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Free Coffee and the Death of Liberty

You know, it really must be exhausting, the life of a right-wing hack. Constantly having to keep track of all the products you need to boycott because they recognize the existence of a new President; forever having to tie yourself in knots of irrationality to defend your claim that a coffee shop offering a free cuppa to anyone who does community service is the sounding bell of totalitarianism; taking whatever pills are necessary to shut off the parts of your brain that insist that an incoming moderate corporatist Democrat is not the same as Hitler, Stalin, or Kim Jong Il. Not to mention all those years of defending a President that almost everyone hates, which leaves you completely ill-equipped to deal with the appearance of one that almost everyone likes! I think it must be too much for the dear old things at times, and they're liable to get a bit addled, like your great-aunt who mistakes the bottle of Heinz 57 for that Georgia boy she went to cotillion with in 1947.

Look here, par exemple, at some unfortunate from Montana who wonders why big corporations are directing their advertising at liberals, or, as he puts it, people who "don't have any money". But I thought the tar against the Left is that we were a bunch of rich elitist snobs, fattened off of what we stole from taxpayers, and dedicated to ruining the lives of the hardworking common man! Now I hear that we're a bunch of bums who can't even afford a Pepsi-Cola. Well, I never. Or Nacho-Averse Catholic, who claims that "freedom of choice" is "a liberal-invented euphemism for abortion on demand to begin with!" But wait, I thought it was capitalist shorthand for all that was good and great about our consumer-capitalist economy! Perhaps Mr. Catholic was so enraged by Krispy Kreme giving away donuts, instead of selling them to the highest bidder as God and Rand intended, that he simply couldn't think straight.

Well, at least we shan't have to worry about these fog-minded sillies much longer. As a poster at A Tree Who Shot Liberty Valance notes, Presi-fuhher Obamitler will soon put paid to all those who do not embrace his Pepsi: "They are taking all that they learned from Hitler and emphasizing what worked and tweaking out what didn't. I'm pretty well convinced that those of us who will not bow to him will die because of it."

Comments

( 9 SHOTS LICKED — LICK A SHOT )
shekb
Jan. 19th, 2009 06:41 pm (UTC)
You mean....all I need for an "I told you so" is that Obama does NOT round people up and murder them? Holy SHIT these people are making it easy.
ludickid
Jan. 19th, 2009 06:44 pm (UTC)
And yet you will be without an answer to the far more serious charge that Obama is a Negro.
shekb
Jan. 19th, 2009 06:46 pm (UTC)
For that I was planning to use the "soft-racist" argument that he's tolerable as president since he's half-white.
faeriemuriel
Jan. 19th, 2009 08:33 pm (UTC)
Oh, I love this quote here:

"The American Life League has finally discovered the secret, immoral ingredient that makes Krispy Kreme doughnuts so very addictive: fetuses."
thaitea
Jan. 19th, 2009 09:56 pm (UTC)
Yeah, they're pretty nuts. That Catholic guy is... cool...
bisonfish
Jan. 19th, 2009 10:46 pm (UTC)
emphasizing what worked and tweaking out what didn't

Emily looks a little young to be on the Internets, or to remember Hitler. But yes, what didn't work for Hitler was, well, pretty much everything in the long run....
ortho_bob
Jan. 20th, 2009 12:05 am (UTC)
Next they're going to boycott air because Obama breathes it.

I thought the post election period would be a silent wasteland over on the right but it's been a veritable Golden Age of Wingnuttery.
lucifrix
Jan. 20th, 2009 04:12 pm (UTC)
Next they're going to boycott air because Obama breathes it.

I'd be OK with that.
perich
Jan. 20th, 2009 12:56 am (UTC)
Back when they had the Presidency, both houses of Congress and the Supreme Court, it took the real demented hacks to insist that they were the beleaguered minority. Now everyone can play!
( 9 SHOTS LICKED — LICK A SHOT )

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ludickid
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Leonard Pierce is a freelance writer wandering around Texas with no sleep or sense of direction. If you give him money he will write something for you. If you are nice to him he may come to your house and get drunk.

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