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Blow hard, blow fast, blow true

The political news is almost never good, and I usually react to even a whiff of hope the same way I do to getting an F-15 for Christmas in my dreams, but if the rumors burbling around the Beltway are to be even slightly credited, there are a number of vocal Republicans -- not all of them of the beetle-browed, artificial-flavoring-stained internet loudmouth variety -- who are calling for the new head of the Republican National Committee, Michael Steele, to step down (or be fired), and for his replacement to be...Rush Limbaugh.

Now, this can hardly be looked at as a credible possibility. Because it would be altogether so wonderful that I would litter myself with delight. Nothing that good could possibly ever happen, not in this imperfect world. Not even the ever-more-incompetent, increasingly asinine Republican Party can possibly think that their future salvation lies in the sweaty palms of Mr. Voice On Loan From God. It would be far and away the dumbest thing the party has ever done, and that includes, as I hardly need to tell you, a lot of really fucking dumb shit. It would be so great that I almost don't want it to happen, much as, if you were the Fantastic Four, you would be sort of depressed if Victor Von Doom retired and handed his armor over to Stilt-Man.

Be aware that I have absolutely no love -- none -- for Michael Steele, who is a buffoon at best. But the idea that they would, barely a quarter into the historical first term of America's first black President, strip their own first-ever black national leader of his power...that they would so quickly snatch away what is basically the G.O.P.'s sole concession in their modern history to the notion that they are desirous of, or capable of getting, minority votes...that they would give up in the political blinking of an eye their hard-learned realization that the political divisions of the 1960s and the Southern Strategy were no longer ironclad law...and hand over control, both figurative and literal, of the only legitimate opposition party to a fat, impotent, drug-addicted, whoremongering radio cartoon whose name is synonymous with windy, hateful, know-nothing extremism, and who has proved time and time again that he is utterly incapable of functioning in the real world outside his insulated sphere of grunting parrots...

Well, it's just too good to be true.

Comments

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calamityjake
Mar. 5th, 2009 02:27 am (UTC)
I know exactly what you mean.

This is also how I feel about the prospect of Palin/Jindal 2012.
ludickid
Mar. 5th, 2009 12:43 pm (UTC)
My dreams of a Palin/Wurzelbach ticket may go forever unfulfilled...
solipsiae
Mar. 5th, 2009 06:14 pm (UTC)
how this goes in my head
GOP Brand Geniuses: "Wurzelbach" is too ethnic. Let's just go with "the Plumber."

GOP Brand Geniuses' Yes Men: YAY!
(Anonymous)
Mar. 5th, 2009 10:07 pm (UTC)
Even better
Palin/Stilt-Man 2012
flying_blind
Mar. 5th, 2009 03:20 am (UTC)
This would have been a great story for The Onion. Too bad the Republicans have put themselves beyond the reach of parody.
schtune
Mar. 5th, 2009 05:11 am (UTC)
What worries me is that I used to feel pretty much the same way about Bush receiving the Republican nomination, and look what happened.
perich
Mar. 5th, 2009 05:52 am (UTC)
that's demagoguery for ya
Rush wouldn't take the job if offered. Given what he does now, it would be a step down in pull for him.
ludickid
Mar. 5th, 2009 12:46 pm (UTC)
Re: that's demagoguery for ya
The thing is, though, Rush has an ego, and it makes him do stuff that's not in his best interests. He really thinks he's got the popularity and support and skills to live outside his bubble, which is why he occasionally does stuff like appear on Letterman or take that football gig. It always ends in disaster, but I'm not totally convinced that he'd turn down the RNC job, because of that ego.
perich
Mar. 5th, 2009 01:45 pm (UTC)
Re: that's demagoguery for ya
he occasionally does stuff like appear on Letterman or take that football gig

See, things like that I see as fitting in with his stated profession: being an entertainer. He was a DJ for the Kansas City Royals radio station long before he became a political, er, whatever you call him. He likes being behind the mic. And I think he knows enough about how his bread gets buttered that he prefers to stay there.

I'm not saying he has zero aspirations to politics. But he probably wouldn't take as unglamorous a job as RNC chairman.
solipsiae
Mar. 5th, 2009 06:16 pm (UTC)
with enough sycophantic support, I def see Rush throwing his toupee in the political arena
He does, however, see himself as EXTREMELY important - nay, crucial! Vital!! - to the soul of the GOP. If you can direct me to any recent quotes where he accepts his role as only that of "entertainer," I'll pipe down.
perich
Mar. 5th, 2009 06:18 pm (UTC)
not after eating Thai, anyway
Since I'd rather not spend the afternoon Googling Rush Limbaugh quotes, I will withdraw the observation.
quba
Mar. 5th, 2009 07:14 am (UTC)
I thought the head of the Republicans had to be an elected official. Shows what I know.

Oh, man. That would be incredible. The Republicans are fire bombing.

I sorta agree with Schtune though. Man would it suck for him to get any real power.
calamityjon
Mar. 5th, 2009 07:53 am (UTC)
Yeah, the parties themselves are private institutions, and they don't actually have to honor any electoral process for their candidates. Technically, they could just appoint their candidate (like the Greens always do, for instance)
ludickid
Mar. 5th, 2009 12:44 pm (UTC)
Yeah, it would be a real drag for the Green Party if you had to name an elected official to lead the organization...
tritium
Mar. 5th, 2009 03:33 pm (UTC)
Nate Silver (of FiveThirtyEight) has a pretty good rundown of the whole Limbaugh thing. In particular, his theory is that Obama's team is milking it for all it's worth... to signal to the three remaining moderate Republicans that their party is dissolving into blinkered ideologues.
roninspoon
Mar. 5th, 2009 04:56 pm (UTC)
If the GOP put Rush in charge, it would place them solidly on the path of the Wigs.
roseyv
Mar. 5th, 2009 05:33 pm (UTC)
You know, I know I’m not the first person to say this, but for a while there it kind of bothered me (even as I was relishing the schadenfreude) that the Republican party seems so hell-bent on self-immolation. Because while I do not like them (or at least, I do not like the particular strain of Republican that has been in power for most of the last half of my life), I do at least recognize that single-party rule can never be a good thing, no matter which party is in power. And that the absolute bare minimum number of political parties required to, at least in some small measure, balance that power is two. I mean, three would be better. But you have to have at least two, right? And I was kind of hoping that sooner or later, these guys would pull their panties up and just fucking deal with reality in some —reality-based way, no matter how badly that might go against the grain, because like it or not, they were kind of, you know. Necessary to the process.

I don’t think I believe that anymore.

Not because I no longer believe in the need for opposition, but simply because, while I do still believe an opposition party is essential, I’ve recently come to realize that that party does not have to be the Republican party. Saying you need a minimum of a two-party system is not the same as saying you need both Democrats and Republicans. It could just as easily and, at this point probably preferably, be Democrats and … someone else. I don’t know who, but maybe this would be a good time to find out.
solipsiae
Mar. 5th, 2009 06:19 pm (UTC)
phoenix analogy
This is the bird erupting into flames. (They just happen to be guzzling petrol in anticipation.) If the GOP knew what was good for them, they'd focus their attention on how to make that which emerges from the ashes much, much better than the bird of today.
writebrain
Mar. 7th, 2009 02:46 am (UTC)
Amen Rosey.

Let the Republicans burn. Most likely, a group of Dems would split off. That's where the Repugs came from -- splitting off from the Dems and from the defunct Whigs.
roseyv
Mar. 5th, 2009 05:34 pm (UTC)
Also, "litter myself with delight" is a warm, enveloping ocean tide of win.
writebrain
Mar. 7th, 2009 02:46 am (UTC)
I liked that too!
solipsiae
Mar. 5th, 2009 06:13 pm (UTC)
This is seriously just some Jerry Springer shit, but I CANNOT LOOK AWAY. I am one of those "Democrats in glee" over the entire thing. I got mad when I read that Gibb admitted that the whole PR war is "unconstructive -" but hey, if the last remnants of the so-called sane members of the GOP could be heard over the mass-diarrhea then they could see this as a HUGE opportunity to unveil their new "brand." Everyone's watching, everyone's listening! What do you have to say for yourselves, GOP?

"Just listen to Rush."

I'm right there with you, L. But I'm trying to keep my salivating chops in check - that behavior is more befitting of the GOP. Maybe I'll just stifle my euphoria with more arugula.
solipsiae
Mar. 5th, 2009 06:20 pm (UTC)
Also, sorry for politijisming all over your entry, L. I am mainlining this whole circus like whoa.
bassman42
Mar. 6th, 2009 02:15 am (UTC)
Unfortunately, it'll never fly, although I'd give my whole twentyfive hundred and thirty bucks (before taxes) paycheck to see it happen. The majority of Those In Charge in the Republican Party just aren't that stupid.
writebrain
Mar. 7th, 2009 02:47 am (UTC)
McCain/Palin ring a bell?

;-)
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Leonard Pierce is a freelance writer wandering around Texas with no sleep or sense of direction. If you give him money he will write something for you. If you are nice to him he may come to your house and get drunk.

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