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On April 14, 1865, Abraham Lincoln -- thought by many to be the greatest president in the history of the United States -- was brutally murdered by the actor John Wilkes Booth. Booth blew the back of Lincoln's head open with a .44 pistol and escaped with the aid of his co-conspirators.

That's right: while many people would have you believe that Booth and his gang were a bunch of fanatical outliers, they were in fact a highly organized conspiracy of Confederates and Confederate sympathizers. They acted in tandem to commit a wave of highly organized attacks (the same day, one of them attacked and nearly killed Secretary of State William Seward; assassinations of General Ulysses Grant and Vice-President Andrew Johnson were also planned but were interrupted at the last minute). Eventually, seven other people were arrested and convicted of being part of the conspiracy. Booth was killed while attempting escape, and four of his co-conspirators were hanged. The conspirators, far from being fringe loons, were part of the mainstream as regards their views of Lincoln; when the President's murder was reported, many of these so-called "Southerners" were supportive of the killing, and public celebration in the streets was reported in many Southern cities. Many people actually blamed the North for the tragedy, claiming that its foreign policy had caused understandable resentment and anger amongst Southerners.

But this coddling, terror-appeasing, blame-the-victim mentality on behalf of the South isn't the worst thing: it's that so-called liberals have, ever since, shown our country's weakness by constantly caving in to the demands of these "Southerners", who brazenly flaunt their 'rights' under the U.S. Constitution in order to mock the hundred thousand American dead at their hands. These "Southerners" claim that they have the right to move into our neighborhoods, build schools and houses of worship, and impose their foreign values on us, all the time citing the "freedom" granted to them by America -- even though they declared war on America in order to protect their own right to deny freedom to blacks! And if that's not insult enough, they flaunt their greatest crime:

The purple pin indicates Ford's Theater, "Ground Zero" where this terrorist conspiracy murdered our greatest president; the red pins indicate Episcopalian Churches, breeding grounds for the so-called "religion" of the monster John Wilkes Booth! And it gets worse:

Pin A is the headquarters of the Confederate Memorial Association, a so-called "charity" that exists to glorify the crazed madmen who fought to destroy the United States of America! And Pin B is the Robert E. Lee Memorial, an actual TRIBUTE to the general who led their greatest attacks on our great country! Both mere blocks from Ground Zero! What's more, both the "Sons of the Confederacy" and the "Daughters of the Confederacy", shadowy organizations that exist to glorify the terrorist army and indoctrinate "Southern" children into believing in the rightness of their cause, maintain chapters in Washington, DC!

Won't you join me in generating a ridiculous amount of outrage over this and demanding (at best) the expulsion of all so-called "Southerners" from the nation's capital, or at the very least, demanding the removal of all Episcopalian and Southern Baptist churches and pro-Confederate organizations from the area? It's a simple matter of right and wrong.


Aug. 18th, 2010 03:17 am (UTC)

Also, they should move that traitorous bastard Robert E. Lee's house from the hallowed ground of Arlington National Cemetery.

In fact, they should move all of Virginia, while they're at it.
Aug. 18th, 2010 03:51 am (UTC)
Dude, you're thinking way too loud. I was thinking pretty much the same thing on my way home -- I must have overheard your thought process.
Aug. 18th, 2010 04:46 pm (UTC)
This has a chance of working since Southerners are always dark-skinned from farming and sitting outside all the time!
Aug. 18th, 2010 09:33 pm (UTC)
I sense a pigmentation technicality.
Aug. 19th, 2010 11:23 am (UTC)
Let's get 'em!
Aug. 21st, 2010 01:45 am (UTC)
On something that has nothing to do with this:

I'm sort of slow (and, also, loving your blog). I knew that Rand had left the URSS after her father's little shop got closed by the state. Today I learned that a few years after that the URSS started letting people had their little shops back.

So, the origin of her hate was lost before she started writing... that's having to much of a grudge I believe.
Aug. 26th, 2010 02:48 pm (UTC)
Hm. Why anyone self-identifying as a Confederate these days engenders unease in me, I'm not sure your analogy (even stripping out the deliberately over the top nature) works. Okay, I'll grant you the Episcopalian part, but was the Lee Memorial there in 1874? Did the Sons and Daughters of the Confederacy organizations have an official and open presence in D.C. in 1874? Reconstruction was still an ongoing and bitter process at that point, with bad blood on both sides that ran a lot deeper and broader than what we're seeing now.

If anything, your alternative Ground Zero debate gives hope that this, too, shall pass. If we can honor Lee in D.C., if we can have groups like Sons of the Confederacy and not automatically treat them like terrorist cells, then there's hope that 9/11 will eventually become just another boring historical event to learn in school and then forget about after the test. And maybe a tacky gift shop in South Manhattan. (Hopefully no historical re-enactors, though.)


flavored with age
Gun-totin', Chronic-smokin' Hearse Initiator
Ludic Log


Leonard Pierce is a freelance writer wandering around Texas with no sleep or sense of direction. If you give him money he will write something for you. If you are nice to him he may come to your house and get drunk.

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