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TASTEFUL SAN ANTONIO: The Groupening

And now it’s time for your SAN ANTONIO MEETUP.COM MONTHLY ROUNDUP! Apparently, a whole bunch of new groups have formed since July, because the people of SATX need something to do in the constant 100-degree weather. What does Meetup.com suggest I do with my time?

- SAN ANTONIO TEA ENTHUSIASTS

Hmmm. Well, I like tea and all, but I wouldn’t exactly describe my feelings towards it as ‘enthusiastic’. Unless “tea” is a code word for something else.

- THE SAN MARCOS CONSOLE GAMING MEETUP GROUP

I’m not gonna drive all the way to San Marcos just to hear people yelling at Dean for not guarding the flank.

- THE SAN ANTONIO NUDE MASSAGE SESSIONS FOR WOMEN

Are you sure you mean just for women? You don’t maybe mean “featuring women”? Because if you do, I’m on board.


- SAN ANTONIO BAND OF BROTHERS

Actually, I’ve been trying to avoid being killed in a horrible global war lately. But thanks!

- THE SAN ANTONIO VOICE ACTING MEETUP GROUP

“Well, folks, this is our 93rd consecutive meeting where no one has reported getting any work. We’re lagging way behind our L.A. and NYC chapters, I can’t figure it out.”

- HEALTH BY CHOICE

Okay, that’s judgmental and smug, but could you throw in a meaningless New Agey buzzword?

- HEALTHY ALTERNATIVES GROUP

Aaah, that’s the stuff.

- SAN MARCOS BIKER CLUB

Look, I wasn’t gonna drive 40 miles to learn how to speed-type “FAGGx0RZ”, I’m certainly not gonna drive 40 miles to get curb-stomped.

- SAN ANTONIO TRANSFORMATION FITNESS BOOT CAMP

Near as I can tell, this is some kind of radical shoe-repair cult.

- SOUTH TEXAS BUSINESS OBJECTS USER GROUP

This is either the dullest or the most sinister-sounding group on the roster.

Comments

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dyskodyke
Aug. 19th, 2009 07:05 pm (UTC)
I'd like to start an even smugger group called HEALTH NOT BY CHOICE. "Oh, I don't choose to be healthy, I just AM." Alternatively, we could force one another to eat spinach at gunpoint?
ludickid
Aug. 19th, 2009 09:47 pm (UTC)
I'm game for "NEAR DEATH BY CHOICE".
(Anonymous)
Aug. 19th, 2009 07:59 pm (UTC)
Yeah, Dean is SUCH a douche...
ortho_bob
Aug. 19th, 2009 08:22 pm (UTC)
THs Austin group might be right up your, uh, alley:

The Austin Backyard Poultry Meetup Group

"Backyard Poultry" being some kind of sex act I can't begin to imagine.



ludickid
Aug. 19th, 2009 09:47 pm (UTC)
Oh, you can imagine it, I bet.
roseyv
Aug. 19th, 2009 08:43 pm (UTC)
I'ono, Leonard. You're starting to make me seriously reconsider my future plans to set up housekeeping in San Antonio. Or San Marcos, for that matter.
janehex
Aug. 19th, 2009 09:35 pm (UTC)
See in my experience, getting a massage is, by default, done without clothes on. It makes the whole thing MUCH more effective.

Unless of course they mean the massage therapist is nude also. Because that is just fucking weird.
ludickid
Aug. 19th, 2009 09:49 pm (UTC)
We obviously go to different kinds of massage parlors.
janehex
Aug. 19th, 2009 09:54 pm (UTC)
What's a massage "parlor"?
janet_t_okeefe
Aug. 20th, 2009 07:54 pm (UTC)
I considered saying something snarky about the reason I left San Antonio, but I'm in Flint now. I've got nothing.
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ludickid
Gun-totin', Chronic-smokin' Hearse Initiator
Ludic Log

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Leonard Pierce is a freelance writer wandering around Texas with no sleep or sense of direction. If you give him money he will write something for you. If you are nice to him he may come to your house and get drunk.

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