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Don't do drugs, kids! Uh, for some reason.

Do you know what is hilarious about the Michael Phelps thing? I do not give a raw shit about Michael Phelps, but all of the sudden, the guy goes from national fucking hero to pariah because he got caught hitting the bong. And it doesn't have anything to do with the fact that he's ruined his career, or got caught taking performance-enhancing drugs, or tainted his legacy, or anything like that. The reason everyone is mad is because he has made official government propaganda look ridiculous.

Because every night of the week, you can turn on the TV and see some ludicrous ODCP ad in which we are told that dope smokers will invariably turn out to be couchbound losers whose entire accomplishment in life will be keeping the snack foods industry afloat. No adult human being seriously believes that is true, in a world where about 75% of the population smokes dope on a semi-regular basis, but we still have to pony up millions of tax dollars a year on these ads which tell us, hey, kids, smoke dope and you'll grow up to be a failure. Or, you know, the greatest Olympic swimmer in the history of the world, maybe.

It's not that I'm really worried about Phelps, as such -- I mean, it's not like he's black, so he won't go to prison or anything -- but this is just another absurd fucking example of the gargantuan hypocrisy of the drug war, and evidence that the only dangerous thing about marijuana is that it's illegal. If it was a proprietary drug made by Glaxo-Welcome, they'd put together a billion-dollar ad campaign showing a highlight reel of the roughly 50 million dope smokers who have gone on to become wealthy, powerful, talented and successful, but since it's a weed that grows in the ground naturally and only makes money for criminals, we'll keep throwing brown people in jail for it and cough loudly and say "HEY LOOK OVER THERE" every time a famous person does it.

Sometimes I wonder what this stupid country would look like if we based our governance of it on how things really are instead of how we pretend they are.

Comments

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ext_75804
Feb. 10th, 2009 06:50 pm (UTC)
Agreed.
What makes it even better is they've done studies, and commercials telling kids not to do drugs, or that drugs will make you a loser, or whatever, don't have any effect on drug use rates. (As much as this even can be measured, I guess.) I'll try to find a citation when I get a chance.
abouthipsanck3s
Feb. 10th, 2009 07:07 pm (UTC)
What's he got now, 14? 16 gold medals? I'd say that merits the right to a rip or two. Who is this Uncle Bong who ratted him out anyway? He's the guy I wouldn't want as a role model.
ludickid
Feb. 10th, 2009 07:25 pm (UTC)
Never trust a guy named Uncle Bong. Or Big Chief Bongsalot.
oilyrags
Feb. 10th, 2009 08:06 pm (UTC)
Seriously, how is it that this guy didn't get his nose and cameraphone busted up? Isn't that just etiquette?
perich
Feb. 10th, 2009 07:21 pm (UTC)
oh, you'll lovvvve this
http://czabe.blogspot.com/2009/02/long-but-last-word-on-phelps-and-his.html

"I find excuse making over marijuana use to be pathetic. Especially when taken in context of the sports world, where striving, discipline, and excellence are the coins of the realm. Sports, in short, is for winners, and those who would like to be one, one day. Weed, is for losers. Period."
ludickid
Feb. 10th, 2009 07:26 pm (UTC)
Re: oh, you'll lovvvve this
GAH THAT DOESN'T EVEN MAKE A LICK OF SENSE

IS THAT DUDE EVEN PAYING ATTENTION TO HIMSELF
brandawg
Feb. 10th, 2009 08:56 pm (UTC)
Re: oh, you'll lovvvve this
DOPE IS FOR DOPES!
hipsterdetritus
Feb. 11th, 2009 12:47 am (UTC)
Re: oh, you'll lovvvve this
WINNERS DON'T USE DRUGS
abouthipsanck3s
Feb. 10th, 2009 11:05 pm (UTC)
Re: oh, you'll lovvvve this
The constant use of "weed-head" is pissing me off more than the rest of the article.
archaica
Feb. 10th, 2009 07:34 pm (UTC)
(Deleted comment)
rxgreene
Feb. 10th, 2009 07:54 pm (UTC)
Yes, and there have also been studies that show that the the percentages of active ingredients (which weed can be bred for) can determine the difference between a good high, and a paranoid one. This then lowers the chance of a psychotic reaction, by removing the chemical responsible. Were weed legal, or at least legally commercially harvested in the USA, this ingredient would be removed within a few generations.
ludickid
Feb. 10th, 2009 08:41 pm (UTC)
I will happily amend it to "aside from its illegality, marijuana is substantially less dangerous than milk or peanuts".
oilyrags
Feb. 10th, 2009 08:05 pm (UTC)
The real question is: why haven't we seen a Michael Phelps/bong scandal/Ca$h4Gold.com comedy sketch yet?
ludickid
Feb. 10th, 2009 09:19 pm (UTC)
Because God loves us?
zulkey
Feb. 10th, 2009 09:12 pm (UTC)
i think it's interesting that a good amount of people are backing him up--I just wonder if they'd do the same if he was a black track runner or something.
ludickid
Feb. 10th, 2009 09:13 pm (UTC)
Or one of those "thuggish" basketball players...
carbonunit
Feb. 10th, 2009 09:17 pm (UTC)
The only response that makes sense in the case of a media blitz on pot is, replace every mention of the drug with alcohol. Alcohol damages your self esteem and motivation. Alcohol can cause cancer. It is well known that alcohol addicts become highly dependant on this evil drug. Alcohol is for losers, period. Imagine if Michael Phelps was busted drinking alcohol? Alcohol is a banned substance in Olympic competiton (true). This is your brain on alcohol. Whatever.
ludickid
Feb. 10th, 2009 09:19 pm (UTC)
The main difference being that alcohol actually is way, way worse for you than marijuana.
lightinchains
Feb. 10th, 2009 11:50 pm (UTC)
I was going to bang on the cliched drum of comparing it to alcohol, but reading through the answers I realised I'd confused Fred Phelps with Michael Phelps.

Maybe I shouldn't have had that last glass of Shiraz.
bassman42
Feb. 10th, 2009 11:53 pm (UTC)
In answer to your query, the government would fall apart. The US has so much time, money, and human hours invested in the completely failed and ultimately ridiculous war on drugs that it couldn't make pot legal if some enlightened Senator actually put together enough votes to do so. That would be a tacit admission of failure, wouldn't it? Nevermind that many, many of the nation's prison inmates wouldn't be in prison at all if that relatively benign herb was not subject to the same penalties as,say, cocaine possession. North American drug policy works FOR the criminal element, not against it.
threepunchstuff
Feb. 11th, 2009 07:05 pm (UTC)
Everything you're saying on a policy level is completely legitimate, but seriously, I just talked to a guy last night who just got done smoking some marijuana cigarettes, and he was as much of an annoying douchebag as every other person I've ever interacted with under the influence of marijuana cigarettes. Fuck that stupid bullshit.
(Anonymous)
Apr. 8th, 2009 07:43 am (UTC)
In more innocent times - before there were drug testing regimes in sports - a friend of mine was inducted into the Australian institute of sport. As well as being a competitive race-walker who had held a world record (for 1 hour, it was broken again the same day at another venue) he was also a huge pot-head with his own bong factory. He was studying to be a sport sociologist & he thought he was going to be some kind of secret agent in there, his thesis was going to prove that You could take drugs & still be a champion. However when he got in there he discovered that nearly all of our elite athletes were on something, & that each discipline had its own little drug cult. He tore up his thesis & wrote it instead on the (then) new phenomenon - the Mexican Wave.
Hands in the air everybody.
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Leonard Pierce is a freelance writer wandering around Texas with no sleep or sense of direction. If you give him money he will write something for you. If you are nice to him he may come to your house and get drunk.

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