Gun-totin', Chronic-smokin' Hearse Initiator (ludickid) wrote,
Gun-totin', Chronic-smokin' Hearse Initiator

That Government is Best That Governs Worst

So everyone is bitching and moaning that the awesome new debt ceiling deal is going to be bad for the economy.  Liberals are all running around saying that Obama went all Cave Carson on the deal, and that all the austerity measures, which are totally necessary because America doesn’t have any money, are going to hurt.  Well guess what, pinheads?  The deal is actually super great, and if you’d read it instead of watching your Rachel Maddow show or whatever, you’d realize that all the so-called ‘problems’ it ‘creates’, it also solves!  Get ready for an improvised explosive device made from concentrated truth, dudes!

* Okay, sure.  The new deal will mean less money for infrastructure, increasing traffic and making the roads more decrepit and thus more dangerous.  But the good news is that unemployment is already incredibly high, and the budget deal will eliminate millions of jobs and cut off benefit payments to people who are already out of work!  So there will be fewer and fewer people who have any reason, or even ability, to leave their houses, meaning less traffic, and reducing the risk of automotive injuries.  If we’re very lucky, lots of people will lose their cars altogether!

*  Similarly, budget cuts will mean less money for public defenders, meaning there will be fewer people working to defend the poor, and that those who are placed in that job will likely be less competent.  But the good news is that there will also be fewer policemen, so your odds of getting arrested and needing a public defendant are slim!

* What about the fact that the debt deal will likely result in a funding crisis for Medicare, robbing the elderly of much-needed medical assistance?  The good news is that, since emergency response funding is also getting defunded, the old people will probably die before they ever get to the hospital, removing a massive drain on the system!

It’s all very simple when you think about it.  So your work study program got eliminated.  Who cares?  The budget deal means much bigger classes, so it’s not like you’ll be learning anything in college anyway.  So there’s no more money for housing subsidies.  Housing values are at an all-time low; the government is doing you a favor by making it even harder for you to buy a house!   If you just approach it in the right direction, you’ll realize that all the so-called “problems” with the debt deal contain a self-destroyingcorrecting mechanism.  Glass half full, libs!


Tags: essays, features, humor, personal, politics, polls, work

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