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GO, JOE! No, seriously, go.

JOE THE PLUMBER! He's a bad joke from a failed presidential campaign, and he just won't go away!

‘Joe the Plumber’ Wurzelbacher told a group of journalists covering the conflict in Israel and Gaza that he didn’t think the media should be allowed to report on war.


JOE THE PLUMBER! He's presented as an everyday average dude, but he gets to fly halfway around the world on someone else's dime to do something he sucks at!

Wurzelbacher arrived in Israel on Sunday to start a 10-day assignment for pjtv.com, a Web site run by the conservative media outlet Pajamas Media.


JOE THE PLUMBER! He doesn't understand what words mean!

“I think media should be abolished from, you know, reporting,” Wurzelbacher said.


JOE THE PLUMBER! He thinks that knowing the whole story cannot be accomplished by investigation!

“You know, war is hell. And if you’re gonna sit there and say, ‘well, look at this atrocity,’ well you don’t know the whole story behind it half the time, so I think the media should have no business in it.”


JOE THE PLUMBER! He lives in a crazy alternate universe where the American media does not tell Israel's side of the story!

The plumber-turned-foreign correspondent said he wanted to cover Israel’s side of the conflict, because he thought the media was slanting the story to make it look like “Israel’s being bad.”


JOE THE PLUMBER! He doesn't have any time for namby-pamby bullshit about the so-called Palestinians, but he knows how much the Israelis are suffering, because they have lost the basic human right to long leisurely hot showers and picnics!

In his first day as a reporter, Wurzelbacher described the hardships of daily life in the southern Israeli town of Sderot. “I’m sure they’re taking quick showers, I know I would,” Wurzelbacher said. “So you can’t plan your day, you can’t take a picnic.“


JOE THE PLUMBER! He advocates violence, as long as the right people are doing it!

Wurzelbacher said he thought Israel should have attacked Gaza sooner. He told a group of reporters that he was a “peace-loving man,” but that "when someone hits me, I'm going to unload on the boy.”


JOE THE PLUMBER! He loves him some phony tough-guy talk!

He got a first-hand taste of reality in Sderot, when his group heard sirens warning of a rocket attack. With cameras rolling, Wurzelbacher and his group ran into a shelter. “I’m in the bunker, I’m sitting there angry, outright furious, that I’m letting this terrorist dictate what I’m going to do because they’re firing missiles,” Wurzelbacher said. “It was fear at first, then outright anger, and then me wanting some kind of retribution."


JOE THE PLUMBER! He does not realize that phony tough-guy talk just makes you look like a big-mouthed chickenshit!

"I’m not a person that runs from things, but when it’s a missile, you run.”


JOE THE PLUMBER! He openly admits that he is wasting everybody's time and money!

"You don’t need to see what’s happening every day, that’s my personal opinion, you don’t have to share it."


JOE THE PLUMBER! He knows that a bunch of sappy crap about bodycounts will just bum everybody out!

"But, you know, okay, you don’t have to see, you know, 800 dead, 801 dead."


JOE THE PLUMBER! He wants you to focus on how the Israelis are having their picnics disrupted, not on a bunch of smelly dead Arabs!

"It’s like they drill that in your head. … They want you to sit there saying there are so many people dying."


JOE THE PLUMBER! He is vaguely aware that the thing he just said might not go over so well!

"You know these are large, these are numbers, you know I don’t want to take away from that. Let me, uh, think about how to say that again."


JOE THE PLUMBER! He thinks freedom of the press is the stupidest freedom of them all!

"I think the military should decide what information to give the media and then the media can release it to the public. I don’t believe they need to be in the front lines with soldiers, I don’t believe they need to, uh, you know, be bothering the military for information."


I used to say that Bill O'Reilly was the Dumbest Man in America, and then, after the ascension of Sean Hannity, I awarded him the title. But I'm pretty sure that three Joe the Plumbers are stupider than half a Sean Hannity. If American conservatives are honestly still paying attention to this guy, their intellectual wing must have been eaten with ranch dressing months ago.

Comments

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roseyv
Jan. 14th, 2009 12:37 am (UTC)
>You know, war is hell.

Okay, credit where it's due. He does have a pithy turn of original phrase, you have to hand it to him.
dignam
Jan. 14th, 2009 01:06 am (UTC)
As soon as I saw that news item a couple of weeks ago, I spat on the ground. We are a stupid snivelization.
unclebebby
Jan. 14th, 2009 01:23 am (UTC)
I have to give this dumb bastard credit, he managed to out ride his 15 minute fame machine. Which is more then I could ever do.

I will now hound future political candidates with a tape recorder, and I will be known as as Benny the Tape Recorder.
mcfnord
Jan. 14th, 2009 01:52 am (UTC)
I have heard it argued, and I tend to agree, that Joe and Palin should keep, keep, keep talking. The sensible Republicans wishing to rebuild the party may disagree!
yesaffirmative
Jan. 14th, 2009 02:05 am (UTC)
It's times like this that I feel like sending sympathy cards and maybe some baked goods to the intellectual wing of the Republican Party. Those guys have it rough.

Hell, I bet they haven't been able to properly plan a picnic in 20 years.
carbonunit
Jan. 14th, 2009 02:21 am (UTC)
Joe the Plumber is awesome! He's like the Onion, but in real life! Like Hower Simpson without the underlying decency. I look forward to the long and fruitful career of Joe the Plumber, constantly illustrating how stupidity and "gut feelings" factor into the stories he believes he is reporting on.
substitute
Jan. 14th, 2009 03:15 am (UTC)
The sad thing is that O'Reilly and Hannity aren't at all dumb. They just play it on TV. Joe is the real thing. As torgo_x said, he's going to get killed by some pissed-off falafel vendor if he doesn't get out of there.
anne_jumps
Jan. 14th, 2009 03:56 am (UTC)
If American conservatives are honestly still paying attention to this guy, their intellectual wing must have been eaten with ranch dressing months ago.

Burrrrrrn.
thaitea
Jan. 14th, 2009 05:18 am (UTC)
You know, Joe the Plumber makes me think about how much I like Ranch dressing.
bassman42
Jan. 14th, 2009 09:45 am (UTC)
Okay, these are the people who brought you a second Bush term. The intellectuals among them believe you will buy Joe the Plumber because you couldn't possibly be bright enough to just ignore him.
oilyrags
Jan. 14th, 2009 03:46 pm (UTC)
Hey, Joe, where you goin' with that dumb in your head?
I'm goin' to the Holy Land, gonna report on the one thousand dead.
roninspoon
Jan. 14th, 2009 05:51 pm (UTC)
At first I was hoping he get himself killed over there. Then, for a brief moment, I thought "Maybe he'll learn something?"

I think I blacked out when I thought that, and when I woke up I realized my brain was punishing me for being so stupid.
zulkey
Jan. 15th, 2009 02:43 am (UTC)
I hate this guy and not to sound like a republican but I hate how he totally bit john mccain's hand after all this.
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Leonard Pierce is a freelance writer wandering around Texas with no sleep or sense of direction. If you give him money he will write something for you. If you are nice to him he may come to your house and get drunk.

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