Gun-totin', Chronic-smokin' Hearse Initiator (ludickid) wrote,
Gun-totin', Chronic-smokin' Hearse Initiator
ludickid

Shut the fuck up, you're the piano man

There are issues which, though they should by any reasonable estimation have been settled long ago, are still being debated nearly into the second decade of the 21st century. In our world today, when we can literally transmit information at the speed of light, when we are as far removed from our primitive ancestors as the Earth is from Sirius, we are still debating the right and wrong, the false and true, of topics that should have been laid to rest when the lingua franca of the human race was savage grunting and frenetic arm-waving. Primary among these is this question: “Is William Martin Joel the worst popular musician in all of recorded history, or is he not?” The answer – a yes so resounding that you pray it will deafen you rather than leave the slightest chance you will have to hear “Uptown Girl” one more time – seems as obvious as gravitation, and yet there are those who contest its truth even as I commit it now to eternal, unchanged electrons.

So I’m going to settle it.Collapse )
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Anonymous

February 25 2009, 12:33:15 UTC 9 years ago

Dear Leonard - Blow me. Sincerely, Billy Joel
If only his songs were this terse.

terse

Anonymous

9 years ago

You know, amazingly, I have gone my whole life without ever hearing any songs off of that notorious hunk of junk. However, I do cherish the cover as a particularly ripe piece of cheese, and I can't help but notice that despite having disowned the album altogether, BJ managed to recycle two songs off of it ("Wonder Woman" and "Amplifier Fire") into his solo career.

fengi

9 years ago

"Sussudio" the worst song ever?

Dude-- "The Christmas Shoes"? "In the Year 2525"? "I've Been to Paradise (But I've Never Been To Me)"?

ludickid

9 years ago

Anonymous

9 years ago

feisty_robot

9 years ago

Anonymous

9 years ago

calamityjon

9 years ago

ortho_bob

February 25 2009, 13:45:09 UTC 9 years ago Edited:  February 25 2009, 13:54:32 UTC

Rod Stewart wasn't in the Small Faces. That was Steve Marriott. Rod joined when Marriott left and they became the Faces.

Other than that -- carry on, sir.

Also, not living in the USA during the Billy Joel years I can only recall about four of those songs. They were bad and I sympathize with a generation of Americans who had to hear six times that many....
Ahh - a nice old fashioned hate-fest pile-on. Just what we need to release some of our economic tension.. Reminds me of the good old days in Nuremberg back in the 30's. Let's really give that kike a good as-kicking. Come on kameraden, you can do better than this.
You were at Nuremberg in the '30s?

Re: Hate-fest

Anonymous

9 years ago

I only wish they'd demolished him along with Shea Stadum.
Also: Sadly, my girlfriend loves Billy Joel. This is a point of contention between us.

contention

Anonymous

9 years ago

Re: contention

ludickid

9 years ago

What's the matter Fuckface? Don't believe in free speech or equal time? Can't be disagreed with or confronted with a different point of view? You are a phony and a coward and your pathetic cyber- Facism will always fail. Always.

Re: Bring It On

ludickid

February 25 2009, 15:56:19 UTC 9 years ago Edited:  February 25 2009, 15:57:53 UTC

1. My name is Leonard, not Fuckface. I think you may be mistaking me for someone else.

2. I certainly believe in free speech and equal time, although since this is a private journal, I’m not sure exactly what relevance that has.

3. It seems as if, judging from this thread, I can quite easily be disagreed with or confronted with a different point of view.

4. Arguments certainly can be made that I am a phony and a coward.

5. I’m not sure what ‘cyber-Facism’ you’re talking about.

Re: Bring It On

Anonymous

9 years ago

Re: Bring It On

ludickid

9 years ago

Re: Bring It On

bisonfish

9 years ago

One of the things I love about music is how much of its appreciation is subjective opinion. One man's treasure is another man's bucket of sun baked chum.

Except for Cake. I mean, what the fuck! Those guys aren't even trying to sing!
“And So It Goes”. Peaked at #37. Oh ho, I bet you forgot this one, didn’t you? And yet I bet you remember it now. I bet you can’t get it out of your head now. I bet you wish you had a shotgun.

Funny you should mention:

A friend of mine from Maryland (who I only started hanging out with after I moved to MA, but anyway) had a dream once that several of us were in a bar. We got in a huge shouting match with one of our other friends, who stormed out the bar's swinging front doors.

This friend marched back in through the swinging doors a minute later, pulling a shotgun out of his button-down shirt. He then proceeded to fire indiscriminately into the bar. We ducked behind tables, glasses exploded, etc.

This all happened in slow-motion with "And So It Goes" playing in the background.
(1) I agree that so, so many of his songs suck, but I'm only conceding this argument because of the extensive duration of his career. If Kid Rock's still putting out tracks in 2019, Billy Joel's bowing out of the top slot.

(2) I really like "I Go To Extremes."

Re: also

ludickid

9 years ago

Re: also

perich

9 years ago

Re: also

ludickid

9 years ago

Re: also

hipsterdetritus

9 years ago

Re: also

slammerkinbabe

9 years ago

Re: also

drownedinink

9 years ago

ludickid

9 years ago

Billy Joel/Elton John

Anonymous

9 years ago

Re: Billy Joel/Elton John

Anonymous

9 years ago

hipsterdetritus

9 years ago

It's awesome that you're being trolled by Billy Joel.

Although maybe it's James Lileks...

Deleted comment

See, now, calamityjon agrees with you, and claims he can prove that Collins is worse than Joel. We'll just have to see.
I think this quote, from this article (page 2 on NYT online version) sums things up:

The reasons for that critical disdain are hard to pin down. There are no lyrics from ''The Stranger'' as ridiculously melodramatic as the worst lines from ''Born to Run'' (''Just wrap your legs round these velvet rims/And strap your hands across my engines''), nor was Joel's public posture any less organic or more calculated than that of the Sex Pistols. But guys like Bruce Springsteen and Johnny Rotten have a default credibility that Joel will never be granted, and it's not just because he took piano lessons. The problem is that Joel never seemed cool, even among the people who like him. He's not cool in the conventional sense (like James Dean) or in the self-destructive sense (like Keith Richards), nor is he cool in the kitschy, campy, ''he's so uncool he's cool'' way (like Neil Diamond). He has no intrinsic coolness, and he has no extrinsic coolness. If cool were a color, it would be black -- and Joel would be kind of a burnt orange. The bottom line is that it's never cool to look like you're trying . . . and Joel tries really, really hard.
It is a testament to the decency of our society that Joey Ramone did not beat him to death with a mic stand.

This is the funniest sentence you've written in ... well, I haven't been keeping track, but a while. This is hilarious.

Also, you took it easy on "That's Not Her Style." Considering that's one of his many, many, "I'm Fucking A Supermodel!" songs, I figured you'd come down on it harsh.
Also, why does your post hating on Billy Joel draw all the trolls (or one frighteningly persistent troll) out of the woodwork, while my hate on Kid Rock lured out a measly two or three? I figured Kid Rock would have a much more fanatical contingent among the web-savvy.
Yeah... On #2 I agree.

But Randy Newman... what about Randy Newman?
Seriously? Randy Newman is one of the greatest singer/songwriters there is. He's a million miles past any of these people.
So do you like Billy Joel? I can't tell.

Here is a thing about my life: When I was in high school liking Billy Joel was the height of rebellion because of his anti-Catholic songs. Well, the height of rebellion was reserved for liking Madonna. But liking Billy Joel was a close second. I had a quote from "Keeping the Faith" in my high school yearbook and it was a TRIUMPH OF TRANSGRESSIVE SELF-ASSERTION.

Or something.

Now for the serious, though: you left off "This Night", in which he blatantly plagiarized Beethoven's Sonata Pathetique. On the doo-qop album. With putrescently vapid lyrics. And a non-chorus melody that... well, that is written by Billy Joel and therefore meshes with the style of the Beethoven chorus about as well as you'd expect. Why?
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