Gun-totin', Chronic-smokin' Hearse Initiator (ludickid) wrote,
Gun-totin', Chronic-smokin' Hearse Initiator

The Fresh Prince Machiavelli

Yo, listen to the story all about how
I got changed to an adjective from a proper noun
So let me take a minute, now, if I may
I’ll tell you how I wrote a book called Il Principe

In West Firenze I was born and raised
At the tavern is where I spent most of my days
Grammar and rhetoric, studyin’ Latin
Wearin’ academic cloaks of funky-ass satin

When a couple of Medicis who were up to no good
Overthrew the republic in my neighborhood
I got tortured just once, if you know what I mean
I said “I’m movin’ to my family estate in Percussina”

I begged and I pleased with the nobles each day
But the short-sighted bastards sent me on my way
So I wrote about the prince as a public figure
Kicked the script to Lorenzo, I said “check it, nigga!”

Lived under suspicion, I said “This is bad!”
Drinkin’ cheap wine, kissin’ Medici ass
Is this what the people of Florence live like?
I told the Republic “Yo, son, take a hike!”

My homies tried to diss me, said I sound like a nerd
When I say a prince is praised for the illusion of word
I wrote of the utility of a bad reputation
And then straight-up kicked it to a fast food station

I whistled for a coach and when it came near
The license plate said ‘PRINCE’ and had a noose in the mirror
If anything, I could say the coachman was scared
But I thought “Nah, who needs to be loved when you’re feared?”

I pulled up to my crib about 1527
I yelled to my family “Yo, I’ll smell you in Heaven!”
My rep has been muddled by readers with no sense
But I sit on my throne as Big Poppa Florence.

  • The Party of What People?

    This will be my last entry of 2016.  Next year will begin, barring some unexpected act of fate, with the ascension to the presidency of Donald…

  • Anno Terribilis

    2016, the little year that absolutely could not, is almost over, and with the exception of people for whom it was a raging success —…

  • Shalom and the Jewish Jesus

    Shalom Auslander got the best possible start on having a sickly fatalistic sense of humor:  he was a miserable Jew from the day he was born. As…

  • Post a new comment


    default userpic

    Your IP address will be recorded 

    When you submit the form an invisible reCAPTCHA check will be performed.
    You must follow the Privacy Policy and Google Terms of use.