Gun-totin', Chronic-smokin' Hearse Initiator (ludickid) wrote,
Gun-totin', Chronic-smokin' Hearse Initiator
ludickid

Sometimes you gotta do something even if it's wrong

Dear friends,

Inspired by a comments thread over at the Onion AV Club, in which a reader wondered what the equivalent of “Once you go black, you never go back” was for Asians, I wrote the following highly offensive couplets:

- Once you go Asia, you’ll have Western aphasia.

- Once you go Chinese, you’ll lust for their hineys.

- Once you go Nippon, no more whites put your lip on.

- Once you go Thailand, no more Yanks on your island.

- Once you go Sino, you’ll avoid the gwai lo.

- In comes Korean, out goes European.

- Hang out in Hong Kong, get a taste for the Hmong schlong.

Deciding that this wasn’t nearly offensive enough, I continued, reckoning that there was no reason that other races and ethnic groups should be excluded:

- Once you go pygmy, no more will you dig me.

- Once you go Jewish, Gentiles simply won’t doish.

- Once you go Hindu, you’ll be shocked what they c’n do.

- Once you go Injun, no more paleface sex bingin’.

- Once you go Spic, gringos won’t flick your Bic.

- Once you’ve had Slav, other races fuck off.

- Once you’ve had coloreds, all the others are dullards.

- Once you’ve had Ainu, you’re all, “What the fuck? How drunk did I get last night, anyway? I think I had sex with an AINU DUDE!”

And so on. I think you all know what to do now.
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  • Why am I still doing this?

    #16. DJ AAK: Hey, new premise: let's get jobs! THE INTERNET: Vayner, an aspiring investment banker, sent a video titled "Impossible is…

  • You're all participating in a great experiment

    #11. DJ AAK: Enough of these comical fish-out-of-water assimilation scenarios. We need to get started on the mission. MC BOY: I'M ON A…

  • More of it

    #6. DJ AAK: All right, bitch, we need to culturally assimilate. MC BOY: HOW COME FOR YOU CALL ME A BITCH WHEN YOU ARE THE LADY AND I AM A…