JACKIE TOHN. Any incipient prurient interest I had in Ms. Tohn was decimated like a failed Roman legion by her bizarre “Olive Oyl in leather pants” ensemble. Her performance wasn’t great, either – she was all over the place tonally – but given what would come later, it might be good enough to get her through. Rocker chicks usually last pretty far in, but please God, no more of that outfit.
RICKY BRADDY. Ricky, who I had pegged as the most hopeless case of all the guys, actually surprised me by turning in a pretty great vocal performance, at least insofar as his actual voice goes. He’s still seriously lacking in charisma and identity, which is what the ever-wise Simon zeroed in on. I have to admit he’s better than I thought, but still not good enough to win.
ALEXIS GRACE. Another big surprise – Alexis was something of a cipher who seemed like she barely scraped through the previous round, but she looked and sounded great this time out, having actually taken the judges’ advice to grime it up a bit. In a normal year she wouldn’t be a standout, but it’s a bad crop of women this time out, so even Simon Cowell gave her some dap. She’ll move on, I think.
BRENT KEITH. Brent rather cynically took what is likely to be his only featured performance on the show to sing a retarded populist country song, and when the judges pointed out that he came across like a spoiled ham, he got all defensive and said, well, this is the kind of artist I’m going to be. No, Brent, the kind of artist you’re going to be is the kind that can’t get a record contract.
STEVIE WRIGHT. Stevie was just abysmal. I mean, it wasn’t just a failure of look, moves, song choice, or anything like that – she actually could not sing. She was off key for at least half of what isn’t even a particularly hard song. I kinda like how her mom got all bitchy at the judges – look, maternal pride is one thing, but it’s their job to spell out what a fuckup your daughter really is. One of the worst ever.
ANOOP DESAI. Anoop has been a favorite of mine right out of the gate, but he was a bit of a letdown tonight. His song choice was bad (no matter how meaningful it is to him, it doesn’t really fit his vocal style and delivery) and he wasn’t as charismatic as usual. Still, I think he’s solid enough to get through, and people like him enough to vote him a second chance. Plus, his parents were totally charming.
CASEY CARLSON. I don’t know why all the dudes think Casey is so hot – she’s perfectly plain-looking – and I won’t need to know after this round, because she’s doomed. This was the worst performance this side of Stevie Wright, and maybe even worse than that because of the grotesque stage business she was doing. Casey Carlson made drunk Paula cry, and that’s only slightly easy to do.
MICHAEL SARVER. Mr. Oil Rig Man delivered his song the way Brent Keith wishes he had, and considering that he’s a lumbering lard-ass, he didn’t hulk around on stage the way I thought he might, so last night has to be considered a victory for him. Still, he just isn’t the strongest singer in the bunch; he might stick around because so many people done fucked up, but he’ll need the special pleading he got from Simon.
ANNE MARIE BOSKOVITCH. Instead of going with the Rocker Chick Minor League persona she cultivated in Hollywood, Anne Marie instead chose to do a soul-belter vibe, for which her pipes are entirely unsuited. She was more bland than she was terrible, and she won points for her (perhaps unintentionally) bitchy dig at Kara, but I would be a bit surprised if she made it any further than this round.
STEPHEN FOWLER. I keep hoping for great things out of this guy, because he’s got a great voice, but he keeps completely disappointing me. After his weeded-out double forgetting of the lyrics in Hollywood, now he oversings a Michael Jackson song and botches a couple of the top-notes. He’s not gonna stick around long enough to show us what he’s capable of, and that’s entirely his fault.
TATIANA DEL TORO. Tatiana tried to downplay her crazy, or maybe she’s just on Xanax, but it crept through before her performance, during the “I believe in marketing” speech to the judges, and her creepy plea to America during the voting info bit. As for her voice, it was adequate if unspectacular, and she should stick around unless she stays on the medication that quells the reason she’s on the show.
DANNY GOKEY. The anti-Danny backlash has begun, and I can’t really imagine why – he seems the same now as when he started and everybody loved him. His voice is great, his personality hasn’t changed, his wife is still dead; is it just that Jamar isn’t around anymore to act as his foil? Whatever the case, I still think he’s a major talent and I hope people stop the hatin’. He’s pretty much a shoe-in for R2.
Predictions: I can't remember if they're KEEPING three each round, or DUMPING three -- I know they changed the rules. If it's the former, Alexis, Anoop and Danny move on; Tatiana, Jackie and Michael are remote possibilities. If it's the latter, I'd guess that Stevie, Casey and Anne Marie are doomed, with an outside chance of Ricky and Stephen being gone.
Comments
Unfortunately, he could really sing (the terrible schmaltzy, cheap song).
I mean, Danny could have just decided to sit home and be sad, I guess, but then we never would have heard of him. "Idol" has given us a lot of mawkish and maudlin storylines over the years, but few of them have seemed as sincere to me as Danny's.
I certainly don't think he should've stayed at home and mourned forever, but I kind of have to question what kind of person is capable of even thinking about American Idol mere weeks after the death of the their wife.
Then, as I'm thinking this from the recap, he comes out and starts singing, "Oh Look How Strong I Am! What a Great Example For You!"
Sure, the blind guys is going to get sympathy votes for being the blind guy, but he's not going to come out with a cup and pencils.
*barfs*
which is to say that something feels phony to me too.
And I liked his best friend Jamar much better. Why did he get booted?!?! I missed that episode.
While I thought Stevie was just sad, Casey (whose bikini photos are... well, I see why the guys like her, she's glossy-hot) was abhorrent. I won't get into my whole thing about why I find this show a gigantic eye-roller, or about how I personally think a singer should be on stage with their material, but she plays into all the things I hate about this kind of competition -
she sang like a person from a non-English speaking country with a great accent who memorized the song without ever translating the words. I cannot say enough about how horrified I was about her taking the intensity of the song (which can be done CAREFULLY by a competent singer, despite the judges' yammering) and fucking it up with winks, arrhythmic hip twitches, and every hokey move the forgettable Kristy Lee Cook ever did. I'm not even sure how bad her voice was, because her performance made my eyes bleed.
Also: I hate Monica songs and I think she'd be hard to cover; Steven Fowler had the largest great voice/ shittacular performance variance of the night; and I really kind of like the One Tree Hill theme song. I started making loose plans to do some karaoke just to sing it. You should come to Chi and join me. How DO you feel about karaoke?
Aretha Franklin
Whitney Houston
Stevie Wonder
Michael Jackson
The Police
I think the next time I'll be in Chicago is August -- my birthday coincides with either Lollapalooza or the Pitchfork Festival, I can't remember which, and I thought I'd jet up there for that.
You load sixteen tons, and what do you get?
Another day older and deeper in debt.
Saint Peter, don't you call me, 'cause I can't go;
I owe my soul to the company store...
One time I did live band karaoke in Chicago, and I sang "Ace of Spades" by Motorhead and I fucking TORE IT UP. But I was so drunk that after I finished I threw up in my hat. The end.
By the way, Leonard, a quick "damn you" for two things:
1. Writing sensibly and engagingly about this ridiculous show, thus making me interested enough to actually watch and get sucked in by it this year.
2. Mentioning Hitchcock's "My Wife and My Dead Wife," which I now hear every time Gokey smirks at the camera. You are correct, though; he had far and away the best performance out of what was a pretty dismal bunch. The producers clearly clocked this in rehearsal and rigged the line-up accordingly so as to end on a high note.
Mainly, I just loved that Simon's harshest criticism was reserved for the band and whoever was doing the arranging- and again, he was spot on- as it was, by and large, horseshit.
I'm impressed at how well you write, having apparently been blind since birth and all.