issues.

#2: “MONDAY IS POLL”. A poll involving lady rappers and video games brings out the geek in my readership.

#1: “Tom Waits…FOR NO MAN”. A poll about Tom Waits results in recriminations and bad feelings.


#3: “Sing It!”. I solicit feedback regarding peoples’ favorite little bits of spoken-word banter in pop songs.

#2: “Whyte Rappaz R.N. Dainja”. Opinions run feverish as I contemplate the ups and downs when white folks try to rock the mic.

#1: “Monday Poll: Man, Iraq War, You Suck”. My regular Monday poll is invaded by a right-wing troll; hilarity ensues.


#3: “I’m Suspicious”. I accuse my Friends List of conspiring to be adorable. They weasel out of it.

#2: “Dark Knight: It Had David Goyer All Over It”. Much debate over the biggest bat-movie of all time, including some from Calamity Jon, who hadn’t seen it.

#1: “I Have To Do This Every Year Or So Just to Get It Out of My System”. Nothin’ but a Coen Brothers quote thread, baby.


#3: “Things White People Give Birth To”. Remember Sarah Palin? Here, the names of her children are made the subject of fun.

#2: “Five!”. My attempt to rank the films of Woody Allen touches of much argumentation.

#1: “I Woke Up This Morning With the Strangest Sensations”. It is my birthday and I immediately start acting like a cranky old coot.


#3: “EDWNRP Fridays!”. A proposed new feature called ‘Extremely Difficult with No Real Payoff Friday’ gets off to an inauspicious start.

#2: “Tootie-Ootie-Ootle”. My claim that the pop music of the 1940s sucks dog cock is inexplicably met with hostility.

#1: “I Really Want To Know!”. A poll reveals the position of my readership as regards my confrontation with some MADD ladies.


#3: “Please Remove Me From Your Mailing List”. My landlady sends me crazy crap over the internet.

#2: “Change…Like You Wouldn’t Believe”. The Pierce/Thurman “Team Awesome” ticket holds a press conference. It doesn’t go well.

#1: “Owes Nap!”. The dozens are played with hilarious results.


#3: “People Who Fetishize Guns Should Be Shot Dead with My .38-caliber Smith & Wesson 686”. I plan a trip to New York, and squeaky pedants pester me about firearms.

#2: “Wednesday Celebration Poll”. Variant attitudes towards the Thanksgiving holiday are noted.

#1: “In Case You Were Wondering How the Wingnuts Were Reacting to Our New Era…”. Project Leper begins as right-wing whining reaches a fever pitch.

LESSON LEARNED: When I do something fulfilling or exciting, like go to Paris or get a great new writing or speaking gig, you are all silent like crabs. But when I offer you a chance to violently disagree with me, or make fun of my fat mama, you jump like sharks. God bless us every one!


Dec. 3rd, 2008 07:34 pm (UTC)
Man, I'd forgotten about that Whedon post.
Dec. 3rd, 2008 11:45 pm (UTC)
I wish I had.
Dec. 3rd, 2008 08:10 pm (UTC)
Good times. Good memories. Americans have a lot of time on our hands, and too many working phone jacks.
Dec. 3rd, 2008 11:46 pm (UTC)
Pfff, PHONE JACKS? This Livejournal is totally wireless! What is this, 2005?
Dec. 3rd, 2008 08:43 pm (UTC)
But when I offer you a chance to violently disagree with me, or make fun of my fat mama, you jump like sharks

Not true!
Dec. 3rd, 2008 11:46 pm (UTC)
That's not what your fat mama told me.
Dec. 4th, 2008 01:01 am (UTC)
If you were making time with my fat mama then I just feel sorry for you.
Dec. 3rd, 2008 09:35 pm (UTC)
I look forward to more opportunities to violently disagree with you in the coming months. Hopefully, in time, we will leave petty arguments about who invaded what country, and how much like Hitler they may be, along they way side. Only then can we focus on truly important topics like, what color of lightsaber is truly canonical and exactly how legit does one have to be prior to quitting?
Dec. 3rd, 2008 11:47 pm (UTC)
The preferred term is "lightsaber of color".
Dec. 3rd, 2008 11:36 pm (UTC)
"When I do something fulfilling or exciting, like go to Paris or get a great new writing or speaking gig, you are all silent like crabs."

You want me to post "I hate you for your industry and intelligence?" Cause I can if you want me to.
Dec. 3rd, 2008 11:47 pm (UTC)
Dec. 3rd, 2008 11:54 pm (UTC)
You got it, chief.
Maaaaaaaaaaaaaaan, how come all the cool stuff happens to other people? You and your goddamn money and glamorous pasttimes. It shoulda been me, damnit, even if I haven't done anything to make it happen.
Dec. 4th, 2008 12:06 am (UTC)
I like reading things that are from before November and then looking at my TV and seeing Hopey up there using complete sentences. GOD BLESS US EVERY ONE INDEED!

Please note that you were wrong in February about anybody using "sacrifice" in a speech but correct that it would, if used, be followed by being called a commie.
Dec. 5th, 2008 04:07 am (UTC)
Man, how happy am I that my incredible nervousness over Obama losing was misplaced? VERY MUCH SO HAPPY.
Dec. 5th, 2008 04:44 am (UTC)
I KNOW! ME TOO. Plus The Wire is Obama's favorite TV show. It's like a dream.

Hey, your sneakers were invoked in my most recent post about the inauguration. What I'm saying is DC couldn't handle your sneakers, can it handle 24-hour bars?
Dec. 4th, 2008 01:30 am (UTC)
I think that you also learned that in May everyone likes polls.
Dec. 5th, 2008 04:06 am (UTC)
I thought about titling this "GATHER AROUND THE MAY POLL".
Dec. 5th, 2008 05:41 am (UTC)
See, I would have gone with MAY POLL SYRUP, but then yours makes a certain sense lacking in mines.
Dec. 4th, 2008 02:28 pm (UTC)
I missed most of this year on LiveJournal, and but I agree with you on at least one thing here. Pop music of the 1940's does suck dog cock. Everyone says that if they had a time machine, they'd go back and assassinate Hitler. I'd assassinate the Andrews Sisters.

I also generally hate all things written by Irving Berlin, which includes but is not limited to the 1940's.


flavored with age
Gun-totin', Chronic-smokin' Hearse Initiator
Ludic Log


Leonard Pierce is a freelance writer wandering around Texas with no sleep or sense of direction. If you give him money he will write something for you. If you are nice to him he may come to your house and get drunk.

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