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Non-Comical Officer







#41.
DJ AAK: I have decided to become ‘interested’ in ‘politics’.

MC BOY: I DO NOT KNOW HOW TO DECIDE TO BECOME INTERESTED IN THINGS, BUT OBSERVE WHAT I CAN DO WITH MY THUMB

THE INTERNET: The atomic donkey punch is very similar to the brass donkey punch.

DJ AAK: As a female woman, a Korean Asian, and an Oriental lady, my opinions on political matters are worth thrice that of a normal person.

MC BOY: BUT AS A OUTER SPACE ALIEN YOUR OPINION IS WORTH HALF A DICK

THE INTERNET: Mention of the "angry white male" label starts him almost spitting with derision. "It's meaningless pap," he barks directly into my tape recorder. "It is liberal drivel and I learnt long ago that I've got to look at these things as badges of honour.”

DJ AAK: Politics is all about appearances. For instance, your fake driver’s license says you are 17 years old, and it appears that means you can’t vote.

MC BOY: I’M HELLAISH THIRSTY, DO WE HAVE ANY OF THAT DONKEY PUNCH LEFT

#42.
DJ AAK: In ‘politics’ it is important to have a position on the ‘issues’.

MC BOY: SUCH AS THE ISSUES THAT LEAK FORTH FROM MY RECTAL GLANDS

THE INTERNET: Most short-term (acute) anal fissures can heal with home treatment in 4 to 6 weeks.

DJ AAK: No, nothing like that at all. Instead it means to have a specific approach to problems facing society.

MC BOY: I HAVE A PROBLEM OF THIS NATURE

THE INTERNET: Comprehensive Non-Targeted Analysis of Contaminated Groundwater of a Former Ammunition Destruction Site using 1H-NMR and HPLC-SPE-NMR/TOF-MS

DJ AAK: I can hardly wait.

MC BOY: THE BIG AND TASTY BURGER IS ONLY ONE OF THOSE THINGS AND IT IS THE ‘AND’ PART, WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO DO ABOUT THAT MISS WASHINGTON FAT CAT

#43.
DJ AAK: Eew, I hadn’t thought about that. I don’t want to be a Washington insider. I worry I will lose touch with the ‘community’.

MC BOY: WHAT COMMUNITY, I WANT TO TRY IT ON

THE INTERNET: The Garanimals girls’ collections are sweeter than cherries this season! With dreamy colors like bubble gum pink to razzmatazz blue, the cute coordinate sets are perfect for your little princesses. Whether they are chasing butterflies in the park, catching lady bugs in the backyard, sitting on the stoop waiting for the ice cream truck, or making cupcakes with mom on a sunny afternoon, they will look adorably delicious in Garanimals!

DJ AAK: Luckily my research has yielded the secret to political success in America.

MC BOY: COUGH IT UP SONGPYEON

THE INTERNET: Join Tania Gabrielle as she unmasks the stunning, ‘coincidental’ connections shared by George Washington, the first President of the United States and Benjamin Franklin, the power behind the throne. Discover the unique numeric recipe that catapulted Dick Cheney, Condoleezza Rice and Henry Kissinger onto the world stage. Read why, even to this day, the Kennedy family is affected by fateful numbers.

DJ AAK: You just find out what the French are doing and do the opposite.

MC BOY: HEY YOU HAND OVER THAT PENSION CHECK

#44.
DJ AAK: Well, I have drafted a comprehensive health care plan that will provide universal coverage without a tax increase.

MC BOY: I HAVE BEEN WHACKING IT ALL DAY SO MY WERNER HERZOG

THE INTERNET: Single-payer national health insurance is a system in which a single public or quasi-public agency organizes health financing, but delivery of care remains largely private.

DJ AAK: And I have drafted three vitally important and practical constitutional amendments.

MC BOY: I AM A GAY SO MY WERNER VON BRAUN

THE INTERNET: It might be a very good idea to immediately begin identifying those states that would unequivocally reject any new union, and would be willing to declare their independence from whatever government would evolve from a modern Constitutional Convention. Yes, I am saying it: we may need to resurrect the original Thirteen Colonies—except they would probably not number thirteen, and, in all likelihood, they would not be located on the East Coast.

MC BOY: ALSO I AM A GIRL SO MY WERNER RANIER FASSBINGNER

DJ AAK: That doesn’t even make sense.

MC BOY: BET I GET QUOTED MORE THAN YOU

#45.
DJ AAK: So people are carrying guns unimpeded to public meetings.

MC BOY: TO PROTEST HOW THEIR GUNS ARE GETTING TAKEN AWAY

DJ AAK: And people are going on TV and the radio and to town halls.

MC BOY: TO PROTEST HOW THEY HAVE NO MORE FREE SPEECH

DJ AAK: And people are mad at the democratically elected leader of the country.

MC BOY: BECAUSE HE REPRESENTS THE END OF FREEDOM AND LIBERTY

DJ AAK: Hey, this kind of obvious political point-mongering is sort of out of character for a zany madcap strip like this one, isn’t it?

MC BOY: BOINNNNNNG THAT IS THE ERECTION SOUND

THE INTERNET: First go the knees, then goes irony.

Comments

( 4 SHOTS LICKED — LICK A SHOT )
hipsterdetritus
Aug. 18th, 2009 06:25 pm (UTC)
This has to be the only webcomic that works best without visuals. (And it's still less visually useless/awful than xkcd.)
also_huey
Aug. 18th, 2009 10:30 pm (UTC)
You could take any random megaGAMERZ l33t and just swap out the text balloons with this. Kinda like the Red Meat Construction Set.
feisty_robot
Aug. 19th, 2009 06:34 pm (UTC)
Here is the only xkcd comic worth reading.
lester22
Aug. 19th, 2009 03:36 am (UTC)
I wish you would quit working and instead, write and not draw this comic every day.
( 4 SHOTS LICKED — LICK A SHOT )

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flavored with age
ludickid
Gun-totin', Chronic-smokin' Hearse Initiator
Ludic Log

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Leonard Pierce is a freelance writer wandering around Texas with no sleep or sense of direction. If you give him money he will write something for you. If you are nice to him he may come to your house and get drunk.

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