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Signs and Wonders

Despite my loathing of their advertising campaigns, Axe keeps sending me free samples in the mail, and because I am more lazy than spiteful when it comes to consumer spending and personal hygiene, I use them. I used their combination shampoo and conditioner that was named after a turd; I used their body wash that was made out of hot lava; I even used their hair gel that looked like a big tub of cum. I am not a proud man, but I am a very cheap man. So last week, I found in my mailbox a new variety of Axe body wash, and I swear to hell, this stuff smells exactly like lemon-lime Gatorade. I honestly can’t decide if this is a good thing or a bad thing.

Also, last night, while watching some show on the SyFy Network (and that’s got to be the most annoying way yet discovered to abbreviate ‘science fiction’), there was a commercial for a travel show featuring vacationers who like to stay off the beaten path. In order to emphasize their non-tourist cred, the announcer mentioned that they had been to Paris three times and still not seen the Mona Lisa or the Arc d’Triomphe. Okay, the Mona Lisa makes sense – to see it, you have to go to the Louvre, one of the biggest tourist destinations in France – but the Arc d’Triomphe? That thing’s kinda hard to miss. You could be incredibly non-touristy in Paris and still see it a dozen times. What’s the matter with you, TV?

Comments

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roseyv
Jul. 8th, 2009 04:25 pm (UTC)
Thing 1 -- Have you used any of that stuff that turns you into a giant chocolate human and chicks all wanna like take bites out of you and shit?

Thing the second: I was just about to post about the SyFy thing!! Mainly in the context of: WTF?! SyFy?!?! I mean, do you know what the history is here? Is "SciFi" the subject of an ongoing IP lawsuit that the network ultimately lost? Because in the midst of a worldwide economic crisis, the idea of spending hundreds of millions - if not billions - of dollars on a change which appears to serve no useful purpose whatsoever, that's about the only explanation I can come up with.
abouthipsanck3s
Jul. 8th, 2009 05:55 pm (UTC)
My brother-in-law says he uses that chocolate shit. I haven't smelled it, but I can't imagine being attracted to a man who smells like chocolate & Mexicans.
ludickid
Jul. 8th, 2009 05:58 pm (UTC)
What about a Mexican who smelled like chocolate?
abouthipsanck3s
Jul. 8th, 2009 09:26 pm (UTC)
That sounds just as bad.
brandiweed
Jul. 10th, 2009 01:09 am (UTC)
Smelling like Mexican chocolate might be all right, though.
ludickid
Jul. 8th, 2009 05:58 pm (UTC)
I can hardly keep track of all the bullshit those geeks push on us -- sci-fi, science-fiction, SF, fandom, fen, Trekker, Trekkie, syfy, JUST CALL YOURSELF HOPELESS NERDS THAT'S WHAT EVERYONE ELSE DOES.
tritium
Jul. 8th, 2009 06:18 pm (UTC)
There was an interesting discussion of the SyFy thing on mst3k (which may be the first time there was such a thing: interesting discussion on mst3k. There seem to be two reasons for the name change:

1. The official reason is that the network wants to start branding stuff, and they can't damn well trademark "Sci-Fi."

2. The more probable-sounding reason is that the network bigwigs want to do anything but show sci-fi. Sci-fi is not that popular, see. Let's show wrestling instead.
roseyv
Jul. 8th, 2009 06:38 pm (UTC)
The branding thing is pretty close to what I assumed -- that there had to be an IP issue involved somewhere; it just seemed like a collassally expensive and pointless waste of time, otherwise.

The wrestling on the SciFi channel has always just kilt me, BTW. Kilt me, in its hilariousness of concept.
hooper_x
Jul. 9th, 2009 12:24 pm (UTC)
That's 99 percent of it. You can't turn your network into a LIFESTYLE BRAND if you can't trademark it.

And then yes, nobody wants to watch old sci-fi shows, and the ones people DO want to watch, the rights are probably getting too pricey - why pay a couple hundred thousand bucks to license Trek or Dark Shadows or The Prisoner when you can split that couple hundred thousand bucks six ways, give it to canadian/romanian/new jersey film students as seed money for ZOMBIE CHEERLEADER RAMPAGE or GIANT CATERPILLAR or what-have-you, which will then be a SyFy Original Film that they own the distro rights to for all fucking eternity?

Reality programming and shit films are cheaper to produce and the network gets to own them outright, as opposed to something that they're only renting. As a business model, it makes perfect sense. As something people want to watch? Yeah, well. Clearly, we're not smoking enough weed.
bing_crosby
Jul. 8th, 2009 04:41 pm (UTC)
maybe they just stayed in a basement the whole time watching the SyFy channel. Sorry, maybe that was too obvious.
ludickid
Jul. 8th, 2009 05:58 pm (UTC)
Obvious jokes are the only ones worth telling.
solipsiae
Jul. 8th, 2009 05:03 pm (UTC)
I read "SyFy" as "siffy." Which is stupid.

Axe expresses everything that makes me ashamed to work in marketing.
ludickid
Jul. 8th, 2009 05:59 pm (UTC)
Axe expresses everything that makes me ashamed to be a heterosexual.
solipsiae
Jul. 8th, 2009 06:31 pm (UTC)
Best icon use ever.
anne_jumps
Jul. 8th, 2009 11:48 pm (UTC)
I read it that way too.
Apparently, "syfy" is a bad word in Polish.
ndgmtlcd
Jul. 8th, 2009 07:14 pm (UTC)
If you intend to drive around Paris in a car and you're not used to driving the way Parisians drive (they've got a "priorité à droite" mantra, combined with ruthlessness towards the weak) it's a great idea to plan ahead so that you'll avoid the Arc de Triomphe area completely. That roundabout is a nightmare.

So, it's conceivable that a driving tourist with good planning might see everything else but the Arc, given limited time. I did see it on my very first visit but I had to take the time to park far away at the other end of les champs élysés and take a long walk over there.
anne_jumps
Jul. 8th, 2009 11:49 pm (UTC)
I'm sorry, I've got to know what product was named after a turd (even if it wasn't intentional).
(Anonymous)
Jul. 13th, 2009 03:55 pm (UTC)
Deuce (http://www.drugstore.com/products/prod.asp?pid=205087&catid=10351)
hooper_x
Jul. 9th, 2009 12:26 pm (UTC)
Yeah, I saw that ad about Paris and was like "really? Isn't the Arc de Triomphe RIGHT IN THE MIDDLE OF FUCKING TOWN?" I mean maybe if you were intentionally avoiding it to be an obnoxious hipster fuckwad, sure, but seriously, a fucking taxi ride didn't take you by there?

This makes you sound less like people who are interesting and unique and blaze their own trails and more like giant fucking douchebags who are so caught up in the idea of being unique and interesting that they pretty much make themselves retarded and boring.
hooper_x
Jul. 9th, 2009 12:27 pm (UTC)
(says the guy who went to san francisco and had to be dragged, kicking and screaming, to fisherman's wharf)
brandiweed
Jul. 10th, 2009 01:08 am (UTC)
Did you go to the Musee Mechanique? That's the best (if not in fact the only) reason to go to Fisherman's Wharf.
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Leonard Pierce is a freelance writer wandering around Texas with no sleep or sense of direction. If you give him money he will write something for you. If you are nice to him he may come to your house and get drunk.

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