Gun-totin', Chronic-smokin' Hearse Initiator (ludickid) wrote,
Gun-totin', Chronic-smokin' Hearse Initiator

I look forward to my inevitable death in a privately-funded sewer

So, on a day when half the country is shitting itself over the intolerable Communist infiltration that has foisted so wasteful and scandalous a thing as government-assisted medical care down its throat, I happened to read the news that people of my generation will need approximately three million dollars in order to have a safe and comfortable retirement.

Which, you know, that's not so bad! If you start out straight from high school making $30,000 a year (after taxes, so, really, about $42,000), all you have to do is work for sixty years without ever spending any money, and you're two-thirds of the way there! If you can hold out until you're a hundred and eight with the same salary and no expenses, a relatively safe and comfortable retirement is yours!

Naturally, of course, you probably won't make the same salary your whole life. Really hard-working people might double their salaries over a lifetime, meaning you could retire in only 54 years, or be able to spend some money on occasion for things like food and shelter! But the real key is to invest. As long as you never make any losing investments, and the stock market never has any prolonged periods of downtime or stagnation, you're sure to make at least three million dollars, give or take six figures. Why, just look at me! I've had two carefully planned 401(k) programs wiped out by economic downturns, layoffs, and other factors, but the odds of it happening a third time over the next 40 years are only somewhat higher than 50%!

All of which is simply to say that it is obvious to anyone who pays attention that government interference in our lives is doomed to failure, and the privatized free market is clearly the best solution to take care of the needs of all individuals age 65 or older who have amassed a fortune of three million dollars or more. The system works!

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